h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I don't know about that, Munchers. The one on the far end of the counter seems to be making a break for it.

*Extracts the knobkerie from under the bar, pounds the rogue sausage roll into submission, and atoms, to pre-emptively protect the denizens of the Snug, returns the knobkerrie from whence it came and pours himself an *

Actually... tell a lie, that looked more like a larval Nessie than a sausage roll.

Can anyone else hear bellowing?

She'd never make it down the M11.

If that is true, even more reason to pre-emptively attack, to protect my customers. The modern world is a crazy, dangerous place and I have no intention of it impinging on us in here.

Hear, hear!

Look, I've made scotch eggs. Why are they called scotch eggs?

*wipes down frying pan and hangs it up*
for me, please. *helps herself to a paper serviette and a scotch egg*

Its naturally due to their outgoing, friendly manner.

Nothing to do with the fact that they're smothered in lots of pink squidgy stuff then?

And often a litle crumby round the edges?

And tend to be rather hard-boiled?

Messy, too.

...and they're bowfin'

Can you say that again in some sort of civilised language please?

Alreet pet, divvint panic bonny lass.

They're boggin'

Liftin' lyek?

Hacky?

They tastes lak sumthin oot ra cakhoose pet

Well, that's an honourable tradition in pub food, innit?

Yeah, but what if the weapons inspectors find out that we've got something that can triple the rate of global warming?

Scotsmen triple the rate of global warming ... ... I think I see what you mean now. Does this mean the US will bomb Scotland as a danger or hire it as a source of cheap energy?