h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

* comes in with his little army of amphibes*
These will be your reserves.
So, I´ll be Commander of Swimming Reserves, won´t I?

Good idea! *hands out more s*

*gets badge*
Thanks!

*CYBERHUMAN is all business as he starts handing out weaponry to the reserves. He hands out blaster rifles, laser cannons, generally anything that incorporates a laser in it and will deal some damage to the robots*

I think we ought to take up strategic defensive positions in a minute, or that humanoid will be at our entrance before we know it. I will advise on the best defensive positions!

I've put paint thinner in the pitch kettles on the roof, it ought to do some damage to their wiring!

*instructs troops, then defends the house*

*CYBERHUMAN gets into combat mode*

Now, taking up a strategic position on the outer wall of this HQ is going to be of no advantage in this battle as the robots, and the humanoid as well I dare say, are immune to arrows. I think we had better put a forward defense by the main entrance to the HQ, to keep the enemy occupied if they enter the building. Our reserves can be used as reinforcements for any casualties that the forward defense may suffer.

casualties?

OK, whatever you say!

*CYBERHUMAN speaks gently*

There will always be casualties in this war, Mala. The robots are far stronger and more resilient than us, and I daresay the humanoid will be too. They will always be physically superior to us. But their dependency on logic may let them down here today. We need to act illogically, doing things that they would not - or could not - expect, and with luck we may confuse their brain circuits long enough to seize the upper hand!

So then let's *not* guard the front gate - let's get out of here entirely! Then we can attack them from behind after they've deenergized attacking the gate!

*CYBERHUMAN immediately sees the logical flaw in the suggestion*

By the time we get round behind them, they will have had time to turn around and face us. They're not stupid these robots.

Hmmmm...

Yes, but they'd not think we'd do it, because it's so stupid!

Will kevlar vests help us any? I just found a boxful in the wine cellar

*CYBERHUMAN investigates the vests*

Hmmm, these vests are suitable for absorbing laser beams, which will be useful against the robots' paralysing beams, but they wouldn't be suitable to act as armour. Maybe they could be worn underneath armour?

OK, but what kind of armour? This is basically all that's manufactured these days, for police use

*CYBERHUMAN thinks and then says*

We need strong, preferably metallic, armour that can withstand heavy blows and glancing shots. Not heavy armour though, as speed will be essential to outwitting the robots.

Well, we underwater guys have recently developed a new way of armouring: cominations of fish scales and spider stings! Maybe I could get some of these...

Hmm, I know where I can get some light scale mail for myself, but everyone's such different sizes here...

*goes to search*

*CYBERHUMAN sighs*

Fish scales might as well be damp newspaper! The robots will punch their way through them in seconds!

Mine's metal scale, actually, sewn on thick leather.

Ours are made by a special breed of steelfish, created when an eel mates with a piece of ore.