h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Mmmmm.... Try it Dragonfly! It's tastes like a cross between Christmas dinner, a strawberry margarita and a teddy bear...

Then again - maybe I'll just try the strawberry margaritas thing again and follow the recipe this time

*Hangs up some fragrant fresh winter wreaths above the fireplace and over the bar, throws a firestarter into the fireplace that makes the flames sparkle and smell of cinnamon, starts the fire under the pan for hot mulled cider and another for hot water to warm up some rum, then proceeds to make another batch of strawberry margaritas*

I'll have some of the hot spiked... spiced cider please...

I`ll try a hot mulled water, please.

Sounds safer........

Mulled water? That would be chai wouldn't it?

Mulled water?





Oh no, you didn't drink the stuff in the pan on the stove did you Lurcher? That was the hot water I cleaned the mop in!

*quietly retires to the loo to discuss this with the porcelain god*

..............

Oh there are my in' .......

I'd wondered where I lost them. Thanks Dragonfly!

Yep.

::strolls in and stops dead, looking around at all the empty tables and the dust that has once again blanketed the counters... also notes the small green furry thing sitting in his chair, clutching a handful of beernuts and looking slightly worried. From behind the bar comes a terrible gnashing sound, vaguely reminding Thog of the time his multi-headed friend Phlacktoth ate a VW minibus. Silently motioning the small green furry thing into the kitchen to make him an omelette, Thog edges around the left side of the bar, snatches the quad-barrel shotgun he always kept there for emergencies, and holding it ready, leaps toward the gnashing sound.
To his surprise, he finds that it is only the barfridge munching on a few leftover cans of Guinness that someone never bothered drinking -- who the thought of putting Guinness in a can in the first place??
Relieved that it wasn't one of the other possibilities that he had considered, Thog casually whomps the barfridge a few times with the quad-barrel shotgun. The fridge stops gnashing and gurgles hopefully. Thog, feeling guilty for not taking better care of it, blinks accordingly, and the fridge is suddenly full to the brim with Guinness (in bottles), a few choice gallons of McLurcher's special holiday brew from 2001, lots of olives, onions, , , lemons and limes, and a few small ziplock bags of some beautiful green flowers. The fridge sighs in contentment and settles down for a nap.
Satisfied that it's not going to eat anyone for a bit, Thog then turns his attention to the dust on the tables and counters... the bar has obviously been cleaned fairly recently, but things have a tendency to build up over a few weeks...

As he surveys the condition of the mahogany floor and the smudged windows in the front of the bar, Thog builds a very careful mental image in his mind. After he's seen all the damage, he closes his eyes, focuses for a moment, and reopens them.

Everything is once again sparkling clean, there's Beethoven's Fifth playing on the jukebox, delicious smells coming from the direction of the kitchen, and fresh doormice on sticks in the loos.
Sighing contentedly, Thog materializes a fresh , takes his seat at the bar, and lights a ====~~~. Almost as an afterthought, he reaches out with his mind and switches on the neon 'OPEN' light and manifests a few people to sit at the tables -- sort of like putting a few dollars in your own tip jar as a 'primer'::

*quaff*


====~~~~
*sluuuuuuuurp*

*Michele strolls by the bar on her way to another meeting with a client. As she walks past the bar (with many serious things on her mind) the fact that the neon "open" sign is on does not phase her until she gets halfway down the block*



*She quickly turns around and runs (seeing as she is in a business suit and heels, lets say she runs "gracefully") down the sidewalk and back to the bar, elbowing lunchtime strollers as she hurries by. She reaches out and grabs the handle to the bar door (yup! It's warm! Someone has been here recently) her hands shake as she opens the door... Quietly she steps in and sees several people sitting around the room at various tables, and... can it be? Is it? Could it? YES! Thog is sitting at the bar! *

Have I died and gone to heaven and someone forgot to tell me?

Why Michele my dearest, cutest, most infinitely able Daughter! Good to see you, luv! Fancy meeting you here!

What can I get you to drink? We have a very nice selection right about now...
::gestures vaguely in the direction of the rear wall, which is covered top to bottom with shelves packed full of liquor, some ordinary, some very very extraordinary::

I might suggest the Q'AAxtiblark Blustuf... very very good in a margarita, should you be so inclined
::feeling like actually mixing a drink instead of just materializing it as usual, Thog stands up and goes behind the bar. Taking the tiny blue bottle of Q'AAxtiblark Blustuf down from it's revered spot on a shelf, he carefully floats a measure of it on the back of a spoon, drops it into a margarita glass, then adds margarita mix and a shot or two of some very nice 1932 Jose Cuervo Especial. He stirs cautiously, ever mindful of the highly explosive quality of the Blustuf, then slides it down the bar to Michele.::

I know, I know, you have a meeting with a client, but it, you'll need this before it's all over, believe me

::sits back down and materializes another Guinness for himself, lights another cigarette, and enthusiastically digs in to the omelette the small green furry thing has just brought from the kitchen::

Wow! I've never seen a margarita like that before.

*carefully she takes a sip of the margarita, her eyes roll back into her head as the most delicious, warm, fuzzy feeling runs from the top of her head to the tip of her toes, as she takes another sip she realizes that she is levitating a foot above the bar stool...*

Thog my dear - it's the BEST margarita I've ever tasted!

*quickly she downs the rest of the margarita, and seeing as how she is now floating 3 feet off of the ground, she manuevers herself to the door and holding onto the door frame manages to get the door open. She turns, blows a psychidelic to Thog and floats out of the door. A loud "WOOHOO!" is heard from the pedestrians on the sidewalk, and startled, they look up to see Michele doing triple summersaults above their heads as she floats off to her appointment*

::watches Michele boggling people's minds as she shows off::

I suppose I should have warned her about that little side-effect, but it, half the fun is in the discovery!
Wait...

:: out the door and yells after Michele::

WATCH OUT FOR THE PIGEONS!!!! THEY GET MEAN WHEN WE CAN FLY BETTER THAN THEM!!!

::sees Michele give him a in response, so strolls back into the pub, materializes another Guinness and, deciding he's feeling a bit /too/ grounded today, floats another measure of Blustuf into his and gently stirs::

*quaff*


::now high as and floating near the ceiling, Thog decides to go mess with the small green furry thing and wafts happily toward the kitchens::

*walks by the bar dressed for an evening at the theatre. Noticing the open sign she takes off her heels, hikes up her evening gown and dashes (not even remotely gracefully, mind you) for the door, knocking over several tourists standing near the statue of Arthur the Sandwich Maker riding a Perfectly Normal Beast.*

MOVE!!!! in' tourists...

*once inside the door she puts her heels back on, moves her skirts back into a less prosecutable position and saunters up to the bar*

Oooh... I'll have one of those blue thingies...

Rivettin`, absolutely rivettin`, this dialogue, could almost be a film!

*Settles down in the corner, waiting for the next reel*

YAY!!!

Yay?

I think it was a in cameo appearance...


::floats back down from the ceiling and cautiously mixes a Q'AAxtiblark Blustuf Margarita for Batty and simultaneously materializes a on the counter in front of Lurcher::

Drink up, mate, 's on the house

::carefully gives Batty's margarita a final delicate stir and slides it down the bar to her, praying that she catches it, seeing as how the resulting explosion should she miss it could potentially wipe out the surrounding five city blocks::

What??
::turns to look quizzically at a tourist who has approached the bar::

Well, yes, Q'AAxtiblark Blustuf is indeed the same material used in the Planet Buster bomb... so?
What the do you mean, "why do I slide it down the bar if it's that explosive"???? How the else am I supposed to do it?

What, are you ing NUTS? Don't you have any clue how the to have some fun in this life? What's the fun if you never take risks? Huh? Answer me in that, whyn't ya??

::listens calmly to the tourist rambling on for a bit, then grabs the poor unsuspecting New Yorker by the neck, pours a small measure of Blustuf down his throat, waits for him to start floating, and then wafts him gently out the door::


ing Earthlings, I gotta tell ya....

::mixes another margarita for himself and sits down at Batty's table::

SO!!! How's ??

HEY!!!! Tourists shouldn't be treated that way....!!!

Well, actually...