h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Opts for a somewhat fetching outfit and sharpens her fangs*

*makes sure all his bandages are securely wrapped, then gets some gray facepaint and coats his face with it, before sticking bits of hay and wheat around his mouth*

Ahem . . . GRAAAAAAAAAINS!

Yup, I'm in fine voice for my vegetarian zombie impersonation!

Good one, Zeek!!

I guess I'm just going to wear my cowgirl outfit.

So you'll be wanting an udder but no horns to go with that then Mari?

nice udders

That would be udderly fantastic.

*Puts the udder over her head. Takes it off. Pokes eyeholes through the ends of the protruding bits. Puts it on again.*

*Her voice comes through as muffled ..*

...let's party...

*Quietly resolves not to volunteer to be the back end of Mari's cow, glues her teeth into position and pulls on her cape with flourish*

Let's fly!

*Hesitates*

Err...Which way is out?

*blows a hole in the side of the *

That way, I think!

That's one way (out) I suppose.

There's a broom in the corner that you can use to clean up the mess when we get back. Plus, we'd better locate a puncture repair kit whilst we're out too...

*Squeezes through the hole and pulls Mari through who is still struggling with her udder head gear*

*snatches the brrom and follows the (other) girls *

Hasn't anyone advised you to ride side saddle on a broom!

i figured that out by myself a long time ago, girl

So why didn't you ride side saddle then? Are you some sort of pervy sadist? You temporarily blinded me! Just look at what you made me do!

*Holds up her broom to display its buckled handle*

I flew into that big flashing bar sign, which is now spluttering and blinking instead and the owner doesn't look too pleased with me either. He's jumping up and down and shaking his fists (or is it his feet?) at me.

it's all in the wrist

*sticks barrel of plasma lance under barkeep's chin*

You want to be real nice to the lady over there. *nods to Gwennie* Otherwise, I'll be forced to do something unpleasant. Like eating your graaaaaains - which would have quite an adverse effect on your ability to operate this fine establishment.

Capiche?

*barkeep goes all white and nods nervously*

Good man.

*looks over his shoulder*

Everything's all settled now. Shall we have ourselves a nice or two?

..

I'll need a long straw.

*By falling out of the hole in the side of the spaceship, and landing on the barperson, Kes slows down the service*

Sorry about that ... but I'll serve the drinks until he comes round.

















There!

That'll do for me. What are you lot drinking?

*catches the alien barkeeps attention by hitting him over his antennas with his broomstick*

wha'smatter? never seen a cross-dressing pirate before?

show us the way to the biggest carnival parade on the double. and tell us where the paraders spend their leisure time after parading

*aside to his/her fellow BFG's: it's my experience that carnival paraders spend quite a lot of valuables on drinking, eating and having fun after parading and i suggest we check out where these valuables are hidden so we might fremantle them *

Sounds like a good plan. Only I can't see through this udder very well. You'll have to point me at the valuables.

*Walks toward the bar with her hands in front of her, the udder on her head nodding its teats with every step. Knocks over one of Kes's s.*

Oops!

how come you are so udderly clumsy all of a sudden?