h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The violent shaking seems to excite Spike further and Gwennie's other two dogs join in the fun, jumping up, barking and tugging on Spike's tail*

Oh dear! Well, there's only one thing for it...WALKIES!!!

*Instantly the dogs converge on Gwennie*

Well, I suppose we aught now to brave sub zero temperatures, mice and birds that like to eat doggie poops and venture forth, otherwise young Spike here might get into a sulk and he's not very nice when he's sulking.

*Dons her doggie walking togs and exits the pub*

Toodlepipski!

[lurking disembodied voice]

hehehehe! flock a duck! good one!!

Dammuntblasten, I had plans for Gwennie in the snug. Foiled again!

It's that time/warp thing again. Try the little one in the corner she seems quite tipsy, giggles at everything Bumweevil says, dontcha Mari-rae m'dear.

Altho if she is truly dis-embodied as she claims you may have to overcome certain obstacles space/time continuum-wise. Try getting her to make an impression in your fresh cement.

Oh Thank you Great Dog of Typos for sparing us in that last posting.

Aura best Mari-rae

Back from the docks already Wumbeevil? Why it seems like only a short while ago you begged off to get sleep for the day's work ahead of you. Now I'm familiar with the idea of eight hours of sleep recommended by docxtors and the eight hour work day demanded by most employers. Not allowing for any other activities at all that should have kept you away for at least sixteen.. Oh..There's a computer on the banana boat. Clever duck.

Yeah well, it sort of went like two hours sleep, one hour travelling, eight hours work (no bananas and assorted wildlife anymore thankfully, just the world's lunatics sending me emails to reply to), one hour travelling home, post to H2G2 before the kiddies finish there dindins, crash out.

Didn't you read Solzhenitzyn's "Half a day in the life of Ivan Wumbeevilovich"?

I read it. Thought it was riveting. Especially the commuting parts. Killer traffic both ways. The main character is such a hero.

Is that lanolin I smell... Wumbe you haven't been sheep dipping eh?
- wishes house hadn't burned down 5 years ago, might still have good atlas and could calculate a one hour commute from Glasgee to whereever -
And the tour boat? No don't tell me, I have this image of a banana toting stevedore who occassionaly sings for the ladies on tour boats before coming home to a condemned Glaswegian rowhouse and scattering his genius to the electronic whilrwind of cyberspace while dreaming of Doris Day in a lambswool short coat and little else. I've always liked Doris... Don't spoil it. And don't tell anyone. It'll be our secret. Now do you play the pipes,lad?

Yeah you're right about the killer traffic, it's the train I get.

Wasn't Solzhenitzyn's description of the carnage in carriage no.3 when that mobile phone rang wonderful? It's the most tasteful disembowelment I've ever read about. It prompted me to go and buy some chicken giblets, a Barbie Microwaves Her Head doll, and re-enact the entire chapter in my Toys'r'Us Junior Theater kit. There's nothing like the smell of greasepaint and the sound of feet treading the chicken livers to put movies in their place.

Clydebank (10 miles) and yes I can make it in the same time on the bike, but the wind whistles right up yer kilt at this time of year....only altering direction after the Brussels sprouts on Xmas day.

Play the pipes? Every time I hear them, I need a drink....every time I don't hear them I also need a drink, just in case there's a piper waiting to pounce around the next corner, you understand. Cat stomping should be banned or at least reserved for tourists in Edinburgh.

*Can't decide if she's actually in this thread or not as there would be a continuity problem with being in the Snug and Crossed Purposes all at the same time. Ponders about this for a while....*

Ah, what the hey. I like the pipes, whether drinking is involved or not.

I thot the Continuity problem had been arrested by joining the EC or whatever Euro is called now. Y'mean Blair lied? We can't be in three or more places at once? Well not at once but ASAP.

Ah, I see the problem, tho I'm loath to describe being in two pubs at the same time as a problem. It's nothing a little split personality won't cure ....orrrr.... you could be playing that old pub game where you're tied to one bar by bungee cord and have to reach another bar for a drink.

Have you ever heard salsa with a piper? That wasn't an attempt at a pun, it was a genuine question, and it's an absolutely horrendous sound.

No, I haven't. (materializing fully) Could you describe it for me?

I think he means Celtic Fusion with Mariachi sauce.

Do you listen to it, eat it, or dance on it?

This post has been removed.

Just popping in to say, I've seen them live, and I enjoyed myself. I was blootered though, so I wouldn't take my word for it


*Pops back out, wondering how long before he gets his head panned in by Wumbeevil for that*

If I hear them tonight I'm quite likely to enjoy them myself (yes the season of serious bevvyment for yours truly kicks off very, very soon. I can almost taste that first pint.), but BBC Choice inflicted them on me when I was stone cold sober (my own fault, I suppose). £@$^@£&$! They should put out a health warning with that type of prog - "Viewer dipsomania advised" or something.

Well I'll need to go, all this talk of sobriety is sending shivers thru my liver. Apart from that, those traditional Scottish drinks of Kronenbourg, Vodka & Red Bull, and Pernod seem to be calling. Hmm, is there a Glasgow version of Danny Boy?

Oh Jimmy, bigman, ra pints, ra pints ur callin',
fae pub tae pub . . .

You finish it, I've got err...business to attend to.