h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

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This post has been removed by the Alien ambassidor for Zargantuan 5 because his mother in law prohibits the use of the word (word removed by mother in law)

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I had nothing to do with it.

...and nor did I.

I was going to go there but a Moderator removed the link before I could.

Do you think I could do that with a job like this?

I looked at it, decided what to do and then decided I couldn't do it so I told someone who could and they said they would get back to me. That was last year. Didn't they tell you?

Look, you've worked here for like ever. How could I possibly know what you know in one short year?

I couldn't (inappropiate use of a vegetable removed by FDA) Because the (appropiate use of adverb removed by vice chairman of council for insecurity) Branch of the (Inappropiate use of a fish removed by MAFF), Which is why the (non-approved use of an inappropiate word) had fallen off onto my <inappropiate use of bodey parts removed by BMC)

The pain from the [inappropriate use of a lawn-trimming device removed by John Deere] in my [inappropriate use of a body part remove by local clergy] made me so [inappropriate use of a verb removed by Larry Flint] that my [inappropriate use of a liquid removed by my Mom) spilled over the work I brought home.

The thing just wouldn't stop firing once I'd pulled the trigger, and I didn't know how to turn it off...

She answered the door with her boyfriend and then they put on black gloves and stabbed each other!

I tried to explain to the customer, as best I could the exact circumstances and reasoning behind the desicion to cancil his opperation in place of offering compensation by providing free air miles, but not only did he seem to fail to understand the underlaying logic and kindness of our offer, but, for some strange reason that i still yet ponder to try and disipher the reasoning behind, he seemed negative to a hugely large mammoth extent, the likes of which, I think and believe I can rightly say, and reiterate, that I have never experianced before the unfortunate situeation to which I am currently, and right now expounding to you in teh most precise manner I can, and, as at the time I explained to the customer, was not for my, nor the company's benifit but for the good of our dear, most valued customer, and that we did not only regard our customer's continuing absence from the hospital's death register as appropiate and desirible but that this was probably the only way, in a modurn society and up to date, mainstream, calculated provider of medical assistance to those in need of medical assistance from a state of the art facility as our own, and, if, yes, I do believe so, it was to the best of my knoweledge at this point when the customer, in question, to which I am refering pulled from inside his jacket, a rather nice jacket I might add, a large, long, heavy looking, black metal bar, with which he proceded to repeadily drive teh afore mentioned item into my head, and screamed, in what I thought a most abnoxious maner "Do you ever stop talking, can't you listen are you some kind of dead guy", but, before the customer had given me to add a reply to his most dredfully threatening behaviour, he seemed to suffer some kind of seissure, and before I could ring and ask for asistance to deal with the situeation the horrible truth failed me that we had broken our previous record and managed to rid ourselves of three patients sorry, i mean customer's in a single day, and, all the time I could not, by any stretch of teh imagination understand his threatening maner, as I'm sure you realise, i have had extensive, and in depth training in teh art of listening, and as I'm sure you will appreciate there is absolutly no evidence to support, this, quite clearly insaine customer's ramblings.

It didn't work. Never has, never will.

Oh, you meant that grassy knoll.

well it was lubricated when i sold it to you

Well you see in *this* country you drive on the wrong side of the road!

[Unsuitable President removed by assassination]

It was removed because I spelt *moderator* with a *k*.

I was only marking my place.

I dropped it in my <!>

It wasn't your ale<!> (BTW: I had two posts from here moderated, a few days ago; just now in my inbox were two emails saying that the "in house moderates", had decided, quite rightly that I had broken no rules, and that the posts had been reinstated, very weird do you not think...).

Well, there used to be a set of stairs there.