h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I didn't know you had never tried *that* <!> If I had known I wouldn't have used the gherkin.

I didn't realise that I couldn't juggle 10 plates at the same time

I didn't think you ment "no" <!>

I couldn't hear because I had water in my ears<!>

I don't understand signs, so I didn't realise it applied to me.

Are you done? I'm sorry I was admiring the ceiling fan...

Officer, if I could *walk* I wouldn't need to drive, would I?

I don't think I could fill it from here.

But the painted white line does move in a zigzag fashion<!>

Help? Help? I needed help six hours and ten pints ago<!>

I thought the sober was out to get me<!>

I didn't want to turn around in the street, but the sign said *No! U turn!*

I'm not going out for a drink tonight, because I am going for a meal and then a drink, so I am unable to mop now.

I am unable to mop now because I need to sweep first and the broom needs cleaning. I can't clean the broom because I need the bucket to mop with.

I am unable<!>

We pay you on the first of the month, which is to say the money is transfered at midnight on the thirty first of the previous month. Or thirtieth or twenty eight as the case may be. On non-leap years we may pay at midnight of the first of March which is to say on the midnight of the day before the first of March whenever that day may be except in the case of the aforementioned leap year in which case you may be paid at midnight on the second of March, which may be considered the midnight between the first and second of March. All other months follow the original plan, except this month which will be your thirty seventh and terminal or final month since we don't actually have any records of hiring you. Thank you.

So you have to be actually sick then to use medical Marihuana?

Sign? What sign?

My printer ran out of ink

The printer ran out of black ink so rather than put the company in the red I didn't print the annual report in time.