h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[He holds her firmly in his arms as they dance cheek to cheek. Her feet move quickly as he guides across the floor]

He knows what he is doing.. I am glad Apollo gave me my dance lesson! </>

[Nite Owl releases Lil.. suddenly pushing her away.... then grabbing hold of her hand and pulling back into his arms again.. She stares into his eyes as he suddenly dips her backwards towards the floor! Her hand skims the floor as he gracefully brings her back upright.]

[She moves closer, their mouths almost touching for a kiss as she skillfully removes the rose from his mouth with her teeth.]


[They dance almost as one entity]

[As they continue their dance, to the cheers and whistles of the crowd and even appreciative whoops - and some lewd comments - from the Mothers of Invention, who are now playing a straightforward tango, Nite Owl can't help but think:]

"This was her idea, so what is she up to? Okay, it's enjoyable, actually, it's *very* enjoyable, but calling this a duel is stretching the definition more than just a bit. Unless..."

[They're once again so close that the scent of Lil's hair enters his nostrils. Not being Bill Clinton, he inhales, deeply.]

"...this is a pheromone attack. Not very artistical, but who's complaining? Still, I've got to do *something*."

[And just before leaning in for another mouth-to-mouth, he whispers in her ear, in his best Dustin Hoffman-impersonation:]

"Mrs. Robinson, you're trying to seduce me. Aren't you?"

[She moves her face so close to his cheek.. they touch... Her lips move against his ear as she quietly whispers...]


....Yeeessss...

[She deftly takes the from his mouth as he suddenly dips her to the floor.. holding her close to his body.. before looking into her eyes and taking the back as he sweeps upright again]

... dost thou concede oh God of rhythm?

A pheromone attack! I haven't seen one of those since SaturnGirl tied Red Dog to a chair years ago... Bravo, you two!

Do carry on

Oh! Apollo!!

Thank you!!

The Animal loves drum solo's


John Henry Bonham
Ginger Baker
John Kongas

Yes, thank you, Apollo!

[Nite Owl gives Lil his most winning smile as he prepares to push her away for another spin. Taking the from his mouth with his free hand, he says:]

"Of course I do not concede, oh Carpetless One. This is but the beginning."

[He lets go of Lil and subtly waves his hand. Suddenly Lil can't move her feet, and she would have fallen if something hadn't held her upright.]

"Doest thou really think the god of nature cannot withstand pheromones if he so chooses? And hath no-one ever told thee not to mistake thine opponent for a comforter?"

[Lil looks down and sees she's caught from the waist down in what can only be described as a bulging and quite unbecoming pair of metal trousers-plus-shoes. Nite Owl shoots her the same winning smile, though now with a hint of malice in it. The has disappeared from his hand, and in its place he now holds a remote control.]

"There's nothing like geeky childishness, or childish geekyness, if thou wilst, to counter seduction. And now that I have turned thee off, I will turn on this contraption."

[He operates the controls and Lil is dancing again, but instead of the elegant and sensual tango of only a few moments ago, she's performing an ungainly clog dance, causing the audience and the band to howl with laughter.]

"If it is comfort thou seeketh, I can offer thee some food. Wensleydale cheese is said to be very soothing."

[To keep the audience amused* - gods know they get bored so easily these days - Nite Owl decides to put the metal-trousered goddess through someone else's paces. He signals the band, and they start playing Wilson Pickett**'s "Land of 1000 Dances". Deftly operating the controls, Nite Owl has the raven-haired one involuntary demonstrating the Mash Potato, the Watusi, the Jerk, the Pony, the Alligator, the Moon Walk, the Duck Walk, the Funky Chicken and, last but not least, the Birdie Dance.]

* And to bump the thread to the top of his opponent's convo list. This one's too much fun to win on a technicality, Lil. If you need more time, for whatever reason, I'll be happy to forego the five days-rule. Just say the word.

** {Pedant alert!} Actually, it's Chris Kenner's, but WP's version is best known.

[Oops.. sorry.. got caught up in ACEing business for a while.. now where were we??]


Hast thou didst cheat
weighing lil ol' me with concrete
upon my feet
whilst I do greet
the newbies that I meet
Thou dost take a seat?


*banishes all signs of concrete. Once more they stand in each others arms in the arena of love!*


Now it be time for you and I
to come together with a sigh
as once more you lift me high
to take me waltzing in the sky!

No problem, Lil. First things first, especially with all the new sign-ins of late. What *is* a bit of a problem, though, is that I didn't use concrete. Not even a splash. I had you trapped in the remote-controlled metal trousers from Wallace and Gromit. As I said above, this is too much fun to win on a technicality, so what do we do? Do you want to try again, or shall we assume that you ed away the trousers instead of the concrete, and take it from there?

[ooc] sorry.. I was going on memory.. I should have re-read your posting properly I really am enjoying the game! [ooc] <okay

"Okay, I'll try again" or "Okay, let's pretend I ed away the trousers"? Not to be nitpicky; I just want to know whether to wait for your post (option 1) or that it's my turn now (option 2).

[ooc] options 2 .. your turn. .. then I shall answer you tomorrow ..g'night [ooc]

Somehow, I had a sneaking suspicion you were going to say that. 'Concrete' has a lot more rhymes than 'trousers', doesn't it? Sleep well (or good morning, depending on when you read this). Right, back to post 29.

[Swaying cheek to cheek with Lil to the gentle rhythm of the waltz, Nite Owl runs his hand down her long black hair. Lil sighs, but doesn't realise that a white band has appeared where the god of nature has touched her flowing locks. Seeing that his has worked, Nite Owl transforms himself into Pepe le Pew, with pheromones to match. ]

"Ma chérie, we shall make beautiful musicks togezzer, non?"

[He kisses Lil.]

"Zee starz, zee moon, zee Zjune. C'est l'amour, c'est toujours. Turn out zee lights, darleeng. I know where everything ees."

That should have been 'everyzing', of course.

*Puts the light back on and looks at the exhausted Nite Owl as he sleeps deeply beside her*

*She giggles to herself*

Hast thou decided who has won that round? *kisses his lips gently*


*Straightening her gown and her hair, she muses to herself*


Time to turn up the tempo Owlie darling!


*The music changes to a fast latin tempo.. *


Hey!! *slaps his backside*.. It's the Lambada!!

[Back to his normal self again, Nite Owl sits up. Upon seeing the audience, which is still there, staring aghast and yet fascinated at this pair of apparently shameless gods, he waves his hands. At once he's dressed in a black zoot suit, a white shirt and two-tone shoes, and smelling as fresh as a spring night after a rain shower; this in contrast with Lil, who still radiates a miasma of skunk. A true gentleman, Nite Owl ignores the odour and kisses her lightly on the cheek.]

"Good morning, dear. Did you sleep well? I must say, you're braver or more perverse than I thought. Having it off with Pepe le Pew, and in public, too..."

My mistake, I should have stated his "aroma d'amore" made you retch... That would've taught you, or maybe not

"Just for the record, I would call that round a draw, though. Seduction is a two-way street."

[Another wave of his hands, and a table materializes, together with two chairs.
The table is laden with , , , , and .]

"But wouldn't you like some breakfast before we continue?"

[He escorts her to the table, holding her chair until she is seated. Lil waits for him to sit too]

"Ever the gentleman my darling Owl"

[picks up a biting into it seductively]

[She offers him the other half, which he takes gently.. kissing her fingers at the same time]


*Shivers*.. "Ooh.. you are good at the of seduction yourself"


"What will be your next challenge?"

[Once again, Nite Owl shoots her one of his trademark smiles.]

"Ah, sweet Lil, you've just taken a bite out of it."

[He quickly stands up, because the table is suddenly pushed away from the raven-haired goddess. She starts to feel heavy and bloated, and, looking down, sees that she's growing very fat very quickly.]

"The food was enchanted, you see. Of course, I made sure it wouldn't affect me if I had a bite, but for you..."

[Lil's girth is now truly gargantuan. Despite this, she feels ravenous and begins to wolf down everything on the table. She just can't stop eating. Out of the corner of her eyes she sees some of the spectators from the first few rows leaving their seats and either move up to the higher rings of the amphitheatre or leave altogether by the nearest of the two broad paths. Even the band has stopped playing, and the musicians, with a mixture of fear and relief on their faces (they *really* don't like the lambada), are sidling along the short path towards the luxurious looking building at the end.]

"You're probably wondering what's happening, aren't you? Well, allow me."

[Nite Owl conjures up a large mirror, so that Lil can see herself. She manages to let out a gasp of horror between two bites, as she sees she's been transformed into... Mr. Creosote! The table is rapidly emptying, but before the delicacies run out, a seemingly endless line of waiters files into the arena, all carrying trays laden with the most exquisite dishes. By now, the audience, clearly familiar with Monty Python's "The Meaning of Life", is all but stampeding towards the highest rows of seats.]

"See? You know how this is going to end, right? It's inevitable. You'll not be able to resist that tiny mint the head waiter will be offering you in a moment, and then... Well, I'm quite sure exploded intestines will not be fatal to you, being a goddess and all, but think of your beloved carpet."

[Nite Owl indicates Rob the Carpet, who's still hanging in an oak tree, in the path of the anticipated bowel blast.]

"What do you think all those gastric juices, the chunks of half-digested food, the blood and the gore will do to him? Burn holes, permanent stains, and the stench, oh, the stench... You could get cleaners in, of course, but chances are they'll be bumbling incompetents who only make matters worse. Do you really want to risk that?"

[Lil Creosote, full to the point of bursting, sees the head waiter approaching with a small silver tray. Nite Owl s away the mirror and, now dressed in a biohazard suit, seeks shelter behind a transparent blast screen.]

"There's still time to prevent this, Lil. I can return everything to the way it was, but you'll have to be quick. So, now it's my turn to ask: Do you concede?"

[The head waiter is now standing next to Lil C. He takes the mint from the tray with a small pair of silver tongs, and holds it in front of his/her mouth. The aroma enters his/her nostrils, and, salivating, Lil opens his/her mouth.]

Nay!

I shall not concede!

[she clicks her fingers and all is as it was]

Now darling.. do you want to continue?