h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Has the feeling that the gang are emerging out of a very large toilet bowl in what could be a ladies bathroom and starts to worry that someone somewhere might decide to flush a toilet*

Never mind the alien language lessons Kes! Can you see Mari or not?

No - The hatch opens into a corridor with a few doors ... One of them must be the Ladies' loo, but I can't read the script ... and the pictures on the doors ... well, you know Deimosian anatomy! The pictures are no help at all! Maybe I'll just try the nearest door ....

*Opens door, from which a loud scream emerges. Closes door.*

Right! Now I know two things ... mari isn't in that room .... and I now know the sign for "Ladies" in Deimosian!

*Walks down corridor to next door with same sign*

Better luck this time? Are you there mari?

*Opens door*

*Sadly for Kes Demosians have hermaphrodites as their third sex... so what happens when the door opens is that he finds a huge hunk of something which appears to be male, but is definitely using the facilities 'ladies' style*

Oops!!!

We didn't see that eventuality did we Kes!
It's lucky it had its undergarments around its ankles!

*Continues down the corridor calling Mari-rae's name quietly*

shazz

*still wandering around in the giant dome - decides that he'll never wear a gas mask again*

*sniff, sniff, sniff"

I don't smell mari-rae. She has a peculiar odor. Unmistakable......I won't tell you wat the fragrance is though, ("fragrance" is being quite generous).......

*alicat stumbles in, desperately in need of a drink.* Hello dear friends.

*Still opening loo doors ... Behind one, Kes finds a very unconscious Deimosian guard*
Hey guys! I see mari's handiwork ... she's not far away.
*Tries the scanner again, which indicates a signal from very close by. On to the next door ....*

Alicat! How wonderful to see you again!

Be careful Kes! It may be a trap...

*As Kes turns the handle, an explosion from within blasts the door off its hinges. Kes ends up on the far side of the corridor, underneath a burning door, dazed. He makes a mental note to avoid the local curry special before pushing the panic button on his radio, and passing out ....*

Kes!:-0

Oh [gratuitous swearwords would be deleted by Moderator ]

Umm... medic?

Ali... wonderful to see you!Umm... you haven't learnt any first aid in your time away?

Oh my, oh my!

Pierce doped up on gas, Kes knocked out by explosions, Mari-rae still missing!
It is such good luck that Ali has arrived again to give us a hand or two... we certainly need it atm!

shazz

*Having found the key in the guard's pocket, mari is now handcuff free and wandering around in a dazed, but rather happy fog of greenie orangie gasses. She has a long conversation with a potted plant and falls desparatly in love with parrot. Eventually the parrot flies off and she slumps to the floor to ponder upon the 42 bullets left in her machine pistol...*

Right! I think this situation calls for some "girl power" Shazz! What thinkest thou?

*Rolls up her sleeves and hoists the smouldering door off the prone Kes and pours a conveniently located bucket of water in his face*

Wakey! Wakey!

Shazz?

*Turns to find Shazz peering through the ex-doorway at a figure slumped in a corner and apparently totally absorbed in counting a small pile of bullets*

Pffft! Ptui! I had a wash last week! I ...

Oh! *remembers* Right! Thank you. Have you found mari yet?

Yeah!!!
Her she is... mumbling about 42 and swearing that she loves a ... or did she say ?

How come this place has so many toilets?

shazz

ps... why is there no smiley?!!!

*The appears. It is obvious that he is not on dope anymore - but its is even more obvious that he is badly *

A parrot-smiley? Be careful what you wish for. My parrot only smiles when he sees the chance off chewing off a finger or two...

Now that Kes seems to be okay, what shall we do with mari-rae? Should we try to carry her back to the APC?

16, um 17, this one looks the same as 15, uh... ~sniff~ he flew the coop on me... 15, 16, 17, 18, hmmm... This one is dirty.. oh dear. *Very carefully sets dirty bullet to the side.*

Ok, 1, 2, 3, 4, ...

oh dear!!!

Mari-Rae is definitely in some difficulty! What should we do to correct this problem eh people?

shazz

We could offer her a bright orange carrot, and hope she doesn't notice the typing error .....