h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Steps on the brake, opens door and throws numerous of his famous beer cocktails over the large tangle of people in front of him, at the nearest Deimosians*

now is no time to be lying around people...i believe it might be better if you all were inside the APC...

OK Shazz! On three ... One, two, three, PULL!

*Shazz, Kes, mari, Wowbagger and several pieces of picket fence end up in a heap on the floor of the APC.*

Come on everyone - no time for a game of Twister .... shut the rear doors!

*Quickly lets go of the belt he's been holding, so as to preserve his remaining teeth*

*Untangles herself and heads straight for the beer supply!*

Phew! That was a close shave!

Are we all back where we should be now? Shall I disengage the autopilot? That group of Demosians seems to be fairly well taken care of thanx to that last little manoeuvre... where to now?

*Sips beer after that long string of questions*

shazz

*shudder*

...

There... that covers most of us now I think

What's next then people?

shazz

Dinner?

Sounds like a good plan! What's on the menu?
*reaches for flamethrower*
Does it need re-heating?

Re-heated, barbecued deimosians? I'm sure we can do better than that. Let's see if we can find a place that serves a proper easter-menu. Like mussels in curry-creme, lambchops with mango-salsa and mint jelly, a little cheese and maybe a little rhubarb-pie to go with the coffee and cognac?

Forget the pie and make it a large amount of good cheese and you can count me in

*wonders how the wine cellar is coping*

What about a large gut-testing curry and 12 pints of lager?

I'm for the curry... but I'll have Spitfire or something equally testing on the liver please!

shazz

No talk.... eat! and drink... I'll have a couple please.

but aren't you single?

*Whispered aside to Linus*
Watch out! You could be seeing double after a remark like that!

*produces some lovely New Zealand cheese and crackers and a top notch Australian bottle of red.*

Now this is more like it! It's hard to be a tough, gun weilding BFG all day. Sometimes a touch of the grape is needed to humanise you. Especially after a long week.

*pops cork and starts filling glasses*

Cheese and red wine is probably the best invention since man invented central heating, plumbing and sex (not necessarily in that order). Puzzles me, though, that there is no smiley for wine...

Here's one... !

(ignoring Linus, pointedly.)

I can see by the colour of that tongue of yours that you have had enough already, dear. Want me to tug you in?

'Tug her in'?

Is that a new expression to avoid the M'ters Pierce?

I'm feeling a bit myself atm... I better have a few 's to sober up!

It's lucky the Demosians have all gone quiet, seeing the state that we're ALL getting into!

*Collects up about 100 empties and drops them in the recycling shute*

shazz

There is one good thing about moderating: It makes your postings less blunt and more creative, no?