h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

hi kasia

i would gladly fetch you some braincells from mensa, paul, but i'm afraid they won't let me

i'm only an associate member, see?

In theory I have enough brain cells to last me until I complete my secret mission on

*Tops up the ship's compass with meths, and attempts to plot a course across the Atlantic. Would that be the fish course, I wonder?*

if that course crosses both the course and the sargasso sea there should be plenty of sushi for all

which brings us back to

thank heavens for that

oh, and

If you knew sushi, like I know sushi.
Oh, oh, oh what a

which brings us back to
thank heavens for that



Thank heaven for little ,
For little get bigger every day.
Thank heaven for little ,
They all go down your throat in a nice way...

i prefer sushi to siouxsie any day - with or without her banshees

I was just telling the captain that it is springtime in Johannasburg. Maybea trip south of the equator would get us away from hurricanes and bird flu.

Gosh, I didn't know hurricanes and infected birds stopped when they reached the equator.

As a matter of fact hurricanes are mainly a northern hemisphere event.
there have only been one or two recorded in the southern Oceans.
Also once created they almost always peter out before reaching anywhere near the Equator.

rechecking my facts I find that there are some hurricanes in the s. Indian Ocean. however they rotate in the opposite direction.
the Corriolis effect is weakest at the Equator so all hurricanes start at least five degrees north or south of it.

it's been a while since our last safari, so let's sail to south africa there should be plenty of good opportunities to stop over on our way down there and we are not in any hurry. i should like to see guinnea bissau again, and the cap verde islands and the ivory coast

It's a good thing us pirates have strong immune systems because while we are not likely to run into bird flu there the older deiseases such as hepatitus, typhoid fever and AIDS are widespread in Bissau.

hippietitis and aids are certainly no laughing matters

and as for the bird flu i'm not sure we are in the clear down there. some of our birds migrate right now, you know

South Africa, rather than France?
OK - just give me a moment to figure it out ...

*Looks at lines on the chart*

Now ... we're here ... and France is there ... so this line represents our current course.

In order to get to S. Africa, we will have to make a right turn, like so ...

*adds a line to the chart*

So ... Engine Room! Full Astern both!

*Observes that the others on the Bridge are perplexed by the last command*

Don't worry! We had to be going backwards before changing course, otherwise I wouldn't have been able to say .......



















Helmsman! Left hand down a bit!

The bird flew? Where did it fly?

and try not to hit the canary islands this time

right, time to celebrate something

::checks calendar::

er - well, seems like we are only one week away from guy fawkes night. reason enough for me to celebrate

*Re-checks chart, compass and last maneouvre. Trys to figure out a way of turning the ship through 180 degrees (so it will be headed for S. Africa) without anyone noticing.*

not to mention 270 degrees...

Kes, I have absolute and total absence of a lack of confidence in your ability to not mess up this critical maritime operation.

Eschew obfuscation

Ring, Ring~~lookout to bridge~ You are getting dangerously close to the Morrocan coast so unless you plan to put in at El Jadida Im suggest you make a course correction to put us on a more easterly path.~~