h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Two doll's house sized toilets are on their way to you as I type

I wish my hips didn't hurt, regardless what position I sit, stand or lie in.

*TING* - Your hips are now removed. You can view them in the glass box near the door whenever you get up. If you can get up.

I wish for better pop music in the chart (a previous, usurped wish)

You have no more hips.
I wish I had five legs.

arrgh

Your wish is granted, the charts have good pop music. Too bad they're not the *current* charts, you'll have to go back a few decades!

I wish I was better at driving.

You can now drive perfectly - but only donkey carts.
I WANT FIVE LEGS!

Congratulations, after a nuclear accident you have five legs. Too bad you'Re lacking arms and a head!

I'd like the dog to walk itself

*hits legs onto keyboard*
It just ran away - directly into the neighbours barbecue kettle...

I want the Hitchhiker´s movie DVD.

And your wish?

Granted - you have the Hitchhiker's DVD. Except it's a factual documentary on the perils of trekking across Asia with just a rucksack and a frustrated girlfriend/group of students who face the possibility of losing their passports, being framed for drug abuse/smuggling and run the risk of being abducted and killed. Not quite the same imagery really.

I wish everyone writes their next post in italics

Granted, unfortunately your monitor is now slanted

I wish I didn't have to go shopping again

Granted. You're dead. (Saves on mortgage, utilities bills, and you can do it lying down for the rest of time.)

I wish I didn't have to go downstairs for my next cup of

Granted. Your house is now upside down. No more downstairs to get to the kitchen.

I wish for new trainers

Granted. You now have two people appointed to train you in the ancient art of unraveling buzzard brains.

I wish I had a cup of

Here's one, unfortunately I mistook the Vodka for water so it might taste a bit odd.

I'd like some cotteag pie!

Your tasty feast awaits - Unfortunately I could only find cottage pie.

I wish this 'game' would end

- *continues lurking*

I wish the brussels sprouts would all rot before harvest







(who makes cocoa with water, ayway?)

My sister-in-law, it's cheaper than milk.

I have just put my pigs in your vegetable garden, it should be cleared by the morning.

I'd like a small brass candlestick