h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*checks Sainting room*

*checks ceremonial sword is nice and sharp*


*checks podeium isn't too creaky*



Oh dear....must find a handy for that job....now then, where's my ceremonial gown?
Ah, here it is...oh my! Moths! What *will* I wear now?


*scratches head*

*notices St.Seven of Nine's closet*
*clicks fingers*
*padlock drops off*
*rummages about amongst the chains and feathers and spandex*

Aha!
*pulls out disguise*

This will do nicely

** wanders in **

** sees AGB in a state of undress **



** mops brow **



** wanders out again **

** mutters **

I wonder how long she'll be? I know what women are like when they're getting ready, well I made them that way deliberately of course

I wonder if I should start?

I'm here already, and if I don't get back to the Goddess Xanthia pretty soon she's going to come looking for ME soI better hurry up...

SAINT BROELAN!
Will you please step forward?

Kneel on the velvet cushion, my dear.
Thank you for volunteering to become the next Herald of Heaven.

** lifts ceremonial sword **

** touches Saint Broelan on both shoulders **

** an extra-large pair of sparkling wings appear and an extra-shiny halo **

** squints at script **

You are now the brand-spanking-new Herald of Heaven.



Spanking? I thought that only St.Seven of Nine was into spanking?

Oh well, you may rise, my dear, here's your Herald Badge of Office

** places Badge of Office around Herald Broelan's neck **



Now, where's Archangel Kes with those famous ?

** shuffles off **

*clatters in on her new spiky high-heels*

What the...


Youyou!
How dare you rummage through my outfits?
I was going to wear that, oh well, I guess it will have to be the old woman outfit again. I just hope Batman doesn't turn up and chase me round the forums again.

*starts getting changed*

*ignores St.Seven*

*mumbles something about attention-seeking*

*approaches podium and sits down*

Right, order please, all you chattering and

This is supposed to be a solemn and serious occassion!

First and foremost I'd like to introduce to you, our new Herald of Heaven - Herald Broelan!

Take a bow, Broe!

*applause*

Well done, and thank you, Herald Broelan.

Now, where's the script?

*looks around*

I hope GOD didn't take it with him...

*takes paper handed to her by St.Justin*
Thank you dear

Right, first up is Nikki, is she here?

Ah, would you escort her, please, Zaphod Beeblebox and LittleMissFordPrefect.

Thank you.

Please kneel on the velvet cushion. Don't look so scared! I know this ceremonial sword is heavy, but we haven't had any accidents since ... the last ceremony wasn't it?

Did you clean up the mess? Or did you hide the stains with the cushion?




*taps Nikki lightly on each shoulder, neatly slicing off a lock of hair as the sword glides ever-so-closely to the top of her head*

I now pronounce you the Patron Saint of Bubbly Drinks and Daydreams.

*a halo appears over Saint Nikki's head, and a pair ofwings sprout from Saint Nikki's back*

"OOH!" says Saint Hezher
"OOOOOH" says Saint Clelba

Excuse me, youlovings in the audience! These wings and halo are not for consumption!

Any licking will be severely punished!

You may return to your seat, Saint Nikki, or practise flying, but beware of that wall over there!

Who is next please?

*looks at script*

Ah - Galen....where are you?

*A rowing boat appears, being rowed by Dorian Gray*

On board is a slightly apprehensive looking L

Come - don't look so worried!

*shifts Saint Nikki's lock of hair out of sight with a swish of her cloak*

Kneel, please, Galen - this will soon be over and you can go back to yourrowing...

*raises sword*

I dub you Saint Galen, the Patron Saint of Crew.
Bless all who sail and look after those not qualified or too to navigate....

*a pair of seagull-feathered wings sprout from Saint Galen's back*

*a flashing halo appears above Saint Galen's head*

There you are, that wasn't so bad, was it?

Dorian, you may row Saint Galen back to his seat now.....

Who's next?

My what?

*squints at script*
Oh dear, it got splashed....the ink has run.....Titania, can you read this?

Titania
It's Mystrunner, dear.


Aha, ok then.
Mystrunner, are you here??

A pair of silver knives land at AGB's feet.
AGB jumps.

What the ....
Mystrunner runs up furtively wearing green, black, with silver accents.

Very deep-forest, Mystrunner.
That Zorro-mask really suits you

Please kneel, but mind that bottle that says "Drink Me" - I have no idea what's in it, no doubt Alice was in here earlier and left it, but I don't trust her, especially I don't trust bottles with a and label on the back - Mystrunner! Don't!
DON'T drink that!
*glug*
Mystrunner wipes his lips and before he collapses in a heap at the foot of the podium.
Get off my foot!

Hmmmmm, I wonder if we should call the
At least it wasn't my fault this time....

I better get this over with quickly...
*touches Mystrunners prone body with the ceremonial sword*
You are now the official Patron Saint of Assassins and The Sunlight That Filters Through The Tree Leaves.


Is there a in the building?

*administers Drink Me antidote to Mystrunner*

He'll be now.

I hope....Titania, will you check our insurance policy is up to date, please?

either this has been the quickest ceremony ever (i only got the invitation 2 hrs after signing off yesterday) or i am uncommonly early .

thank you! wow, being promoted personally by god! i think i need a sit-down... did he mention ?

*after sitting a spell gets up and wanders around congratulating all the new angels, and getting reaquainted with the old ones *

*drools at the thought of eating wings*

*notices everyone watching*

*quits drooling and produces some s to prevent the consumption of any wings*

congrats all the new saints and st broelan!

^. .^
= ' =

thanks!

i could have sworn i'd already posted here, but now i can't find it
it said:
'wasn't there mention of a birthday as well? so, who's not getting any older?'
if you see it running around, will you let me know?

in the meantime i'll be over here by the bar trying desperately to remember the recipe for s

The are on the drinks trolley that Archangel Kes left...somewhere....maybe above those feet over there....

Birthday?

Why, it's h2g2's birthday of course.
Tomorrow.
But I believe the party started yesterday...
3 years....

*offers a *
Much tastier than wings.

The are on the drinks trolley that Archangel Kes left...somewhere....maybe above those feet over there....

Birthday?

Why, it's h2g2's birthday of course.
Tomorrow.
But I believe the party started yesterday...
3 years....

*offers a *
Much tastier than wings.

i knew that.
really.
i've been at the party for about twelve hours now.
maybe that's what's wrong with my brain...

*finds drinks trolley... has large *

Congratulations to all new s!

*yells to Dorian, "Drive it donw hard!, 'put your back into it'" as they row off*

*glides through the door and settles at AGB's feet*

*looks hopeful*

*wanders in late, a little harried looking*

Sorry about that Any drinks around?

Congratulations y'all!

*strokes*
Very theraputic....

Drinks?
Sure....

<'s in a little out of breath>

Sorry I'm late, but I had to come from The Ministry of BLACK, which is now housed in the High Tower of the Castle of the Knights of H2G2.

I'm not too late am I.





That thing could do nasty things to the pony tail in the hands of the un-initiated







Bassman