h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* moves the 's from the plate onto the tray, pours a little cream from jug on the tray onto the plate. Passes the plate of cream to Kes *

I think you had better do this - at least the toaster knows you

*Pushes the milk tray (non chocolate variety) half-way towards the toaster*
Here you are little chap .... come on out .... nice little drinkie for you ....
*The toaster turns front-on to the tray; a few gears grind quietly*
That's it ..... nothing to be afraid of ...

I say! I think it's going to come out!

* holds breath and watches anxiously *

*The toaster slides forward, appears to sniff at the milk ...then stops and spits out two slices of untoasted bread*


Hmmm ... I wonder what that means? Don't you like milk?

What is the matter little toaster?

[toaster] Not liking being shouted at. Non-toast not my fault. Heaters not connected.

Oh toaster did they should at you? I am sure that they did not mean it. Would you like Kes to connect your heaters, he really is very kind and very gentle with his hands.

C'mere. toaster ...c'mon ...
*The toaster shuffles within reach. Kes flips the side down, and checks the wiring*
Sorry toaster - you're right! I messed up. Hang on ...
*He clips a loose wire into a connector block, then fastens the side back up again*
There ... Hold still while I try a network connection - won't hurt ...

*Plugs toaster into network ....goes to keyboard and types WHITE x2*
Let's see!

There you see toaster, Kes is not that bad is he?

*The toaster whirrs gently. The bread feeder engages; two slices go in ... more interesting noises from within ... the exit rollers engage ...and out slide two slices of toast ... a little pale, but buttered*

Nice toaster! Well done, toaster!
*Pats toaster*
We can adjust the settings later. Good toaster!

Thats amazing - what a great job toaster

Well done Kes

*strolls by - notices two familiar persons talking to a toaster - makes personal note to himself: cut down on whatever was in those last pancakes of yours*

* looks up from the toaster *

Kes, there is something I wanted to ask you and Alec. Do either of you guys have a TV we could put up in the Bar? I have had a request to be able to screen some football matches

Yes, I've got one which I hardly ever use. You can have it for the bar. I'll bring it along when I install the toaster. I'd just like to run a few more tests here - different toppings - that sort of thing.
*Pats the toaster*
Nice little chap, isn't he?
*Goes to keyboard, types: WHITE + STRAWBJAM x1 ; WHITE + LEMONCURD x 1 . Sits back to see what happens*

*alec quickly stands on top of the 'slap-on' rollaway steel punch cabinet, in case talkie toaster gets out of hand again*

alec.

*The bread feed proceeds smoothly ..... interesting gurgling sounds arise as the toaster attempts to select the toppings .... FLUMP! FLIMP! Out come two pieces of toast with alternate red & yellow stripes of topping*

Well done, toaster .. very good .... a bit of tuning needed, but basically sound ...

...wow kes, you obviously have a way with machinery...

[talkie-toaster,for it is he ] :" !!!MACHINERY !!!! "

*talkie-toaster jumps to the floor and opens tap on side of slap-on rollaway etc etc allowing contents of newly installed keg of Adnams to escape into the backlog*

alec

Oh no! Not Adnams! What a waste!
You mustn't do that again, toaster!
*Wags finger at toaster*

...ssshhh...look busy...i think that was Cap'n Peruse, going through the backlog just then...

alec