h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

** searches the crowd for the next applicant **

Nowhere or is she in the middle of the ogling male group over there?
No wonder, a topless woman always attracts them like flies to cow-droppings.

** checks the official new list of absolutely forbidden words to stay on the safe site **

Are you ready with them Ghia? Time to get the covered in a patronage

** Again they come before Kes. **
Watch the sword Kes, it might get overheated.

sneeking out for a siggy ok

*Stops looking for his list, and looks up at the next candidate. Instantly remembers what she wanted to be patron saint of ...... *

Ah. Yes ... erm ... right ....

*Lays the Sainting Sword on her bare shoulders without shaking too much*

Ghia. Welcome. You are now the Patron Saint of Nipples!

*Pink wings sprout from Ghia's shoulderblades. A halo with a high Sun Protection Factor materialises over her head.*

Do take a seat, and a cup or two of PGGB!

It is not very polite to walk away in the middle of a sainting ceremony, unless you are allergic to some sights

** has a few s, to wash the from his face. **

Funny, that patronage enhances them instead of covering them.

as another as the nerves start to subside

ooooopppppsssss one to many i think i mean

*Archangel Fashion Cat walks from the pavilion, escorting a handsome young man dressed in white shirt and flannels. She presents Demon Drawer at the podium.*

Hello, old friend. Good to see you - so glad you've chosen to join us. I reckon you'll enjoy it. Now ... if you'd kneel for a moment ....

*Kes wafts the Sainting Sword around. On the catering table, the sausage rolls become mini-buffet sized. The Sound Cherub runs onstage with a roll of gaffer tape to re-connect the microphone.*

Ooops! Hold steady there! OK ... It's just a nick ... MA has some sticking plasters ... DD - you are hereby declared to be the Patron Saint of Disillusioned Visionaries! Go forth, and cheer 'em all up a bit!

*Henselite wings sprout .... plus a halo with a white spot on it. The halo seems to wobble in its orbit, but always ends up in the right place.*

There! I always liked the idea of an angel with bias!

Marjin! We have one more candidate .... Stephanie ... would you bring her forward, please?

walks over to Demon drawer to place a sticky plaster wher kes accidently nicked him with the sword

** looks around again for the last applicant and finds het in a impressing elisabethan gown, completed with ruby necklace and earrings. **

I hope you had not to wait too long, but you are on now.

** as they walk towards Kes, a pair of gleaming new combat boots form a strange contrast with the elegant dress. **

OK, Kes, I give you Stephanie.

Yay my turn

*atches and sips his second

*points to her new boots and smiles*

Welcome, Stephanie. I hope your sore throat is better. Now where's the sword?

*looks around*

Yes the throat is better thank you.

Kes, be carefull to get our own sword, with Husassan's it will not be valid

Right! Here it is! Thank you for being so patient ... Jezt geht es los!

*Kes swirls the sword around, somehow doing no damage this time. He rests it on the applicant's shoulder, and intones:*

Stephanie. You are hereby dubbed the Patron Saint of Surrealistic and Impressionistic Art!

*Stephanie acquires a pair of rainbow wings. As they flutter, you can almost see ballet dancers, paris streets and seaside scenes. A halo, reminiscent of lilyponds and haystacks appears ... though from time to time it almost looks like a purple giraffe driving a train ...*

and now, folks ... it's almost party time ....


almost!

Eeeeek!! Not his get yours......