h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

They now do, but they also self-drink!

I wish I knew what to give my little sister for her birthday.

She's just handed you a list as long as your arm

i wish it would stop raining

A great drought comes over the land - everyone dies of starvation within the next two years.

I wish I could *afford* to get my sister a !

a cunning thief has stolen your sister's present out of the shop. it has mysteriously ended up on your doordtep...


I wish Fridays weren't so busy!

*PING* - every day is now Sunday.

I wish for a nicer life

You have been posted to Riyad.

I wish someone would post an intelligent wish.

Granted. Unfortunately, it´s the one down there:
I wish Steward would first lose a leg, then an arm, then his eyes.
Then, you are left down in a snake-pit with snakes whose poison does not kill but inflicts infinite pain.
Then, you are eaten slowly by a Ravenoous Bugblatter Beast of Traal.

I wish someone would make a wish!

Granted - unfortunately it's a really lame one.

I wish my hair would fall out of my eyes naturally.

Granted! You are now completely bald, no hair in your eyes.

I wish I had a bunny!!!

There you go but in 6 months you have 400


I wish my headache would go

Alright, your headache leaves. Unfortunately it spreads to everyone around you and they complian about it constantly. It doesn't hurt your head but it sure gets on your nerves!

I wish I had an unlimited supply of mashed potatoes!

a big cloud will now follow u where ever you go (even inside), constantly raining mashed potatoes.

I wish i hadnt burned my dinner!

Your dinner is now completely raw and you have to start it all over again from scratch.

I wish my shoulder didn't hurt.

Granted. Unfortunately your stove isn't working, so you have no way to even cook it...

I wish my boss spoke proper English so I wouldn'T have to review what she just sent me.

Now you have a new boss. He speaks English. He pays you half of your former wage.
I want a modern house in Germany.

(That's below minimum wage! )

Here you go - very modern, a prefab house - built with all the problems those usually have, like bad concrete walls, little space, a loud, squeaky ventilation system and not much character...

I wish I didnt' have to go back to Wuppertal just yet.

Congratulations. You have volunteered for the American army. It will soon attack the Iran.
I wish the new Simpsons staff would come in TV right now.

Er, my next door neighbours - the Simpsons - own their own business and the staff they employ are now doing something to their telly you really don't wanna see.

I wish a CD would come out with all the great music I've never heard but would like.