h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Lady of Shallot]

Has that time difference thing happened again, it's like mystical jet-lag (whatever jet-lag is).

(Sir Knight of RM and GHC)
"what is a jet?"
"oh, how did I get here?"

[Lady of Shalott]

Oh, good, you're awake. Did you bring a map, because I'm just a female and have no sense of direction. Which way do we go now to find the dragon?

(Sir Knight)
"jump up behind me on the hourse; Percy has the scent of the dragon and can take us directly there, I hope..."
{mumbles something about drinking women acting all feble when it suits them..}

(Sir Knight)
Grabs waist
of Lady and hoists her up on to Percy..

(Percy)
"Will you 2 stop argueing? Or am I going to have to listen to your gripes all the way there?"

[Lady of Shalott]

*Leaps gracefully on to horse and holds on to knight, possibly slightly tighter than necessary*

Mmm, this is cosy.

*Their cloaks flow out behind them as they ride off following the scent Percy has picked up.*

(Woman's prerogative again - of course I'm all feeble. *Girlish giggle - tee-hee*

Percy, stop your whinging or I'll get my stilettos out your saddlebag and use them to get you moving!!!

Tee-hee.

(Percy)
"Did she say stilettos?"
shiver...

(Sir knight)
"look what is that up ahead? I think it may be the underground dragon-guarded lost Elf kingdom.."

[Lady of Shallot]

I'll take your word for it, my head is buried in your back and I can't see past your broad shoulders.

(Sir Knight)
shall we stop here, and rest for the night here at this empty Hovel, there is room for Percy outside and I see a freshly made bed inside..."
"strange how it is dersterted like this"


(Narrator)
Hourse, and its two riders pull up at the Hovel and percy
is teathered with one of those short ropes between his legs that have a name the narrator cannot remember. the two riders; the Beautiful Lady and the Knight, enter the Hovel and examine their surroundings..
A small table stands in teh center of the one-room Hovel, and away to one side a large double eed is freshly made, but the Hovel is quite clearly empty; and has not been lived in for years. The Knight begins sweeping the floor with a brush handly left inside the Hovel, the Lady lights the fire; which contains fresh, dry wood kindling..

[Lady of Shalott]

Could I have a lock of your hair, it's supposed to be the best thing for getting a fire started.

*looks around to make sure no-one is looking then pulls a pen knife from inside her corset*


*There is a rustling in the corner and 3 pairs of eyes peer out from the shadows*

(Dwarf 1, 2, and 3).
"hi"

(narrator)
Dwarf 1 and 2 move to the fire and light it with an earth shatering efficiency, that even has the Lady of Shalott, in awe.

(Dwarf 3)
"Do not be afraid, we believe you are on a quest and wish to help you in your efforts to distroy the Dragon, which beset a fear on the land so dark as to scare the from our waters.

(Dwarf 1)
"Since the terror and reign of the Dragon, we have suffered plague and fammine, the streams, which once flowed down from the mountain have stopped, the dragon, although he is asleep creates much heat and this has driven the waters from our lands, and we can neither farm our lands, or use the waters to help in our gold-making."

(Dwarf 2)
" that does it, the fire is well alight now, we shall depart and rejoin you in the morn to help as we can in the quest; fear not, we have many bretherin throughout these lands and all have been told to guard this place; we knew of your coming to our blighted lands before you yourselfs probably knew of your coming. We shall go now"

(Narrator)
Dwarfs walk out of the Hovel, giving the Hourse Percy some grass as they pass by, and begin singing a dwarfish song as they pass on their way. Both the Lady of Shalott and the Knight are awestruck by the supprise of their new found help on their great quest, whilst glad of the now alight fire. The knight finishes sweeping the floor, and the Hovel appears very, very hospitible.

(Knight of RM and GHC)
"That was a bit of luck"
Yawn..

(Narrator)
The Knight pulls out a map and places it on the table, looking over the map it shows the labrynth passages and halls that run throughout the interour of the mountain, within which the wealth of the Elf kingdom lays, alongside the sleeping Dragon.

[Lady of Shalott - impressed with the colourful narrative, and general padding out of the hitherto flimsy plot]

Can I hear the strains of "Hi-Ho" being sung in the distance?

gosh, I'm

*climbs into the large and extremely comfortable bed.*

mmm, cosy.

*sits up, throws a pillow and blanket onto the floor that has been swept so clean a knight could sleep on it*

There you go, goodnight.

Narrator: For our heroine, sleep falls swiflty.

flimsy plot, and you went and spoiled the whole idea of it...
(Narator)
Knight leaves hovel to join Percy, in the cold alone outside...

[Lady of Shalott]

*Rolls over in her sleep and giggles*

Tee-hee!

(Narrator)
In the dark within the Hovel, four sets of yellow eyes appear, unseen in the faintened glow of the remains of the dwindling fire.
From the corner of the room, four battle clad elfs emerge and move towards the bed....

(Percy)
hmmmmm

(Knight of RM and GHC)

mummbles; damm woman, talk about crossing signals

(Narrator)
The Elfs stand at the side of the bed, Majic and swords poised to kill the sleeping form that may otherwise one day beset aloft their dark plans for the kingdom...

(Dwarf 1, 2 and 3)
"Hi ho, Hi, ho, its off to bed we go....."

in the hovel;

[Lady of Shalott]

*Stirring*

If that's you, Knight, go away. I'm far too tired to even try and get out of this corset. And remember the moderators.

[Lady of Shalott]

*screams* (oh, good. I haven't had a chance to do any screaming yet and I'm guessing some was long overdue.)

*screams again*

(Sir Knight)
Hears noise within Hovel;

(Narrator)
Knight rushes in hovel, sees Elfs, and swiftly kills them... Using Majic and Sword... The Lady is so overweilmed she swiftly removes her corset!!! Knight and lady climb into bed....

(Percy)
"Knights get all the fun"
"hmmmm"

[Twinkle]

*A beautiful white horse, with shiny, flowing mane that makes male horses weak at the knees rides towards Percy*

Do you mind if I share a stable?