h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A554753

The above entry has been submitted to the writing workshop and it was praised. I thought that as this had happended I would submit it to be edited.

This will be the first entry I have written that will be submitted for editing and I am willing to accept peoples' comments on it. I feel that the entry has relevant information, but it is really meant to be a bit of fun!

Cheers!

Grandad Ugg Keeper of Distant Relatives

You forgot to mention the extortionate snack trolley, which never appears when you are hungry but is always blocking the aisle when you are dying to go to the toilet.
Toilet ... now, don't even get me started on those!!!

What relevant information?

This article is just about the pathetic excuses we hear from motorists trying to justify their ecologically damaging habit. People who really use British trains got bored of jokes like this a long time ago.

you have omitted the most vital piece of information of all - that it is almost never worth buying a ticket, as there is no fine system in place. If the conductor comes, buy a ticket on the train. If not, travel free. Simple. And before anyone asks, i do not feel at all guilty about this. Look at Railtrack's annual profits, and then look at the service provided. Not paying is an act of protest against a shoddy product.

I have to disagree Mamathus ... I don't own a car and travel to and from work on the train every day. Not a week goes past without a train being late or even cancelled.
Cancelled trains may not be such a big problem in the big/well connected cities, but when you live in the countryside and the next train doesn't arrive for over an hour and a half it's a complete pain in the arse!
These are not *excuses by motorists* - I'm not a motorist and these things happen to me on a regular basis!

I know perfectly well how late and unreliable trains are. What I don't like about this article is that it's all old jokes and OTT cliches. Regular rail travellers never tell stories like this as after three hours waiting at Liverpool Lime Street it's no longer funny. You only hear this stuff from motorists.

Who is this article trying to inform?

People outside Britain are left none the wiser as to exactly what state British railways are in.

Rail travellers already know how bad the railways are.

Motorists have their silly prejudices confirmed.

This article currently has no relevant information in it. If it is to get into the edited guide it should contain some realistic details which would be of use to a potential traveller.

Well I am terribly sorry but I have to tell you that I am not a motorist and I use the train to travel to work every day. I go from a really remote station to the middle of Birmingham.

I have encountered all these problems. Please remember though, the article is meant to be a bit of fun!

Grandad Ugg Keeper of Distant Relatives

Okay, I guess I have a limited sense of humour with the railways.

You are right though, I shall put some more informative information in the entry, I shall put a serious section at the end. I will post again when it is finished.

Thanks

I see where you're coming from on this one and as a frequent traveller from my village to a big city on a much-cancelled branch line I sympathise with your sentiment but ... I think at the very least it needs a name change to imply the tongue-in-cheekness. This isn't about "British trains", it's about your perception of the state of our railways, created by poor management and political wrangling. Its name should reflect that and not mislead the unwary into thinking they might learn something useful about how to make the best of a mangled public transport system.
Nothing wrong with a bit of fun though, as long as it's clear that's what you're offering.

grandad, i enjoyed your article. it seemed to be in the true spirit of the original hitchhiker's guide. i am not a train rider, nor am i a motorist, i would be classified as 'potential future tourist'. and i found your article to be informative, contrary to other opinions.

it tells me that if i travel to britain (likely) and i use a train at some point while i'm there (also likely), that the train schedules are unreliable. if i should experience difficulty while i'm there, i should not take it personally, brittish rail is not out to get me just because i'm american.

as a matter of fact, i would probably be likely to not be as upset by such delays, but feel that i was getting the 'full brittish experience' by having to suffer them. i'm actually looking forward to it a bit. lets hope they don't improve service too much in the next ten years, or the effect would be totally lost on me.

good work

st. b

I don't think there is any chance in that happening!

Grandad Ugg Keeper of Distant Relatives

Well I live in Birmingham - a supposedly well connected big city.

Birmingham New Street has been a nightmare for delays and last minute platform changes for ages now. Its not just remote country stations that have this problem believe me.

And I've got to go there later today

I must say I agree with Metal Chicken though - a title change is needed.

How about - The British Train Journey Experience?

I'm afraid this one contains more opinion and ranting than is helpful for an Edited entry. You could mention the problems and downsides, but please *along* with the facts. Who owns/operates the system, how many miles of tracks are there, this kind of stuff please :-) You could also pull in some information from the entry on 'British Rail Tannoy Announcements' , http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A479973 , see also the WW thread at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/F57153?thread=90144 Bossel (Scout)

Isn't it true though? Maybe not as an edited guide entry, but I reckon some of the comments made earlier were a bit rash. I don't have a driving license yet, so public transport is my only way of getting about. I have caught buses that were so late the next one caught up with them, and I am not tired of these sort of jokes. If you can't laugh what can you do?

It's not the point whether one can laugh or not, it's the Edited Guide as a somewhat, but not entirely, encyclopedia kind of thing. Ranting and excessively humorous things must be hidden within facts to get them past the Italics which have to nod at every recommendation made by a Scout.

If you'd like to see how I failed at this then please compare these: http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A344251 (My full version), and http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A395372 (what was left after having it edited). Had the entry consisted only of the fun stuff then the Editors would have rejected it right away...

Bossel (Scout)

My train was cancelled yesterday because ......... the weather was too hot

Oh, I see! This isn't about it beind funny, this is about the editors removing your things, so you've basically come here to say that if you can't, neither can he?

HELLO? HELLO? YES, IT'S ME! I'M ON A TRAIN! WHAT? NO, I CAN'T HEAR YOU, I'M ON A TRAIN!

I have substantially modified the entry, and would be grateful of any comments that could now be given on the improved version.

Thanks

Grandad Ugg Keeper of Distant Relatives