h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

If you go up the St. Lawrence you might need a bit of French. HRH may have conquered Quebec but she never got them to speak the Queen's English

Then farther west if coming by ship you need to take the weland canal around Niagara Falls
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Welland_Canal.
In RL I actually visited this spot years ago.

I've alsways wanted to go to Canada! Lets be orf!

Now then, er... Where are we again?

We are in the South Atlantic,about a far from anywhere as we can get

the ship's charts are a tiny bit muddled up right now - but maybe this would help?

*shows the Navigator a Postcard* Just take a look at the stamp on the back

http://www.danstopicals.com/tristan_da_cunha291.jpg


I'm sure we're not lost - are we?

Lost? Of course not! How can we be lost? You're right there and I'm right here, we have witnesses who can verify this...

It's just in *relation* that I need to know where to go!

Righto, while I plot us a nice journey, will somebody do a quick headcount and stow the vespas?

Cheers!

*opens a laptop and starts messing around with multimap*

!Sven!! You heard the Navigator! Just run around dear and count that we are all back aboard. And tidy up a bit.. there's a dear.



Then bring some and to the Consulting Rooms.

I'd better go down to the hot and steamy to get stoking I said "STOKING" There wasn't any 'R' in it Can't you just tell I'm a Scorp

*points nortirascal in the direction of the training videos in post 1242*

Lanzababy. The works interanet won't let me access anything not on the perscribed list, it sends a note to the IT to say I've been trying to access an unauthorised site, I'm very naughty and need my legs slapping = "Please explain email"

May we stop off in Argentina to stock up on Fray Bentos and I can practice my Espanol por Professora, she's on my case again for poor grammer Apparently it's Oficial DE carcel, tut I missed the 'de' bit

I love south American Spanish. Lovely and slow...

How come you're doing Spanish in that carcel of yours?

Mi amiga Professora 'E' is educating me, via from Madrid, where she teaches Spanish. Hence the very strict grammer and the fact my spanish is antique as beowulf (8th centuary)

I am an Oficial de carcel, I'll refrain from translating that one However I do get to go home every night from my carcel.
Don't you find south American Spanish full of slang and indian words??? The Peurto Ricans are worse still
I couldn't understand a word while I was there It was Spanish, but not castillian as we know it.

My neighbour comes from Madrid - and I can't understand a word he says- mind you he is mostly and speaks far too fast. Plus, he has roving hands, so I usually away when I see him.


Keep up the good work Señor Oficial de Carcel!

Now - get on with firing up the engines ready for Alec and the Captain's orders.

Hm, maybe we should go via Argentina. I could do with some of there beef and Trapiche

I'd better check with the navigator on the bridge

Perhaps we could go via Mexico as well? Get some Tequila. "Yo tequila"

I'd better get on with some work before Alec is on my case

Diesels eh? I'd have preferred Y100 boilers, but I'm quite happy as a Donk Shop Horse, me hearties. Can't beat the drum of Paxman Valenta's, unless the super-chargers catch fire of course British Rail were very good at that, setting fire to their Paxmans

Can't we have at least one Rolls Royce Merlin engine for me to play with? Leather seats, the wind in your hair Tally ho! Dakka, dakka, dakka

We have a collection of vintage cars down in the holds, but they are not for playing. It's one of the holds for endangered species

Do you also happen to have "My little tank" ('allo, allo uk centric) down there as well?

It is easy to get lost down there. Would you really want alec coming to find you?

Well, urrrrrrrrrrmmmm, I suppose I do have Navo (Robyn) lurking in my head as conscience I'm guessing she may help me find my way back like Hansel and Gretel I fully appreciate, like in my head, there are some places where it can be extremely dangerous to go tinker with, and probably wouldn't work anyway

I almost got lost in my own mind once. Then I found my way. And then I was out of my mind for yonks