h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hey! Archangel Galaxy Barr - have you put on your costume yet? Good! Now get out there and relieve those worried angels-to-be!

At least the landing wasnt too bumpy!

Right, next on this list of hopefuls is Seraphina, who would like to be made the Patron Saint of Lost Hearts.

*Seraphina finishes taking one last slug of Jack Daniels, and heads through the middle of the fountain, whose waters automatically part into a passageway of water. Little bubbles start to foam at the edges, looking suspiciously like someone has added some bubble bath to the waters. The colour of the water turns instantly lilac to match her flowing dress that is covered in tiny sparkling crystals.

Seraphina, you wish to look after those with lost hearts. There are lots of people in the world for you to care for, I wish you well in your endeavours.

*The sainting sword flows down over Seraphina's shoulders, emitting bright prisms of light at each touch. As the sword is raised, a set of lilac wings made from stars flow from the dress and a halo of tiny, shimmering crystals appears.

Seraphina, be a light in the lives of all who need help in finding their true heart.

*Seraphina walks gracefully to the end of the table, taking a goblet of PGGB as she goes.

Ooops - sorry, got a bit carried away...

Sorry...

'decides to pass on the pggb amid rumours that st Romani angel has spiked hers with lsd'

*The sun seems to go dark for a brief instant and Hussassan flies in.*

Hi, I'm late, had an exorcism to attend to.

*Seeing as how PGGBs are already being served, calls a beam of balck light down from Heaven which coalesces into am open bar offering every other drink known to Heaven, especially . There are aslo some definitely unspiked PGGBs, which would probably make them safer....*

::smiles and thinks to herself: What fantastic patronages...::

any unspiked jd n cokes there ?

How naive to think you can spike with lsd.

You just change the percentage a bit

Yup, I've got unspiked everything. Here you are.

Yes, I can see that one has the makings of a good Guardian Angel.

Ok. Opti, soon to be Patron Saint of Divine Intervention, if you make your way forward.

*Hand in hand, Opti leads an unsure Natai forward leaving him just in front of the now glistening, silver shimmering fountain, giving him prime view of the forthcoming spectacle. Gently Opti breaks from Natai and steps slowly forward to the dais. Her dark, burnished copper dress with black lace overlay rustled as she walked.

Opti, you have shown to be a most relaxed person and well deserving of your patronage of divine intervention. I hope you make decisions well, or all of Heaven will look bad. Not that there is any pressure in the job!

*The sword swings again, a set of scales can be seen momentarily on one shoulder and a stylised cherub on the other. Natai is heard to take a breath as a burnished orange and black veined set of wings bursts forth. At the same time, a halo made from orange ivy appears over Opti's head.

Take your patronage and go forth in the world. Make good decisions and enlighten the world with your presence.

*Opti hovers back over towards Natai, takes his hand and leads him shakily towards the accruing glasses of PGGB.

Not many takers tonight! Odd that... I'd be careful of it if I were you though Natai, it can do odd things to non-s!

*helps herself to s*

*adjusts her halo and gets busy*

Ah Opti, the world may well lie on her shoulders with the decisions she makes.

Deus Ex Machina. Want to be the Patron Saint of Unexpected Surprises, eh? Well, lets see what the sword has in store for you... Step forward, if you please...

*As DEM steps through the fountain, suddenly the water seems to stop flowing, yet droplets of water still appear on his billowing robe.

We need to really do something about this school thing that you are currently attending. Its definitely taking up too much of your time from Heaven!

*The sword is raised and two heavy textbooks appear on DEM' shoulders as he is touched. Two wings and a halo of an ever changing pattern appear, seemingly changing according to the mood which the situation deserves. Currently they are both brilliant white, reflecting the fountain behind DEM.

DEM, surprise people down on Earth. Especially those in your class - people always need cheering up whilst at school! We look forward to seeing you around Heaven more often very soon.

*DEM moves towards the background, slipping a PGGB into his robe berfore disappearing off back to work.

flies in awkwardly landing in the middle of the table

sorry for the delay serephina locked me in a cupboard have i missed it all

oh well i'll just have some instead glug glug

romani

Dont work too hard now Deus!

*The fountain shimmers and returns to a visible flow of water.

Neri. You wish to step forward?

*As Neri Aracro heads through the fountain, the waters change to tiny strawberries that cascade down his grey, dismal robes contrasting with his bright, berry red sunglasses.

I wouldnt have thought that colour would suit you Neri, but it goes well with your patronage! Come forward and receive your patronage of rain and strawberries. I'm not sure how well they fit with each other, but strawberries will always cheer you up when its raining!

*The sword swooshes and a flutter of rain appears on one shoulder, with a bowl of strawberries and cream appears on the other.

Arise, Patron Saint of Rain and Strawberries. May you bring light into people's lives when it is raining by producing buckets of strawberries. Speaking of which, there is an empty barrel over there waiting for you to work your magic!

*NA leaves the dais, picking up a PGGB on the way to the now strawberry-filled barrel.

Dont all rush at once now Angels!

'Gives Romi a poke'

I never locked you in anything Shazz!

A highly useful angel that - we are often in the need for more strawberries! Though the rain can be left down on Earth I feel!

Righty-ho. Gaia, doodling and comics I have you down for. Oh yes, I can see your holy pencil tucking out from the top of your turquoise robes. I like the design on them - very original. I wonder what the sword will pick up on?? Anyways, step forward and lets have you sainted, shall we?

*Gaia steps through the fountain, which appears to revert into a pattern of odd shapes, though some of them are obviously impossible with water flowing in completely the wrong directions!

Doodling and Comics - quite a diverse range you have there. Lead others well Gaia, ensure that the world never runs out of inspiration for the odd doodle here or there.

*the sword swoops once more, leaving the thought of unconnected images on each shoulder. A burst of comic light flares and as it dulls once more, a pair of wings and halo to match the gown remains.

Very elegant I feel. I shall have to come and talk with you whenever I feel the need to doodle. Maybe you can help me to interpret some of my better pieces of 'art'! Use your holy pencil well child.