h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

He's gone, too?

But Pheroneous is back. And Sir Dragonet... Let's see

[Sir Dragonet]

Ah, my leetel cherie, I 'av returned to to you 'oo hav waited so long for me.

'ere, let me eaze yor lonely leetel 'art in my stong arms, let me fold your cares away in my own strong 'art.

let us togevver make a symphony of lurv on zese leenen sheets worn smoov as seelk wiv years of passion and lurv.

**Looks around. Sees no bed, let alone sheets of linen or silk or anything at all**

(To self) Damn. It took me years to think of that line, and there's no flipping bed!

[Morgas]

[Sir Dragonet]

Zut alors, zat ees what I call a welcome 'ome. But take care, ma cherie, I will 'av leepstick on my visor!

[Morgas]
Would you prefer it somewhere else?

[Sir Dragonet]

**Removes entire helmet, exposing unshaven and obviously prickly chin**

OOh! Yes pleez ma cherie.

**Proffers cheek, noticing as he does so that the removal of the helmet has released from inside his suit of armour what can only be described as the unpleasant odiferous results of many hours in the saddle.**

Ah ha, you seem a leetel, 'ow you say, overcome, ma cherie! Eet as been so long zat you need a leetel swooning?

*recovers*
Thanks, I'm feeling better now...

[Sir Dragonet]

Ess verry pleasant to zee a leetel colour returns to your cheeks, my sweet. Alas, 'owever, it seems zat I must atend to zee personal 'ygiene for a bit of time.

(With that, our noble knight strips off his armour and jumps into the lake before the fine lady has a chance to take in the full glory of his holy long-johns!)

[Splendid Charger]

Clippity Clop, Clippity Clop. Neigh. Neigh.

[(Sweet) Sir Galahad]

**From astride Noble Charger**

What-ho, fair maiden.

[Narrator]

It should be pointed out that Sir Galahad is here in his full glory. He is young, 'vigorous', impossibly good-looking, sunlight glinting from eyes, teeth and beautifully polished armour. Truly a sight to bowl any maiden over.

[Morgas]

[(Sweet) Sir Galahad]

What ho sweet maiden. Thou art truly a comely lass. And art thou alone here? Is this a safe place for such beauty to be unaccompanied? May I not save you from something? I am jolly good at that sort of thing.

[Morgas]
Thank you, Sir, that's a very attractive offer. And I would love to accept it.

[(Sweet) Sir Galahad]

(With dazzling smile)

Well, let me lift you up on to my noble steed, and we shall ride away together, and by so doing I shall save you from all those scary wiggly creatures that you find in shady glades.

*sigh*

(Leans down and with one sweep of his strong arm he lifts the damsel fair up and onto his noble steed..)

[Sweet Sir Galahad]

(Over shoulder to Morgas, now seated behind him)

Where to, dear damsel?

[Narrator]

I happen to know that this young man is not exactly... how can I say? ... all that he seems. He is so named only because his mother was a fan of Joan Baez, and has never performed a sweet or knightly deed in his life. It is to be hoped, dear audience, that our Morgas does not throw CAUTION to the WIND, only to end up deceived again, and wishing once again for the smelly and stubbly, but nevertheless rugged charms of Sir Dragonet! I fear it may be too late!

[Morgas]
Hey, you don't wear any velour, do you?