h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Jamie looks wistful*

I don't suppose there's a chance of a glass of wine, sir? Orbit, you know...

*A waiter mateiralises - not literally, he appears from behind a potted plant. A palm, if you must know, with no potatoes under it (Jamie checks, it's contagious)*

*The waiter is not wearing a toga, he, well...*

http://images.buycostumes.com/mgen/merchandiser/19323.jpg

*He's obviously got his towel with him, and he offers Biermann grapes*

We have triclinia in the back, sir, if you'd be more comfortable with your, er...

*He glances at Jamie quizzically. This is his first week*

*Biermann accepts a cluster of grapes*

Triclinia, eh? Wer nie das Brot im Bette aß, der weiß nicht, wie die Krümel pieken!°

*This last is addressed to Jamie, with a wink, because he's feeling cheerful*

Why not? My...

*He decides to take the easy way out*

...shipmate and I will give it a try, I think. Unless you object, Jamie?

*He's tempted to try to catch the grapes in his mouth, but it's probably not conduct befitting an officer, at least not in public*

Oh yes, and a beer for me and a glass of wine for him, please. Whatever's best.



°Who never ate his bread in bed doesn't know how scratchy the crumbs are.

*Jamie looks at Biermann with widened eyes*

If you're sure, sir...my Presbyterian upbringing is against it, as that great theologian Cecil B DeMille taught us that the worst sin in the world was eating grapes lying down...

*He winks back*

But when in orbit above Remulad, do as the Remuladians do, I suppose...

*The waiter, a bit confused by all this, leads them into the back room, where, indeed, triclinia are available*

Please help yourselves to the hors d'oeuvres, gentlemen, while I get your drinks.

*Biermann sits on the edge of one of the three padded couches, hesitates for a moment as he wonders whether to take his boots off, and then decides that there would be a sign or something if he did*

*He flops down comfortably - flat on his back, for now, rather than propped up on his side - and inserts one of his grapes into his mouth*

Aren't we all poor sinners...

*He chews the grape thoughtfully, looking at the pretty pictures on the ceiling*

Though I suppose you can just eat something else if it makes you feel better.

*He rolls over on his side and pushes himself up on his elbow to wink at Jamie*

*Jamie reaches over to the hors d'oeuvres buffet and picks up a slice of pita, dipping it in an interesting-looking sauce, and grins before taking an appreciative bite*

The veggies look good here, sir...the broccoli's fresh..

*He leans back and almost chokes as he sees the 'pretty pictures' on the ceiling*

http://farm1.static.flickr.com/173/436701464_b66c97b9df.jpg

Er, nice decor, sir.

*More out of a sense of duty than because he particularly feels like broccoli, Biermann picks up one of the little florets and submerges it in a thick white sauce*

Oh, nothing you haven't seen before, I'm sure. Wouldn't want to be accused of corrupting you...

*He crunches it thoughtfully*

Though if the Captain asks, it's Art... See, they have drapey things.

*Jamie chuckles as the waiter brings in drinks for them, and waits for their orders*

Drapey things, sir, yes...

The Captain knows about Art, sir...he loot-, er, appreciated a bit of it in Spain and France.

*He wonders idly what Biermann might think he hadn't seen yet...*

http://www.branaghcompendium.com/pea.jpg

*Biermann orders two steak dinners - or the closest thing this restaurant has, please - Jamie having implied earlier that he'd not mind one himself*

*He lifts his drink*

Here's to the Captain then, and Art.

*He closes his eyes as he takes the first gulp of beer, then licks the foam off his upper lip*

Ah, that's more like it.

*Jamie returns the toast*

To the Captain, sir. And Art.

*He enjoys the wine - an uncommon pleasure - and the company, and, in a bemused way, the, er, Art*

*Below them, the planet Remulad goes about its business - and so may you*

*Kyra stretches, yawning, and pushes her tangled hair away from her eyes. Frankie snorts in her sleep and rolls over as Kyra gets up and pulls on a robe. The doors to the balcony are still open, and Kyra wanders out, still half asleep, to watch the bustle of pedestrians below*

*She takes her time getting dressed and leaving the hotel. She's dressed in cool, flowing clothes to make the most of the infrequent breezes, and sandals tied up to her knees. She fits into the scene around her, and she looks and acts as if she'd lived there her entire life. In fact, she hasn't lived anywhere as long since she was 12*

*She buys some fruit, speaking the local dialect with barely an accent, and takes it to a fountain to share with Frankie*

*Malaba Ayin isn't dressed according to the local fashion - she couldn't afford new clothes just for a single trip. The tickets were expensive enough!*

*But she is wearing a proper Mariposa uniform rather than her usual jumpsuit, jacket buttoned back because of the heat. Her boots are shiny, and she looks excited and eager as she squeezes her way through the crowds, carefully keeping a hand over the pocket containing her ticket*

*The Remulan language is strange, but it's easy enough to get the gist of the signs with the Earth languages she's learned, and it's easy enough to find someone with knowledge of Standard Galactic in case that isn't enough*

*Kyra stops splashing water onto Frankie when she sees a familiar uniform. She would have faded back into the throng if she hadn't recognised Malaba*

*She gets up, smiling*

Hi! Nice to see a familiar face!

*Frankie wags her tail and goes to greet Malaba*

*Malaba quickly tucks the end of her neckcloth back in, having pulled it out to mop her face*

Oh, hello, Lieutenant.

*As an afterhtought, she salutes*

Nice, um, weather down here.

*Kyra grins*

It's warm, yeah. How long are you planetside?

*Frankie moves to the shade beside the fountain and collapses, still wagging her tail lazily*

*Malaba notes the rings on the fountain with approval - in this kind of a climate, you have to be able to tie your horse by the water*

Just for today. Just going to the hippodrome, which isn't for hippos - they race horses there!

*Kyra splashes water onto Frankie, and angles it slightly towards Malaba, playfully*

Sounds like fun.

*Malaba moves out of the way - she's trying to keep her uniform tidy, because she takes the fact that she's representing the Mariposa very seriously*

I think it will be. But the thing is, it's hard to find. They have all these stadiums and things all over the place. Do you happen to know?

*Kyra stops splashing and stands up*

Sure, I know where it is, this way.

*She smiles and gestures down the street, leading the way. Frankie doesn't get up until Kyra whistles for her*

*Malaba follows Kyra gratefully. The streets are windy and crooked, and asking directions doesn't do much good if you don't know where the landmarks are anyway*

Thanks - I did take the early shuttle to be sure, but it's *busy* here!

*Kyra grins back over her shoulder*

I know, it's great, ain't it?

*She zigs around a group of giggling kids, but Frankie stops to get some attention, until Kyra whistles for her again*