h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

A likely story indeed - that sounds like post-rationalisation to me

**peeks head over bar from behind**

Look, I am just trying to protect you from yourselves.

**Disappears again**

Now, this is how you pull a perfect pint, just get hold of it here, no, here...thats it and, with a smooth gentle pull...

**And the pipes went gurgle, gurgle, gurgle!**

I've gone right off my now
I think I'll have a malt, from one of those bottles I can clearly see, I seem to have lost confidence in what goes on behind that bar.

Only a few weeks now till Pedants' Millenium Party. Where's Peet? I thought we nobbled him for organising that.

[Phillipa}

*the light dawns.*

LOL! You lot are in trouble. That is my auntie's tree, and she will be pretty upset with you burning it up. Didn't you realize she is one of the village witches? Spell casting, hexes, curses, you name it.

We're all going to be turned into !

Perhaps that is what happened to the Landlord. Anyway, I doubt we have too much to fear, they'll never get that request past the commitee.

How about some kidnapping? That would solve it!

Kidnapping? We're up against a !
We could always invite her to join the club, I suppose. After all, if she's a crone, she'll be the right age group for here. Couldn't we try to buy her off with a or two?

Getting her mired in a committee for broomstick maintenance and newts eyes procurement ought to do. Or indeed, accidently misslaying the young miss before she can "spill the beans". Now, who wishes to chair the committee on this undertaking? Can't go rushing into anything with out a proper committee structure now can we.

True enough. Maybe if we set up the committee and offer her the chair? Is that enough? We would have to go upstairs and ask the MAD room I suppose.

On the whole though, I favour a disappearance, loss, or kidnapping. I was looking forward to a bit of bondage with this particular miss!

Is this a BOF Inn or a Dirty Old Men's Inn?
(Or both?)

Well we sometimes play DOM Inn oes!!! (Sorry!)

But unfortunately, the Snughound ate them all. That is the last time we play with dominoes taken from a novelty childrens chocolate Christmas selection box!

[::|##

Oops - I've sat on one too

And what, may I ask, is all this arty-farty stuff, DJ??

From my subscription to the Abbey (which is actually a Christmas present for the SO): "...not only does this represent excellent value but you also recieve an invitation to a special preview performance in recognition of your patronage of the arts" or words to that effect.
So in a few short years I have gone from being a "burden upon the state"(ITV program on student debts) through being a "preferred customer"(Mastercard form) to being a "Patron of the arts".
It can only be a matter of time until I am commonly refered to in these mailshots as a "credit to the nation" or an "all round good egg"...maybe I might buy something if so addressed .

Duncan, you're an all-round good egg!
, please.

-
Ahem. Excuse me, I was looking for the landlord or someone in charge.
For several nights now I have been sleeping un-noticed in that old Jaguar MkII that has been abandoned in your back yard. Last night as the mice in the old leather seats drifted off to sleep (I was mindlessly humming Paradise By the Dashboard Light) I was visited by the ghost of Capability Brown (the great grandaddy of English landscape design and a personal hero of mine) and he has asked me to take over the refurbishment of the back patio and the terraces that go all the way back to the lake. You can't see the lake for the overgrowth anymore but it is there I ssure you. I can smell it.

See - very easy to get around me...flattery is the key!

However, very little will persuade me to go out in a garden between 11am-11pm especially in the months of August-May (or winter as we grumblemongers call it).