h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

there is a long paneled hallway bearing lifesize portraits of historical pirates. Between portraits are a series of doorways.
third doorway on the left is the private hideout of Shagbark.
Inside Is a four poster made of carved hickory. A safe full of jewels.
On the top of which sits a satellite phone. Next to the safe is a lead lined box full of radium that shagbark has been putting into certain casks of whiskey to confuse alec .
Beside this is a large hickory wardrobe and a stand for cutlasses.
Shagbark comes in to take a nap.

shagbark failed to notice that the batteries have run down on the cloaking device that made this area invisible all these years.

shagbark wakes up and heads down to the lighthouse bar.

shagbark returns and notices the battery indicator.
Opening the compartment is a sign reading
replace with #762-900v battery available at all
Alpha Centauri locations.\
NOW JUST WHO DID I FREEMANTLE THIS THING FROM

shagbark quickly works up a sign to place on the door of his quarters:
DANGERRADIOACTIVE: KEEP OUT

He hangs sign on door
DANGER
RADIOACTIVE AREA
KEEP OUT

He takes some of his private stock of radium and sprinkles the sign.
that should secure some privacy until I find a battery that will work.

*turns sign around and writes 'Please enter without knocking' on it*

staggers down hall. Turns sign back to original wording.
enters chamber and places cutlass in stand. Plops on bed and falls fast asleep.
OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG . OOOOG .

Lanzababy wanders past -

Those sleeping pills appear to have worked at last!

*wanders past, turns the sign back around and carries on to the bar...*

*hobbles past, hears and decides he's heard more then enough*

shagbark stealthily slips in to the room across the hall from his private quarters where he has stashed a press from the Quidhampton paper mill and a stack of freemantled bank note paper.
I wonder if I put alec's picture on a five quid note what would happen

hehehe


Shall we find out?

don't forget the beard

staggers down hall. Turns sign back to original wording.
enters chamber and places cutlass in stand. Plops on bed and falls fast asleep.
zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .zzz zzz zzz OOOOG space .

*swaps the sign for a whole new one that says 'Danger: Men at work. Mind the bark chippings and splinters'*

I hear Shagbark is sleeping like a log

(with apologies to Paul H our resident pun champion)

shagbark wakes up and goes to the pelican's nest.

shagbark returns and throws the new sign into his chipper.