h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Oh, a wizard has a staff with a knob on the end...

He does?

First mate, instead of constantly adjusting the ship to a changing wind, why not just adjust the wind?

What? Oh, come on, I know I've been away a few years but nobody has the technology to do that, at least not with anything portible.

Anyway, I need to ask you about something you have taken great pains to keep secret.

This device is the finest craftwork my people are capable of. Nothing should ever be conceiled from it. Yet you have succeeded. You have...something...in a pocket at your hip, I think. My device can't tell me what it is or even exactly where it is, but it indicates that something is there. This incredible feat of deception is the reason I thought you were one of my people, come to collect me for a crime I commited far away from here.

I must now ask that you tell me what you are hiding. I suspect that all our lives may depend on this.

Think about what you will tell me. I must get the charts and the sextent to find out position and determin the heading for Santa Maria.

Santa Maria, our new destination!
Hear this, Great Winds, and protect our station
Even as you handle our navigation
Give us smooth sailing and acceleration!

*Uli recites these lines with face and hands upliftd to the breeze. After a moment, the wind drops and there is a brief calm. And then the wind picks up again but from a new quarter*

I think this First Mate will not give me any credit for this... but that was an interesting box, even if it doesn't work. Or perhaps it was not turned on. I have seen a music box that would only make music if a button was pressed.

*follows the First Mate down to the captain's cabin*

and I hope I get there -- success at posting to threads, let alone even getting to h2g2, has been at best intermittent