h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*pity there ain't that much to burn in SM's mind really She recovers quickly and hits his forehead with the butt of her sabre*

*reals backwards a bit, but then pitches forward and hits SM in the throat with the pommel of his own saber, then rebalances and stands ready for the next attack*

*gags a bit, then stumbles backwards...*

now it's getting really fun! they're going for the throats!

*goes for Artenshiur's throat*

Oh come along. You know better than that.

*hyperlight dodge to the left*

You couldn't kill me even if I died.

*Releases the Greens, microbots of subatomic scale. They catch each of the atoms within His Divine Shadow, and suspend all activity. Rearranging the atoms within Shadow's brain, they convince him that he is in fact a very small kitten inside a shoe.*

and just for the fun of it,

*pulls from nothingness a very large shoe, and places Shadow inside of it*

You see? it's just no fun to fight people who cheat.

*the kitten looks up from the shoe, its eyes have turned totaly black. The kitten opens its mouth and roars, the roar doesn't stop, it echos and echos building power the longer it goes until, inevitably, the sound waves are powerful enough to cause Artenshuir to be swept away. As he flies away, the kitten levels its black eyes at him and shoots eye lasers that vaporize his body*

that's better

*the kitten curls up in the shoe and licks its paws, cutely*

*goes all gooey and girlie*

OOH! It's a KITTEN!

*picks up the sweet, 'lil, furry, cutie THING and goes to run the pwecious cat a bath*

I'm gonna comb you straight and put a bow on you... Think pink will be good

*the cute little kitten turns its scary black eyes on SM at this point and sinks its large, poisened, serated, and excruciatingly painful fangs into her wrist and claws her arms and legs with his very large, razorish multi-inch long talons*

you don't want to do that

*swats at kitten's paws and pats it hard on the nose*

Bad kitty! Maybe you're getting a bit too boisterous. I should get a vet's appointment sorted out for you...

*the pretty kitty, snarls evily and dives into SM's pants and "sorts her out"*

*wonders how a kitten could fit in there*

*does the only sensible thing, takes off her trousers and grabs the kitten by the scruff*

Bad kitty. I think your claws will need a trim too

*the kitten twirls cutely by its scruff, then its beautiful coat secretes a painful acid (to which it is imune) which cause a great deal of pain in SM's hand. The kitten drops to the ground, dives for her leg, latches on, and begins to claw at her thigh vicously*

*SM's hand is dissolving from the acid! No, wait... it's just going blue, and sparkly...*

*the acid drops harmlessly through SM's unfazed hand and falls to the floor. She stands and looks bemusedly at the kitten now swiping at blue mist*

*the kitten, being held by nothing, falls to the ground, landing easily on its feet. It suddenly convulses, starts twitching and whatnot, and makes an unhappy kitty noise, then roars like a lion, and keeps on convulsing and twitching*

*SM solidifies*

I'm sorry, I can't see this finishing before Sunday. I'm gonna have to give up, since I'm about to disappear offline for three weeks Good fight though

*the kitten suddenly stops convulsing, it disapears and HDS stands in its place*

Rats! I was about to turn into a giant cat and eat you! Oh well, *extends his hand for a shake* Good fight!

*shakes hand, and bows, vanishing in a puff of blue smoke as she does so*

see you later

Will people never learn? Continuity man, continuity. You did not in fact turn into a kitten. You just thought you did. rendering the entire subsequent set of events utterly out of order.