h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hold on a second, Lil. I let you get away with something similar once before, but that really defeats the purpose of the game. If a contestant can simply undo what his/her opponent does, there's no point to the game, because every battle would end in stalemate before it even began. So I'm very sorry, but I can't accept your last post. Please try again. And if you, in turn, can't accept that, I'll be happy to ask Mother of God for a judgement on the matter. No offence!

OOOoooooOOOhh!! *picks up the teddy and hands it back*

Just because I used my Godly skills for once, you feel hard done by... I was happy dancing..

Ooops... no offence taken..

Must go offline.. it is 3.15am here.. catch up with you tomorrow..

[Activates Cliché Spouter: "There's a time for dancing and a time for dueling." "You can't always get what you want."] I don't feel hard done by, Lil. (Well, perhaps a little. It took me well over an hour to write that post and you just snap your fingers and say "Oh no, you didn't"? Not fair! Are we back to panto again? ) But I meant it when I said that what you did basically defeats the purpose of the game. So, what do we do? Will you try again or shall we ask MoG for a ruling?

Whoops, simpost. Sleep well!

[ooc] Start another duel.. next time I won't reply until I have slept.. see you in the morning.. night darling [/ooc]

For what it's worth, I'd rather like you to try again so we can continue this one. 'See' you tommorrow!

[ooc] Okay..I will reply tomorrrow.. thank you for your patience with lil ol' me.. [/ooc}

No problem! And I promise you another dance as soon as we've finished our duel (even a lambada, if that's what you want).

Lovely!!

[Lil grins at Nite Owl as she takes the mint from the waiter, who immediately runs out of harms way when a loud rumbling noise fills the arena]

[She begins to transform, as she once grew width way, she now grows tall. A magnificent spectre of godliness stands in the middle of the arena]

[She picks up the tiny Nite Owl and holds him close]


"I will hug him and stroke him and call him George" [her voice booms across the arena]


"Or shall I just crush you like a bug?"

[Lil, looking down upon Nite Owl with the same mixture of fondness and cruelty children sometimes display towards their pets, doesn't notice the quick movements around her now gigantic feet. When she does, it's already too late. Trying to move her feet, she loses her balance and topples backwards to the ground. Flailing her arms to break her fall, she lets go of Nite Owl, who, after a short flight through the air, lands catlike on his feet.

The giantess hits the ground with a thud that sets Mount Olympus quaking for the second time since the Amphitheatre was built, and the blow knocks her out for a while. When she comes to, she finds that she can't move even a finger. With difficulty she cranes her head, for even her hair seems to be restrained somehow. She sees myriads of small creatures crawling all over her body: the waiters, the band and even the spectators. I created them, so I control them. They've tied her down with ropes that look fragile compared to her bulk, but there's so many of them that she doesn't succeed in breaking free, despite all her godly giantess strength. Groaning, she lets her head fall back upon the ground. From the corner of her eyes, she sees Nite Owl climbing into view. He's standing on a ladder to be able to address her face to face. With a slightly malicious grin, he says:]

"Too bad I didn't think of this last night, gorgeous. Might have been fun."

[She giggles at the thought]

"Empty words again darling?"


[She lies still gathering her strength until the true battle resumes]

[Nite Owl is over confident that she is powerless. The begins to taunt her and encourages his minions to come closer and laugh at her too]

[Lil smiles and waits. Nite Owl and the waiter stand ladders, when suddenly all her restraints snap and spring apart. She has grown yet again! Lil raises her head and blows hard]

[Nite Owl and the waiter land tangled together in the branches of the tree holding Rob the Carpet]


"I see you are not partial with whom you grapple, Nite Owl darling"

[Lil laughs out loud]

"You also forget I am a child of the Gods and still growing"


[Her laughter begins to sound like booms of thunder around the arena. The people flee in terror of the Godly Giantess]

Sorry for not posting sooner, Lil. My provider's server was down for almost a full day (maintenance, apparently). And I think one of the rules of BotG is that you can describe how your actions affect your opponent, but not have him/her do things that requires free will (though I guess that rule would be interpreted quite loosly). In other words: I would *never* have my minions taunt you. That's godly work, and far too much fun to leave to figments of anyone's imagination! Nuff said, back to the game.

[Nite Owl chuckles at Lil's taunts.]

"Empty words, my sweet? Last night you weren't complaining, you were moaning."

[Unobtrusively, the waiter has slipped him something during their 'grappling'.]

"And you being a child of the gods is supposed to scare me? Have you forgotten I am the god of gods? I could claim victory right now, on the basis of pure logic."

[When Lil opens her mouth to reply, Nite Owl, lightning quick, produces a slingshot from his jacket pocket (no god should be without one) and, with perfect aim, shoots what the waiter just gave him into the giant goddess's mouth. It's a little bottle with a paper label tied round the neck, on which is printed in beautiful large letters 'DRINK ME'. The bottle smashes against Lil's gravestone-sized and marble-white teeth. The liquid it contains has a sort of mixed flavour of cherry-tart, custard, pineapple, roast turkey, toffee and hot buttered toast. As soon as it hits her lips and tongue, Lil begins to shrink. Within seconds she's back to her original size, and she keeps on shrinking.

Nite Owl frees himself and the waiter from the tree, taking care not to disentangle Rob the Carpet. Many people see that the danger seems to have passed, and return to their seats. The waiters and the band, consummate professionals, have never even left. Now it's Nite Owl's turn to pick up Lil. By now she's the size of his little finger. He puts her down on the breakfast table, under an upside-down turned glass.]

"Well, still-shrinking child of the gods, let's see if you can hold your own against a child of nature."

[Nite Owl picks up something from between the long grass and slips it under the glass. Lil suddenly finds herself face to face with a spider twice her size. With the air of a ringmaster, Nite Owl addresses the - somewhat diminished - crowd.]

"Behold Lil' Lil, from 50 Foot Woman to Amazing Shrinking Girl. She will now wrestle this tarantula, or will the tarantula wrestle her?"

*As Lil shrinks.. she sees the glass rim is resting on a stone.. she quickly runs across.. dives under the rim of the glass, knocking the stone out of the way.. and the glass closes round the Tarantula, who is now standing up trying to find a way out*

*She jumps onto Nite Owl.. and delves into his toga.. pinching and nipping like a flea*

Come along darling..you know you have to return me to my original size.. or daddy will come looking for you.. *giggles*

Is your imagination running away with you again, Lil? I'm not wearing a toga, though I understand your liking to see me in one . As a Hootoo god, the zoot suit is my sartorial preference (and I'd love to have one or two in RL, too). But if you play your cards right you might be able to persuade me to change...

"Ooh... Aah.. That s. Oooh... Ow... Ahahahah... Ow!"

[That last nip gave Lil away. Lightning fast, Nite Owl catches her, taking care not to crush her between his fingers like a real flea. He conjures up a Venus flytrap and places Lil' Lil between two of the leaves, which immediately snap shut, trapping her inside.]

"How long do you want to go on like this, sweetheart? Everytime I capture you, you're that much smaller. You want me to return you to your original size? Well, you know what you have to do. Or do you want to come to a sticky end as plant food?"

*Remembers something about salt and flytraps.. and waits out the 12 hours for the trap to open again*


Ta Da!!.. *jumps free.. runs up his trouser leg.. then his jacket.. to his head!!*



*climbs into his ear*

HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!.. I am here.. can you hear me??

Eeewwwww.. When did you last clean inside here?


*slides down to the eardrum*


BANG..BANG .. BANG!!!!... GOES THE BIG BASS DRUM!!!

OOpss sorry.. did that hurt?

[Startled by the sudden noises in his ear.]

"What... That can't be an insect, they know better than..."

[]

"Aaah, of course. It's you, Lil, isn't it? No insect would ever crawl into the ear of the god of nature. Oh dear, you've jumped out of the frying pan, and straight into the blast furnace."

[Nite Owl s, and his pet anteater Gotlib comes running.]

"Here, boy! You've got to do something for me."

[He picks up the little quadruped and holds him to his ear. Gotlib's long, sticky tongue slides down towards his eardrum and catches Lil. Helplessly, she's drawn out of Nite Owl's ear and swallowed by the cute little mammal. Night Owl breathes a sigh of relief.]

"That's better. Good boy, Gotlib."

[And, addressing the animal's tummy:]

"You can blame yourself for giving me the idea, Lil. Remember last night?"

[He chuckles.]

"And this time simply waiting a couple of hours won't help you. Do you know how strong the stomach acid of anteaters is?"

"Night Owl breathes a sigh of relief"? I can't even spell my own name anymore!

*Unaware to Nite Owl, Gotlib had a night out with his mates.. and ate something that wouldn't settle properly in his stomach*


"YOOOWEEEE" *shouted Gotlib.. he swallowed hard.. but it wasn't going to stay down!...OOOOOOOOhh!!.. and Gotlib was sick all over Nite Owls favourite shoes.. and UP COMES LIL!!*


*She lands on Nite Owls shoes.. ties his shoes laces to gether... then hides in his trouser turnups!*

*After a while she realises she can see over his turnups.. She is growing again!*


*Jumps out of the turns up.. and runs to hide behind a statue of Apollo*