h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Arten throws the equivalent force back at the bolshevik, cancelling.*

Strong, you be. That blast, if properly applied, could have moved the entire human genome a metre. And I don't just mean one strand.

*Arten fades into his half-sleep, which can be used to alter reality, and resets the positon of the speakers to a location directly integrated into the Bolshevik's shoulders, facing inwards.*

You don't seem to understand. I'm pseudoomnipotent. It doesn't matter that it's not the real thing, you can't beat me. I could just as easily turn your powers off entirely, or blink you out of existence eternally, no one remembering you. You see?

Unmoveable yes, but I didn't move them. See?

I understand what you're saying, but the same can be said for me: we appear to have reached a stalemate already!
[pulls the electricity on the speaker cacophony]

[throws an axe at Artens head, another one at his torso and another one at his...leg, all simultaneously and at such a speed they are unavoidable, and so big that they can't be run from]

omnipotence is an obstacle to be overcome: but I like obstacles and I can jump!

I know noone is going to win outright: but it can be taken to the judges once one of us is bored: and I'm just getting warmed up!

*Arten pauses time, and blinks the axes out of existence.*

To be fast enough to be unavoidable to a Gadian, those axes would have had to be going about Tachyon .75. Since it's impossible to accelerate to that speed, you couldn't possibly have thrown them.

*Thinks of something creative, just for the fun of it. Doesn't feel like winning right now, since it would be so unoriginal, however easy.*

Take this!

*turns the bolshevik pink and nectary-smelling, with a few old powers of his. He then lifts up a few honeybee's nests out of a nearby log. What a hollow log is doing in Stonehenge we may never know. In any case, the bees ignore Arten and speed immediately for this wonderfully large flower, apparently. Arty then pulls out a cell phone, and calls the Humane Society. Within minutes, hundreds of heavily armed animal rights activists surround the area, ready at a moments notice to defend the poor helpless bees.*

*Arty then pops into an alternate universe, with a nice little wormhole to stonehenge which accepts only visible light by way of a Q filter. Through this "impassable window", Arten watches the developments quite comfortably, and safely.*

*Mystrunner, who was not liking the way one mortal was being treated by a god, twists his hands in a hard-to-look-at manner. Space/time bends in an agonizing way, and Arty's universe is suddenly contained in a small plastic bag, in the center of new york, next to a small weasel who happens to hate plastic bags.*

*giggles, but wonders if an action from someone on the outside of the battle would make the battle null and void.*

Tricky one... I'd ask MoG.

[GB decides that he needs to rid himself of some problems: he tells the human rights activists of the plastic bags littering NY, who all dissapear in an instant.]

[He then refers to himself in third person]

What should I do? What should I do? [conjures a rain cloud to wash off all the stuff placed on myself, and bees don't like rain anyways]

You fight good!

[Can't go on the offensive, so just stands waiting with his bokeler]

The Human rights all come and dump some plastic bags, and start to sort through them, and when He is found Arten is recreated.

GB then gathers up five years worth of toenail clippings of the whole of his hometown (50000 people including PE university students!) and they all surround Arten!

GB then gets a peg for his nose for the over-powering smell of cheese and curls up in the classic therapy foetal position to await Arten's inevitable attack!

Alright. I'm going to point several things out here, and then ignore them. First of all, they are not human rights activists. They are animal rights activists. Secondly, my dear friend Mystrunner, even contortions in spacetime can't affect outside universes. You could move the i/o point of the wormhole, but that's about it. Only with Reality altering capacities may one move or change a universe. Even if you had such capacities, it would be entirely impossible by the simple rules of logic for a universe to be contained in another universe. It just doesn't work that way. Furthermore, I am not Arty, I am Arten. Arty is a separate character, who works for the ACF, and is entirely incompetent. Lastly, and this is the most important point, I am NOT a god. I am not even remotely a god. I am pseudoomnipotent, but perfectly well a mortal. I am pointing out to this DEMIGOD that he can't possibly beat me because the essence of my character is a cheat. So, you see Mystrunner, it is not wise to meddle when you haven't read or don't understand the backlog completely, especially when I'm involved. I could go on for hours with complaints, but what's the point? Putting all of this aside...

*offers hand of truce to the bolshevik*

finished yet?

Sorry about the human/animal thing: typo [damned spelling daemons!]

Hand of truce?!? Getting bored?

Plus, I know what you're saying about the pseudo-omnipotence thing: you aren't confusing me. Plus what you're saying to M.R. neglects one thing: it isn't actually possible to have more than one universe in the first place: so if what you were doing was impossible, then you can't criticise M/R from doing the same thing

So were these past few posts a serious attempt, or was it just to teach me a point that I already know?

Oh, I've just been having fun. I like ranting, and complaining and that sort of thing. It all has to do with my condition. And I'm sorry, MR, that was a bit hostile. But GB, I realize that under the actual definition of "universe" you can't have more than one, but I meant it in its colloquial meaning, that is an independent space-time continuum.

And as my mother says, if we all went around ignoring colloquialisms, where would we be?

Of course, I always respond with "In a place where the colloquialisms are true to the original meaning", but that's irellevant.

Does that mean you want to stop?

Indeed. I am, in fact, a pacifist, and I sense escalation in this.

Me too: I verge between absolute pacifism and the other type (I can't remember the name!)

What does this mean: a tie? [and methinks you don't fear you escalation, you feel loss! ]
GB

I fear no loss, nor escalation. I just rather dislike the animosity that builds during extended and escalated cheatfights.

And I suppose if you're the competitive type we can call it a draw.

Well, since we're both pseudoomnipotent, it ought to be a draw! But what if i'm not the competitive type: what would it be then?

Plus didn't you contradict yourself: "Ifear no escalation...I just rather dislke the animosity that builds during escalated cheatfights"

How is that statement a contradiction...?