h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Affy watches as the lights and equipment in the store all turn on for the first time. He goes over to the door, and turns around the sign, so that anyone outside will see it being open. Not that many people just walk around the Crater sightseeing, but you never know. Anyway, he walks over to the cashier-bot, gives it a high five, and goes back to the toy production room until someone notices the new toy store*

Hey, when are you getting in the Tower thing? I might need one for the office!

What, the Leaning Tower of Pisa? We're still working out some bugs in that. Let me show you.

*Affy pulls out a two boards with several buttons on the edges, each about a meter in diameter. Resting on one is a 3-D model of the House of Usher, and on the other is a 3-D model of the Leaning Tower of Pisa. Affy points at the start buttons*

These buttons make the illusions of the monuments crumbling, thanks to some extremely advanced holographic technology. If you'll examine this chip,...

*Shows a microchip in the shape of a puzzle peice with a holographic image on it*

..., you'll see how it works. When you correctly assemble the monument on the playing board, all you do is push the play button, and the holographic image shows the monument crumbling or sinking or something. The House Of Usher was easy to make because, if you reda "Fall of the House of Usher" by Edgar Allen Poe, the building that the Usher family lived in almost literally falls. Actually, it's more like it sinks. Just watch.

*Affy pushes the 'play' button on the "Usher" puzzle, and it shows the holographic image of the building sinking into a swamp. Now Affy motions towards the Leaning Tower of Pisa*

You see, we're having a little trouble of this because we want it to be realistic. If you look at the actual tower, most experts say that it should've toppled years ago. So, of course, the only logical way to show it crumbling is to have it lean too much to the side and topple. However, we don't have enough room on the holographic board. The hologram would actually have to fall roughly three inches away from the end of the board.

We're working on larger boards, but they won't be ready for a while, sorry. I can put you on reserve for a 4-D Tower as soon as we get all of the bugs worked out, if you like. I'll just need some identification. I believe your STUMPED Membership card will suffice.

Sure, I'd really like one



I think I'll keep browsing if you don't mind.

Sure, go ahead. But don't insult the toys, some of them are sentient. Also, be careful not to brush against anything too hard. You're a known criminal, after all, and Chesworth is monitoring the whole place pretty carefully. But other than that, enjoy yourself.

*Affy returns to the back rooms*

*GL comes out from the back room and looks around the store. He calls back into the back room:*

I think there is some room over beside the PAG display and they would go well there.

*Walks back into the back room, where he can still be faintly heard:*

We should be getting the coupons from the printers soon. Then we can put up the poster advertising the UFO rides, too.

*continues browsing and starts up a conversation with the Calc-u-Gater about the taste of paper and wether or not ketchup makes it better*

*Runs through the complex, cheering*

Just got a call from Santa. He's got a surplus of goods this year, and wants to know if he can drop some off here. We'll have regular toys along with our stuff now!

Can I meet him? Even some bad guys like Santa!!!!

How's that tower coming?

yep I'll just continue talking to the wall, don't mind me..... ...............yep................. HELLO!!!!

Well, if you're not going to have fun playing hide and seek, then I guess I'll come out now. The tower's ready.

*GL enters from the back room, pulling a skid stacked with boxes. He wheels the skid over to a vacant spot on the floor and begins setting up a display. He props up a sign that reads: NEW - BBC TOYS*

We just got these in. Here, look at this. It's a bumper sticker that says: "I " and has a picture of that new rat button that is at the lower left of all of the posts. In small print, it says "NOT". And here is a dart board with that icon in the centre.

And have a look at this. It's a new BBC Internet computer. Just a sec and I'll turn it on. *click*. There. See, it automatically comes up showing the BBC site. You can go anywhere on the BBC site, but you can't link to anywhere else on the internet and it doesn't display any pictures other than those on the BBC site. But you can be sure that you won't be offended. Great for the kids.

Oh, and what's this? Oh yes, I had forgotten about these. They're voodoo dolls wearing T-shirts that say "Moderator" on them. They come with a free pack of pins. Great for when you have one of your posts removed.

You know, I think these might be hot sellers, Affy. You should add them to the main page, then we can advertise them in our names. I'll add "(buy Moderator voodoo doll at A??????)" to my name.

*scampers in through door goes under table, red eyes glow indignant*

Stop calling button after rats! Food Lady calling it Linda button now.
*pulling on whiskers*
Rathome committee thinking about what to do.

Sorry Styx - no offense intended. It's just that maybe everyone wouldn't understand if I called it the Linda button here (although I DO prefer that name). I wonder how wide-spread that name is becoming.

And in rereading my post, I notice that I said it was on the lower left, whereas it is really on the lower right.

So ... anything strike your fancy here?

How bout a ten pack of those dolls, the tower, and the calc-u-gator, he's really great to talk to! I think I'll set one of those dolls on fire now! Well, as soon as I pay for it..

Yo! If I could somehow get your email address, I could email you one of the dolls (quite amusing, actually). Um, you could email me your address, if I'm allowed to give you mine here. It's [email protected]. That's my free account, so I'm not too concerned who knows it (i.e. you can leave it there, Moderator ). If this doesn't work, we'll have to find some other way. I suppose I could just virtually hand you your 10-pack here, but that wouldn't be nearly as fun.

ok, gotcha, check your mail, I just sent you my main address and a secondary if the first doesn't work (there are 2 underscores in both addresses)

*Affy looks at the voodoo dolls, a bit uncertain*

Well, they *would* be some pretty hot sellers,...although,...I don't know. I've got the same feelings about voodoo dolls as I have about pentagrams. Too close to dark magic for my comfort.

Still, as long as no magic is involved IRL, and as long as we don't get a string of reports about moderators actually getting hurt IRL, it probably won't be too much of a problem.

BTW, do we still have any of those old LEGOs in the back, GL? WM want to know if we can supply some for the 24-7. Oh, and I mean the LEGOs that come in the tubs, not the boxes or bags.

Yes, or if you have any you need a truck for, we can build that at the Blockheads-page. Drop by at http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A511985. But don´t be shocked. I have not yet started reconstruction of the site. And now I´ve lost my loginname