h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I have suffered from mood disorders (anxiety and depression) for at least 13 years. It has been an ongoing process, the individual episodes triggered by life events – often exam periods, changing jobs, having children, but can also pop out of the blue (sometimes I’ve no idea what’s caused it, it’s just there).

It’s been a frustrating time for me. I studied for a professional job at university, but despite having passed the exams, could not cope with the realities of working in the field. This was probably compounded by the stresses of becoming a mother soon after leaving university, but it seemed I had to make a choice between being sane enough to cope with my children, and coping with my career. So, in the end, the career had to go.

When I am depressed, I lose a lot of weight because I don’t want to eat (or sometimes, I gain weight), I see everything as one big disaster. If there’s a really obscure way that something might go disasterously wrong, I’ll be certain that that’s what will happen. I loathe myself. Every tiny mean thought or action will convince me that I am a terrible terrible person. I cannot see the good things in myself, only this horrid part of me. And it’s very very hard to believe people when they tell me otherwise. I have contemplated suicide, sometimes fairly persistently. But I’ve never attempted it.

Through reading about cognitive theory, and my own personal experience, I’ve come to realise that it’s not only what happens in your life causes you to feel the way you do, but the meaning you assign to it. Some things of course, are just awful things to happen (Eg getting a fatal or a disabling disease; a family member dying), but there are others that can be interpreted both ways. For example (I’ve used this one on another forum):

Two people wake up after a difficult day the day before.

Person 1 thinks: Oh no, what a dreadful day, how can I cope after such an awful day yesterday? I don’t think I can do this.

Person 2 thinks: Well, yesterday was pretty awful, but today is another day, and maybe I’ll get a chance to set things right!

Same circumstance, different mindset leading to different emotions.

And cognitive theory talks about how to listen to what your ‘inner commentary’ on life is, and start to work on changing it, challenging your negative perceptions, and replacing them with equally valid positive ones. I’ve had antidepressants prescribed for me, and despite the fact that nearly everybody is supposed to respond to them, my depression seems to be fairly resistant to it. Cognitive therapy appears to help.

If you’re not the depressed person, but just want to help, here’s some thoughts on it:

Don’t tell me how I ‘ought’ to feel: I feel how I feel. Telling me how I ought to feel serves no purpose except to make me feel guilty that I don’t. And when I feel depressed, I don’t need MORE guilt.

Don’t tell me you know how I feel unless you really do. Because while this doesn’t offend ME, I know it’s very offensive to a lot of other sufferers. You probably don’t know how I feel. Don’t worry that you don’t. Knowing how someone feels isn’t necessary to helping them be happy.

Don’t feel that if the person that you’re trying to cheer up isn’t responding that it’s because of you. It’s not. The only way a depressed person can cheer up is by changing themselves. But conversely, don’t expect them to just cheer up at the drop of a hat. Depression is extremely complex. Saying ‘cheer up’ won’t cheer them up. If they are a person cognitive therapy works for, it is a long, complicated process to change their thoughts. IT IS NOT EASY.

Listen. Don’t judge what the other person is saying. You may not agree with them; but what they’re feeling is what they feel. Sometimes just being able to talk helps, I personally find that talking helps me organise my thoughts. The other person can sometimes direct my thoughts and advise me (IF they’re qualified to do so and I trust them and their judgement) but I need to air them, no matter how ridiculous they might sound at times.

Be there: just the fact you are prepared to support the other person is encouraging. Let them say as much as they’re comfortable saying. Don’t push them. Trust is not always easy to foster, especially when you feel so ashamed of yourself – you don’t always WANT to expose what you see as so horrible to the scrutiny of others.

Don’t treat them like there’s something wrong with THEM. So many times I’ve been treated like it’s a fault in my character that I’m depressed. I don’t need that. Nobody does. And consider; this is on TOP of the fact that they already feel inadequate. I’ve often been in the position that I’ve felt GUILTY ABOUT BEING DEPRESSED. It’s a horrid, vicious circle.

It’s always nice to have someone gratuitously point out your good points, tell you it’s not your fault, and help you challenge your negative perceptions (in an understanding and supportive way) but even if you don’t know what to say, you can still help. Just be honest and supportive, and say what’s in your heart. Something like ‘I care about you. I don’t understand what you’re going through, but I can see that you’re hurting. I don’t know the right words to say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I’m here for you, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can use mine’ (PS this line does NOT work if crying makes you uncomfortable – in that case, you should probably just tell them you’re sorry that they feel so bad and that you care)

OK, I've no idea what is with all the symbols in my posting. This is not the first time that has occured. Help?

Sorry about the spam too. I just have a lot to say on the subject

to SMoB for being so incredibly brave as to post all of that and be so vulnerable. I'm sure that your honesty will help folks here, as will the incredibly usefull pointers you give.

I know also, I've found a distinction between what psychologist types call external and internal locus of control. ie whether you attribute things that happen to you to something external - I did badly on the exam because it was a difficult paper, that person frowned because they were in a bad mood anyway, etc etc - or something internal - I did badly on the exam because I didn't study enough and I'm bad; that person frowned at me because they're angry at me and I've done something wrong...

It seems like people who get depressed, me included, are too quick to assume that anything that happens is because "I'm bad". And getting out of that is one of the hardest things I know, but one of the key things to getting some self esteem and beating this illness.

More to anyone who's depressed and needs them.

back to Inanna I agree; it is easy to attribute everything to your own faults.

If anyone wants to read what I said in a more legible format, or if any of it gets used for the entry, and you would like me to write it out. I can email it, or if somebody tells me what went wrong (I confess, I have no idea) I can post it again. I have a copy.

I've been feeling really depressed lately. I've no idea what causes it, I just sometimes come down really hard on myself for things I say or do. I know deep down that I'm being stupid about it, and that really I'm quite a good person - I'm successful and should be happy. But that doesn't seem to help. I somehow feel that I should have higher standards than everyone else.

It's not a constant thing, it comes and goes. But lately it's been happening a lot more frequently, and I'm starting to get really worried. Even yesterday when I was in the car with my girlfriend, I started thinking about throwing myself out the door. I was *really* scared, for no apparent reason.

The only things that seem to help me are to read a book - a good one, that I can lose myself in - or to just cry with my girlfriend there to comfort me.

I'm sorry you feel bad, Rob I know exactly the feeling that you describe about having to have higher standards than everybody else -- I do that to myself all the time. It's also hard when you feel you're 'being stupid': just another reason to feel bad about yourself, isn't it?

I've also had urges to do myself in. They scared the hell out of me. I know you must hurt awfully to be feeling like that. I'm glad you overcame it, and are still here to write to us.

It's good to have something (like reading a book) that helps you cope, and gives you an interest; I know for me it also helps me get away from the awful feelings for a while, and I've needed that (I know I shouldn't try and escape entirely, but sometimes it's been a good stop-gap). You are very lucky to have a girlfriend there to support you. It's wonderful that she is strong enough and supportive enough to help you through it.

Please feel welcome to drop by my space if you're comfortable doing so, if you'd just like an extra set of ears, a or seven, or if there's anything else I can do to help, and I urge you to go see someone -- a doctor, or a counsellor who you trust or can learn to trust, who knows how to help you (your GP will be able to point you in the right direction). You are not being stupid at all. There are many people here who feel the way you do; stupid doesn't enter into it. You feel how you feel. Hopefully this talking point will give you some ideas about how to deal with your troubles. It's a miserable time, and it's scary, but it doesn't have to be lonely. At the very least, I've got a waterproof shoulder, and you're welcome to it.

There are also phone counselling services in many areas. The first that comes to mind is Lifeline. Lifeline Western Australia has a website at [URL Removed by moderator] and their number is [Address removed by moderator]

You will also be able to find counselling services in the yellow pages, and your university may well have a counsellor. There is some information to this effect at [URL Removed by moderator]

Take care.

I know I was spammy the first time I posted this, but since I've now worked out where I went wrong, I thought I'd post it more legibly here. This is just a repeat of posting 1 on this thread:

I have suffered from mood disorders (anxiety and depression) for at least 13 years. It has been an ongoing process, the individual episodes triggered by life events: often exam periods, changing jobs, having children, but can also pop out of the blue (sometimes I've no idea what's caused it, it's just there).

It's been a frustrating time for me. I studied for a professional job at university, but despite having passed the exams, could not cope with the realities of working in the field. This was probably compounded by the stresses of becoming a mother soon after leaving university, but it seemed I had to make a choice between being sane enough to cope with my children, and coping with my career. So, in the end, the career had to go.

When I am depressed, I lose a lot of weight because I don't want to eat (or sometimes, I gain weight), I see everything as one big disaster. If there's a really obscure way that something might go disasterously wrong, I'll be certain that that's what will happen. I loathe myself. Every tiny mean thought or action will convince me that I am a terrible terrible person. I cannot see the good things in myself, only this horrid part of me. And it's very very hard to believe people when they tell me otherwise. I have contemplated suicide, sometimes fairly persistently. But I've never attempted it.

Through reading about cognitive theory, and my own personal experience, I've come to realise that it's not only what happens in your life causes you to feel the way you do, but the meaning you assign to it. Some things of course, are just awful things to happen (Eg getting a fatal or a disabling disease; a family member dying), but there are others that can be interpreted both ways. For example (I've used this one on another forum):

Two people wake up after a difficult day the day before.

Person 1 thinks: Oh no, what a dreadful day, how can I cope after such an awful day yesterday? I don't think I can do this.

Person 2 thinks: Well, yesterday was pretty awful, but today is another day, and maybe I'll get a chance to set things right!

Same circumstance, different mindset leading to different emotions.

And cognitive theory talks about how to listen to what your 'inner commentary' on life is, and start to work on changing it, challenging your negative perceptions, and replacing them with equally valid positive ones. I've had antidepressants prescribed for me, and despite the fact that nearly everybody is supposed to respond to them, my depression seems to be fairly resistant to it. Cognitive therapy appears to help.

If you're not the depressed person, but just want to help, here's some thoughts on it:

Don't tell me how I /ought/ to feel: I feel how I feel. Telling me how I ought to feel serves no purpose except to make me feel guilty that I don't. And when I feel depressed, I don't need MORE guilt.

Don't tell me you know how I feel unless you really do. Because while this doesn't offend ME, I know it's very offensive to a lot of other sufferers. You probably don't know how I feel. Don't worry that you don't. Knowing how someone feels isn't necessary to helping them be happy.

Don't feel that if the person that you're trying to cheer up isn't responding that it's because of you. It's not. The only way a depressed person can cheer up is by changing themselves. But conversely, don't expect them to just cheer up at the drop of a hat. Depression is extremely complex. Saying 'cheer up' won't cheer them up. If they are a person cognitive therapy works for, it is a long, complicated process to change their thoughts. IT IS NOT EASY.

Listen. Don't judge what the other person is saying. You may not agree with them; but what they're feeling is what they feel. Sometimes just being able to talk helps, I personally find that talking helps me organise my thoughts. The other person can sometimes direct my thoughts and advise me (IF they're qualified to do so and I trust them and their judgement) but I need to air them, no matter how ridiculous they might sound at times.

Be there: just the fact you are prepared to support the other person is encouraging. Let them say as much as they're comfortable saying. Don't push them. Trust is not always easy to foster, especially when you feel so ashamed of yourself: you don't always WANT to expose what you see as so horrible to the scrutiny of others.

Don't treat them like there's something wrong with THEM. So many times I've been treated like it's a fault in my character that I'm depressed. I don't need that. Nobody does. And consider; this is on TOP of the fact that they already feel inadequate. I've often been in the position that I've felt GUILTY ABOUT BEING DEPRESSED. It's a horrid, vicious circle.

It's always nice to have someone gratuitously point out your good points, tell you it's not your fault, and help you challenge your negative perceptions (in an understanding and supportive way) but even if you don't know what to say, you can still help. Just be honest and supportive, and say what's in your heart. Something like: 'I care about you. I don't understand what you're going through, but I can see that you're hurting. I don't know the right words to say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can use mine'(PS this line does NOT work if crying makes you uncomfortable; in that case, you should probably just tell them you're sorry that they feel so bad and that you care)

I know I was spammy the first time I posted this, but since I've now worked out where I went wrong, I thought I'd post it more legibly here. This is just a repeat of posting 1 on this thread:

I have suffered from mood disorders (anxiety and depression) for at least 13 years. It has been an ongoing process, the individual episodes triggered by life events: often exam periods, changing jobs, having children, but can also pop out of the blue (sometimes I've no idea what's caused it, it's just there).

It's been a frustrating time for me. I studied for a professional job at university, but despite having passed the exams, could not cope with the realities of working in the field. This was probably compounded by the stresses of becoming a mother soon after leaving university, but it seemed I had to make a choice between being sane enough to cope with my children, and coping with my career. So, in the end, the career had to go.

When I am depressed, I lose a lot of weight because I don't want to eat (or sometimes, I gain weight), I see everything as one big disaster. If there's a really obscure way that something might go disasterously wrong, I'll be certain that that's what will happen. I loathe myself. Every tiny mean thought or action will convince me that I am a terrible terrible person. I cannot see the good things in myself, only this horrid part of me. And it's very very hard to believe people when they tell me otherwise. I have contemplated suicide, sometimes fairly persistently. But I've never attempted it.

Through reading about cognitive theory, and my own personal experience, I've come to realise that it's not only what happens in your life causes you to feel the way you do, but the meaning you assign to it. Some things of course, are just awful things to happen (Eg getting a fatal or a disabling disease; a family member dying), but there are others that can be interpreted both ways. For example (I've used this one on another forum):

Two people wake up after a difficult day the day before.

Person 1 thinks: Oh no, what a dreadful day, how can I cope after such an awful day yesterday? I don't think I can do this.

Person 2 thinks: Well, yesterday was pretty awful, but today is another day, and maybe I'll get a chance to set things right!

Same circumstance, different mindset leading to different emotions.

And cognitive theory talks about how to listen to what your 'inner commentary' on life is, and start to work on changing it, challenging your negative perceptions, and replacing them with equally valid positive ones. I've had antidepressants prescribed for me, and despite the fact that nearly everybody is supposed to respond to them, my depression seems to be fairly resistant to it. Cognitive therapy appears to help.

If you're not the depressed person, but just want to help, here's some thoughts on it:

Don't tell me how I /ought/ to feel: I feel how I feel. Telling me how I ought to feel serves no purpose except to make me feel guilty that I don't. And when I feel depressed, I don't need MORE guilt.

Don't tell me you know how I feel unless you really do. Because while this doesn't offend ME, I know it's very offensive to a lot of other sufferers. You probably don't know how I feel. Don't worry that you don't. Knowing how someone feels isn't necessary to helping them be happy.

Don't feel that if the person that you're trying to cheer up isn't responding that it's because of you. It's not. The only way a depressed person can cheer up is by changing themselves. But conversely, don't expect them to just cheer up at the drop of a hat. Depression is extremely complex. Saying 'cheer up' won't cheer them up. If they are a person cognitive therapy works for, it is a long, complicated process to change their thoughts. IT IS NOT EASY.

Listen. Don't judge what the other person is saying. You may not agree with them; but what they're feeling is what they feel. Sometimes just being able to talk helps, I personally find that talking helps me organise my thoughts. The other person can sometimes direct my thoughts and advise me (IF they're qualified to do so and I trust them and their judgement) but I need to air them, no matter how ridiculous they might sound at times.

Be there: just the fact you are prepared to support the other person is encouraging. Let them say as much as they're comfortable saying. Don't push them. Trust is not always easy to foster, especially when you feel so ashamed of yourself: you don't always WANT to expose what you see as so horrible to the scrutiny of others.

Don't treat them like there's something wrong with THEM. So many times I've been treated like it's a fault in my character that I'm depressed. I don't need that. Nobody does. And consider; this is on TOP of the fact that they already feel inadequate. I've often been in the position that I've felt GUILTY ABOUT BEING DEPRESSED. It's a horrid, vicious circle.

It's always nice to have someone gratuitously point out your good points, tell you it's not your fault, and help you challenge your negative perceptions (in an understanding and supportive way) but even if you don't know what to say, you can still help. Just be honest and supportive, and say what's in your heart. Something like: 'I care about you. I don't understand what you're going through, but I can see that you're hurting. I don't know the right words to say to make you feel better, but I want you to know that I'm here for you, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, you can use mine'(PS this line does NOT work if crying makes you uncomfortable; in that case, you should probably just tell them you're sorry that they feel so bad and that you care)

Brave people!

The cliche I wish to add here is that the first step in dealing with anything is realizing the need for it.

I have no doubt that you will work this out, Rob. You are certainly brave enough to face yourself.

However, through recent therapy I recently realized the beneifts it can have, and very easily does have. You know why? One of the arguments that kept me from going was 'How can someone like that possibly tell me some thing I don't already know? A total stranger?Nah...'

Well it's not that these people are omniscient or that they can see right through you, certainly not. It's that they are professional listeners, and they hear loops in your train of thought that keep you going round and round without answers, and they point your attention to them.

Changing the way you look at yourself is very hard, but it's really impossible if you don't know how it is you view yourself to begin with. And analysing your image of yourself by yourself is very hard, because you know no alternative since your birth, yourself. So having someone hold up that mirror to you is very refreshing and clarifying, believe you me.

Hang strong! Prez

I'm a depressive. I take Prozac.

On the face of it, I have not much reason to be depressed: I have a beautiful daughter, loving partner, good job, enough money to live on etc. But life can seem empty and meaningless often. I some idea why I've been made this way. My joyless childhood didn't help. I know I was a depressive in my early teens. I think it's important to realise that depression is not just an adult illness. Children get it too, and are much less able to recognize it for what it is, let alone cope with it.

The most important gift anyone can offer a depressive is love. And an uncritical love at that too. Telling a person with the blues to 'cheer up' sends a message that somehow their current state of mind makes them unacceptable as a person. Love them for who they are, happy or sad. You may well be stuck with them.

FM

Well said. Love is the answer, as a great man once said. Unconditionally. My own depression stems from many things, most recently it has been from the break up of my very long term partner from me a year ago. Before that it was because of my alcohol problems, and many times I have been depressed because of unemployment. Happily at the moment, I have a great job, and a nice place to live and a dog who loves me unconditionally. It's not much but it gets me through.
Many people just get depressed naturally for no reason, don't treat them as attention seekers, they do have a genuine problem , although there appears to be no reason for it on the face of things. It can be triggered by the smallest things (or the biggest, such as Christmas). It can lead to some really stupid things, I myself have been hooked on every available illegal drug you can think of, and have had to deal with alcoholism more times than I care to remember. Somehow I always pull through in the end by having a posistive attitude and forcing myself through it. Not everyone can have the strength of character it takes to cope with this on their own though, so never be afraid to find somebody to talk to about it.
The great thing about the Internet is that you can always find a complete stranger to talk to about it (especially the good people here on h2g2) which is often easier than talking to a friend or loved one. It may not be actual human contact, but you still get the same catharsis when you've got it all off your chest.

You can still get flamed by a*****es (do they need to bend over and hold a match in a certain place to communicate with others, I wonder?), and there are a number of those on h2g2 as well .
I have never had a drugs problem, mercifully, and have had a distant relationship with drink over recent years. I get the world's worst hangovers, you see. So I count myself lucky there.

My depressive nature is part of my personality, without a doubt. When most people talk about depression they talk about a feeling of malaise. They don't seem to realise that one ends up waking up at three in the morning, unable to sleep, watching the dawn come up with the realisation that one will probably feel better throughout the day, but not by much. I'm inclined to regard it purely as an illness now, take the pills, and wait for things to get better. It's been two months since I've been diagnosed, and I'm still waiting.

I suppose you could say I've been depressed ever since I got dumped by my girlfriend, who was also my best friend for 6 years. I can remember a time before when I enjoyed life, and loved hanging out with my friends and such; nowadays hanging out with them isn't as much fun as it is filling in a void....It's like when a person is addicted to painkillers, when the drugs don't make you feel good anymore; rather, you need them to feel normal.

And since that person was my best friend and confidant, I find myself with no one with whom I feel comfortable talking about my feelings with. I'm not the sort of person to pour my heard out to a complete stranger, and my depression isn't really so bad that I want to see a professional.

I'd just like to say that I agree with everything SMoB said in the original posting, except the therapy I've had a lot of help from is Art Therapy, because it allows me to access "buried" feelings which I sometimes avoid by talking (I can talk my way round anything but it can lead me to intellectualise my feelings not work through them). I've been diagnosed with bipolar affective disorder and have had a couple of hospital admissions (the first was a horrendous experience - very uncaring staff) but by a combination of art therapy and constant vigilance by myself and those around me I am learning to cope with the problem and also to forgive myself. I am still struggling to find a place for myself in "society" - I'm very wary of returning to work since the last time I did I ended up in hospital again. But I am in the final year of a full time college course in Music Technology which has been very rewarding if sometimes extremely difficult to cope with at times, and I feel that if I am going to be able to work again, the music world may be the place to start, as being creative helps me a lot.
The other thing I have found important is having a group of friends around me that can be supportive without getting so involved that their mood is affected adversely, and who know this support will be reciprocated. This I have been fortunate to find at college and in the musician friends I have outside college, amongst whom mental illness of varying degrees seems to be quite common.
I am hoping to be able to find the same kind of situation here on H2G2, so I would like to say, please feel free to lean on me - we can all prop each other up. It helps.

Candi: although I've personally never been diagnosed as suffering from anything more specific than just general 'depression' and insomnia, I must say that I can relate to an awful lot of what you've posted. I don't mind working reasonably hard - I do a lot on h2g2, and write regularly for three other outlets of various kinds - but I'm terrified of going back into full-time employment because the last job of that kind I had drove me to a nervous breakdown. But of course, not being in regular work means that I'm broke all the time - and that's depressing.

I get my creative release through writing, but I have a hell of a lot of trouble summoning up the confidence and the concentration necessary to do it. When I have some work to do, I usually procrastinate until the last possible moment before getting on with it. I get a lot of praise and encouragement for my writing, but I tend to think either 'They're just being kind, I'm useless really', or 'So what if I am quite good with words? It doesn't really change anything.'

Anyway, I'm grateful to h2g2 for reviving this Talking Point. Reading that checklist of depression symptoms made me realise that I could tick 'em all right now. I have just finished a full-time training course which was irksome in many ways, but did at least provide me with good company and something to do. Now, I'm back to trying to motivate myself again, and I'm just not very good at it.

Fortunately, my doctor is very good and understanding about this kind of thing. I haven't been to see her in months, but I think that now would be a good time to pay that a visit.

Hi Ormy.

Yes, definitely see the . Hopefully, if she's any good at her job she'll help you. GPs aren't always very well equipped to deal with mental illness. The first one I saw when I had my first "breakdown" said "Pull yourself together"! Of course that set me off crying; then the next thing I knew she went into panic mode and arranged a psychiatrist to come and see me at home! So at least she did the right thing in the end, but for a minute there I really felt as if my one lifeline had slipped away.
I must admit to having felt pretty down in the last few weeks, but nothing too serious. Being dropped from the band I was in after doing only one gig with them didn't help. My confidence plummetted. I'm just working hard on getting it back now, because I know really it's not that big a deal.

This is one talking point I can relate to fully. Smob your comments are good. I was diagnosed with depression 18 months after my son was born, in that time I had had all the symtoms on the list and some really bad mood swings aswell, I wasn't aggressive, just down right moody at times, I never noticed the difference in me, but people around me did and told me, it ruined my career and was probably part of the cause for my marriage break up, thankfully though by the time that happened I was already seeing a councellor, otherwise I don't think I would have been around to bring my son up, the councellor made me see things in a totally different way, it's like Prez said it's like seeing yourself in a mirror. I think the worst part was admitting there was something wrong and then facing up to it, I still find 6 years on that I have periods where I feel really low and cry at the smallest problem but at least now I know how to handle it. If anyone ever feels like doing away with themselves then I urge them to seek help from the doctor, it really does help, but if you can't face doing that then confide in a friend you can trust, lifes too special to do anything silly and when you've worked out how to handle your depression you will start enjoying life again.

My is actually very good in that way. Once, when I went to her just complaining of insomnia, she twigged that there was something a bit deeper going on. and asked how I was REALLY feeling. At that point, I didn't really want any treatment for depression beyond some ing pills, but I'm a bit more open to suggestions now.

Do you find that you constantly build up problems that are really fairly minor into huge s? I'm not talking about your disappointment over the band - that must have been hurtful. But I find that little things get me down far too easily.

At the moment, I'm really fed up because my course has finished, and the local council have decided to mark the occasion by cutting off my housing benefit and making me re-apply. That's bound to mean lots of tedious bureaucracy to deal with over the coming weeks, an anxious wait for the money to come through, and awkward exchanges with my landlord whilke the wait goes on.

But I'm not in any real danger of losing my home - my family will bail me out if all else fails. Even so, the situation's getting me down. Meanwhile, on the course I've just finished, there was a guy who was a single parent with multiple sclerosis - and he seemed pretty cheerful! Why do I let these trivial things get on top of me so much?

I do the very same thing. Getting things out of proportion. I set such high standards for myself its ridiculous, then when I can't maintain them I either get really anxious to the point of agitation or just get really lethargic and feel absolutely despondent. Something like the Housing benefit thing would really panic me and I would immediately fear the worst even if I knew it could never get that bad.