h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

[Nothing compares to the infinite sadness of a young dragon sobbing and sniffing. Battle hardened warriors are known to shed hot tears on this sight.. mind you: there's no way to wipe it's nose! The use of an asbestos blanket is generally regarded as a health risk!
While Kathy tries to restore the baby's left wing, Merlin briefly discusses with the parents... both worried, and obviously agitated.. sparks fly.. many a dragon will fly tonight]

*whilst working, the blue light intensifies, nearly done* its finished but she wont be able to fly. and merlin her mother is dead, youre speaking to her aunt and father.

[Merlin]Oh well.. I never really knew that dragons lived in groups (herds? whatever).. I though they were solitary most of the time.
By the way, would it be a good idea to fix a gold plate on that wing? that would give it some strength while the wing heals.. probably could fly with it as well.

[note to researchers: ALWAYS cover dragon wounds with gold.. anything else would either melt or dissolve when in contact with open wounds. Experiments with platinum are known, but not completed.
Apparently both silver and platinum are abused by juvenile dragons to produce euphoria, intoxication, and hallucinogenic states, and for their alleged role in producing a natural dragon tissue growth hormone. Perverts seem to use these metals as "date rape" drugs on young dragons, acting as central nervous system depressants.
Relatively low dosis of these metals in the bloodstream cause drowsiness, dizziness, loss of consciousness, and loss of inhibition, as well as memory impairment. Higher doses of these substances will cause unconsciousness, seizures, severe respiratory depression, coma, and even death.
Note that rouglhy the same goes for werewolves (hence the public widespread idea that it takes a silver bullet to kill a werewolve). Gold however is safe for both species; it does not have any side effects.]

merlin, silly. She's only a baby she cant have gold on her she wouldnt be able to fly! And if i put some pure gold on the intensity could kill her!

Not with a solid plate of gold she cannot.. look: You take a small gold coin (24K) and start to hammer it out like this:
[Merlin heats the coin in a dragon's mouth and hammers it out to a large sheet of incredibly thin gold. Merlin has, besides master's degree in white magic, some yet unknown degrees in darker colours magic, also a technical education]
Now this supports some, and it is thin enough so that it does not do any damage. You fix it on like this..

[Carefully takes the young dragon's wing and fixes the gold]

Here you go young lady.. now don't try to fly for a few hours.. Look at that.. shiny armour just like your daddy.

[the young dragon obviously is pleased with the golden sheet.. verrrry pleased... dragons are really very fond of gold. Tolkien was right in that]

Oh, and by the way.. I put some sheep's fat on the would.. that protects from the gold and it should heal the would in .. two hours or so.

[Merlin scratches the baby dragon's chin, avoiding the affectionate rain of sparks]

excuse me but I healed the wing. The gold will be stolen from her brother as soon as she get home. Why dont you, in two hours, make it into a ring that only she can wear?

Ooohh her brother.. No, he'll think twice before he tries to steal this.. He wouldn't dare..

[Dragons, although almost always solitary, do have a strong sense of relationship. They never will fight with close relatives (b****y dangerous as well mind you) and will certainly not harm younger dragons]

Although this wing is almost healed, you must protect it; stops her from scratching that wing as well. And she likes it.. look at that..

[ Meanwhile some of the larger dragons close in, the ground shakes a bit, and they seem to want to explain something.. urgent.. important.. exciting?]

One at the time boys.. one at the time..

if he's as young as she is he would.

*the dragons close in*

Merlin, do you speak dragon (only nymphs can but hey) i think ill translate

they say something concerning you and wait yes a castle???

do you know anything about this???

Hmm I can speak dragon, some of the more obscure dialects I find hard to understand.. The big one in front here has strong telepathic powers, so you don't need to speak anything at all.

[ the huge purple and gold dragon smiles politely and burps a few sparks while nodding ]

It appears they usually have a family party every 512 years (yess.. dragons do not use decimal numbers.. binary only which is probably their main reason for not having currency) and now there is a castle built on the mountain top where they always party. Probably is a good idea to go and have a look before they invite the inhabitants for a barbecue... as food or as guests..

[ the huge purple and gold dragon now smiles an enormous smile, some of the younger dragons start to set fire to a nearby tree. Meanwhile an african swallow flies in holding a coconut ]

[Merlin stares at the dragon, it starts to grin, laugh, and then roars , howls, tears running down his eyes]

I'm sorry.. that WAS a rude joke, besides it is only fun for dragons. The moderators would never allow me to tell it here, but I can think of it..

[The dragon whispers to his nearby relatives who start to grin, shake and roar..]

Well, it wasn't THAT funny, really..

honesly diamondflame act your age. Milkscale wants to know whether you (merlin) will do something for her here *sets up a speech spell* she's that little one there who has opalene scales

Do something here? no.. I suggest to go and see the site.

Yesss.. come, board a dragon, fasten your seatbelt and refrain from smoking; passengers are requested not to use electronic equipment during start-up and landing.
[ this is your dragon speaking, welcome onboard flaming airways, please observe the safety instructions]

huh whats a airplane

whats a airplane?? Well.. something like a dragon I assume.. although they may be from another timeline?

merlin you are such a romantic

[what more is there to say]
[more and more dragons join the now massive host, the sky now shining colours like an oak in early autumn.. as far as one can see there is dragon.
Merlin, on the back of the largest dragon of them all, stands up and raises his staff of oak. High above the now raging dragon army thunder builds.. a glow of sparks now surrounds all dragons, and in the middle of that massive army of dragons a little golden winged dragonette has landed on her aunt's back, exhausted but so incredibly excited that she shoots rainbow coloured sparks in all directions..while still jumping up and down.. no sleep for her!
For those who can stand to hear it the huge dragons start singing their ancient war song... for those who dare to look and to hear this is both eternal beauty and eternal horror.. few can live to tell the tale of the approach of a dragon army
Merlin gets a bit carried away by all this.. he starts breathing sparks as well.. how will this go on]

*merlin, whilst being caught up doesnt notice a full size dragon in the middle of the circle. she begins to breathe a column of flame in the middle it is purple* oops did you know merlin, wat this ceremony is for?

YEAH Great.. exciting isn't it? and we're front row, so to speak!

[Meanwhile an enormous host of dragons whirls around the centre dragon.. faster and faster.. Merlin now red-faced is also breathing fire.. will he change into a dragon? will he be grilled in dragon fire?]