h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Well, Phillipa, I would say: watch your tongue, dearie. You should be happy, you have that kind of crazy Aunt. I could tell you things about mine... And BTW: this apricot shade suits Mari-Rae very good.

Thanks for the tea and digestive - how did you guess, they are my favourites? I'm so happy, because since 1 year i'm able to buy them also IRL, at my place!

*Looks offended and sniffs*

I didn't get any biscuits with my tea...In fact, I haven't had any tea yet, either.

*Gwennie's dogs sense her mood and start to howl noisily from outside the shop*

*Having been put in her place twice in a sharp manner, Phillipa cowers down into her wooly cardigan and assumes a meek tone.*

I'm so sorry, what kind of tea would you like, Gwennie? May I get anyone else something too?

*Gwennie realises she's being rather abrupt again and poor Phillipa is feeling a little upset and yells to her dogs to be silent*

That's alright, sweetie! Don't worry about it! It's just this daft old battle axe being a bit grumpy again. A nice cup of mixed fruit herbal tea would go down a treat and could my dogs have a drink of water please? All that howling must have made them thirsty!

*Smiles at Gwennie and brews the fruity herbal tea. While its steeping she brings a big bowl of water to the dogs, sneaking them some cake (not chocolate)*

Here, Gwennie, is your tea and some freshly made raspberry tarts too.

*She stands at the table looking like an awkward dishcloth.*

Can I talk with you? Its about the librarian.

*sips her tea*

Mmmmm! Lovely, as are the tarts.

The Librarian? Fire away.

What have you heard about him? I think there is more to him than there appears to be. I think he is a bit of a detective. He has an observing manner about him. The thing of it is, I am sort of in need of a detective.

*Becomes intrigued*

A detective? What on Earth would a young thing like you need one of those for?

*Twisting a ring on her finger.*

Its my husband. He's missing.

Missing, you say? Oh, you poor dear! Have you contacted the police?
How long has he been missing?

*Thinks Phillipa is too young to even be married*

Its six years now. He said he was just going out for a pack of cigarettes and then he never came back! The police gave up looking for him.

*She is twisting her apron as she speaks, and there is anxiety etched on her face.*

I'm so worried about him.

Err...yes. I can see you would be worried...

*Thinks that the poor girl must be a bit slow on the uptake to still be fretting*

I don't really know what to suggest. Have you tried dating other chaps?

I'm a married woman! I think. Do you think I'm allowed to date if I'm still sort of married?

Well...I believe that as your husband has been missing for such a long time, you're possibly legally free to marry again. All that you have to do is complete some sort of legal paperwork...

He might come back. I wish he would because he's got my car.

Oh, good grief! I think it's about time you got yourself a new car and a new man!

Really? How?

*Gwennie decides that this is going to be really hard work and that a trip to the libray and the loan of some books on relationships might be a good idea*

Do you like reading books dear?

Yes, but has that got to do with dating? *Looks at Gwennie with a startled expression.* Do you mean I should go out with that Librarian?

*Bangs her head on the table*

No! I mean visit the library and borrow some books on relationships, or just read some erotic fiction to give you some ideas!

*Hesitates* You don't "fancy" the librarian, do you?