h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'm not sure what part of Britain you are from but the same thing applies in every major city in Britain with minor differences.
I'm from Glasgow myself and we have many problems with the Townie/Goth war. (Mainly the Townies, the Goths scare people but tend to be kind souls.)
The main difference is the names. In Glasgow we call the Townies, Neds or Bams (occasionally Kappa scum after their favourite clothing brand and variations, Kappabams, Bampots, Schemies etc.)
The Goths are usually grouped in with a larger group called Moshers (Heavy metal fans/Punks/Goths/Cult of Richey type cutters/assorted strange other people.)
The Goths are the more peaceful side (Listen to the Cure, take up veganism, sign a lot of left wing petitions.) when the Hardcore moshers are the ones who perpetuate the war (Listening to Cradle of Filth, Beating Neds with baseball bats as a hobby, setting fire to churches etc.)
The neds themselves seem to be split into true neds (from working class council schemes) trying to act like the are a minority group, people who actually ARE from a minority group who for some reason hang around with Bams (This is rare but happens!), Middle class perfect children who rebel by becoming neds and worst of all Football Fascists (which themselves range from small-time bigots to fully fledged BNP young politicians)
I do not fall into either group but I tend to get grouped in with the moshers because many of my friends are, I hang around in mosherish areas (eg QM Union) and I hate the neds with a vengeance.
In my area the Moshers (and Goths etc) don't use the cemetaries (which they would like to) because they are afraid of the Ned wars that go on there at night (the neds like it because someone has kindly given them hundreds of concrete blocks to spraypaint their innane "warning symbols" on.
Bunch of W*****s!

If you think that's bad our town (St Albans, Hertfordshire..quite near London) was suddenly over ridden by sad townie slogans written in Black Permanent Marker (oooh, what hard people...they have pens) all around the town proclaiming little more than the words Outlaw Crew or OLC. I mean, these sad b******s think their hard and cool, apparently the eldest member of this little crew of 'hardmen' is about 14. I find the whole thing laughably (a few off my mates considered setting up an Inlaw Posse, to provide a suitable rival, but alas, we have a life).
I have to say, the stories of moshers is true to everywhere as far as I know, and although I'm not really one of them, generally get bundled in to their group (the townies seem to have some elitist rules against anyone who shows a whiff of individualism, or basic intelligence, as if I care).
Quite frankly, whatever name they go by, these people are scum and need to get a life, and if not, take their own lives.
Not that I've got something against them or anything

Oh yes, and dont think that all y'all are where it ends. Its here in the US as well. The townies you refer to are known as "wiggars" in the northeast and "yo's" here in the mid atlantic united states. I've also noticed that they tend to love souped up subcompacts, preferably low riders, with paintjobs as outrageous as their clothing. Of course, this car serves as nothing more than a platform to run their ridiculous car sterios from. To me this is the most annoying aspect of this people group, the music. If i see one i can look away or ignore them, but when their music causes dishes to rattle several miles away; there is no escape.

I do see goths, but rarely any real ones, mostly just people who are starved for attention, and get it by dressing in noticeable ways.

Terrible...the scourge of the townie seems to be spreading across the atlantic, any other reports of townie activity are much welcomed.
Perhaps together we can find a way to combat this menace, and return our streets to a place free from brightly coloured adidas/kappa/whatever the f**k is in style worshippers and bring joy and happiness, along with world peace and an end to famine everywhere....Well, this may be a slight exaggeration, but I'm sure we'd only be making the world a better safer place for our children (I'm only 16, I have no children...but this is I feel, irrelevant...you get the idea)

It would certainly bring about an increase of peacefulness, maybee not in the sense of an end to war, but certainly on a decible level....

I live about an hour and a half drive north of Sydney, Australia, in a place called Newcastle. I don't know how things are in Sydney itself, but here, if they exist at all, the numbers of townies are so small as not to attract attention. As far as goth go, we do no harm, hurt anybody, and just mind our own business

I live about an hour and a half drive north of Sydney, Australia, in a place called Newcastle. I don't know how things are in Sydney itself, but here, if they exist at all, the numbers of townies are so small as not to attract attention. As far as goth go, we do no harm, don't hurt anybody, and just mind our own business.

i live in canada, and though i've yet to meet any wiggars around here, there are plenty of goths

in general they're pretty harmless, though when they've got going they've organised school walkouts and the like

as for the drugs that people seem to associate with them, i can't speak for them all, but a friend of mine is a goth and the worst she's ever smoked is cinnamon sticks

Glasgow Goth Lament

Sittting at the bar reading Coleridge and Poe
In walks a NED and what do you know
He want to beat my brains in with a brick or so he thinks so
Doesn't he realise i spent 10 years studying Tae-Kwon-Do

Its just a Goth thing so leave us alone
Its just a goth thing you'd better just go

Inner harmony is so hard to share
when you hear that nasal sound and glacket stair
why can't they just leave us alone
hard to beleave this stupidity is home grown

its just a goth thing so just walk away
its just a goth thing you'll for another day

Seeing beauty in everything is so hard to do
With a NED stood in front of you
There is beauty in death don't they realise
His corpse on the pavevement would be a wonderful sight

its just a goth thing wearing black is so cool
its just a goth thing never understood at school


pLease note that this is written Tongue firmly in cheek and yes i am a goth and a real one at that as in SOG (SAD OLD GOTH)

Fantastic poem sir,

Captures the spirit of the Glasgow Goth/ned war beautifully.

What is your name, young Researcher, as you appear to have not changed it yet?

arggggghhhhhhhhhhh youve just fueled the whole argument, cos geee, that really helps!!!!!!! a 'townies' main argument is that you worship the devil etc, you might i dont know, but sayin you want to see the body on the pavemnt is sick. do yoou bite chickens heads off? arggggghhhhhhhh