h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I had a friend who had the habit of pouring himself into his flat, feeling the call and for some reason deciding that the correct thing to do was to open a drawer/wardrobe door and aim for the centre. I think his fiancee used to catch him before the start of the flow. I think this because they eventually did get married...

My (arguably) worst habit when I've run out of places open to drink is to go back to where I've been employed to, ahem, RUN... and open it up for all the new freinds I've made, withou charging them for drinks or even paying attention to liquor licencing regulations. The same 'friends' turn up the next day and ask for me and I CANNOT remember their face AT ALL...

"Hey Haze, great night last night!"
"Sure was...er...mate/chief/knackers!"

I have two friends with similer habbits. One guy, shortly after, passing out he wakes up, or sleepwalks (we have never been able to tell which) and stumbles over to a closet, opens the door and lets loose. Then as if nothing happed he just goes back to bed.
The other guy was crashing out at my place one night after heavy drinking. He woke up not knowing where he was, but needing to relieve himself. He walks past the bathroom and goes to my kitchen and trys to go in the sink. Since he is short and not realy well coordinated (expecially when drunk) his aim is a bit off and he ends up spraying down my whole counter (that had my mail sitting on it) and microwave. I'm guessing the strain was to much for him, because I found him laying on my kitchen floor in a puddel of his own with his pants around his ankles.

Haha

So these 'friends' of yours now have to wear incontinence pads when they stay at your place now?

No, they just don't let them crash at my place anymore. I make sure that they are able to get safey home, so they can urinate wherever they feel like it. This way we remain friends.

I had a friend who used to do this regularly after a night on the lash, but with a twist... he only would get up & pee on potted plants.
We never figured what this was all about & probably never will.

We had chaps like that when I was in the RAF!

In the NAAFI all night, stagger to bed. Get up around 2am, stagger around the room, open toilet (Cupboard) door - let fly!!
Back to bed.
They could not beleive THEY had done it the following morning!!
'G'

When living in halls of residence in my first year at college, all the blokes used to pee out of the windows of their room after a session. Trouble is, it used to just re-enter the building through a downstairs window, and many a time the sound of peeing at three in the morning has been punctuated by 'Oi you b*****d, you're p*****g on my head! Use your sink like normal people!'

A couple of the more adventurous women used to use their sinks for post-session wees, and one bloke tried a number two in the sink, which promptly collapsed under his weight, leaving what could be described as a 'mess'.

One bloke after a few too many shandies decided to straddle the main halls of residence stairwell on the 7th floor and do a poo. Which landed in the main foyer with velocity and fragrance. He's almost a consultant orthopaedic surgeon now. A word of warning: don't break your hip in Nottingham!

- Adam