h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Alright - I've stopped now - get on with it - the suspenders are killing me

*
Ouch!


Kes says after that

*Stops looking at GB*
*Looks at Tweetie instead*
Get on with it!

*Tweetie turns even paler, and falls over backwards in a faint, handing the paper back to the Usher on her way to the floor.
*Kes turns even redder under the collar, after a glimpse of bits of the nightie he hadn't known about.

*GB turnsd even greener at the sight of Kes

*PE turns to Kes and glares.

*The Usher better do domething quick!

Someone has plucked yet another feather from Kes's wings, he is under considerable pain...

The Usher rushes around like a headless chicken!

*Collapses from the suspense*

* Everyone starts thinking that if the usher won't ush, who will?

*Then, calming down after a couple of cries of BKGARK! , the Usher presents the paper to the cat.

*Usher: "The judge asks me to inform you that she is indisposed, and that the most independent entity in the room must read the verdict. Cat - that's you - Read the verdict!

All eyes are on the Cat!!!

Cat: "Me? (h)ow?"

*(for cats can't usually read)*

Usher: "Cats can't usually speak either - get on with it."

Cat: "The verdict is ....... meoow! you're never going to believe this ....."

Everyone is holding their breath, even GB, who is changing colour from green to blue!

Cat: "Meoow ... NOT GUILTY! Hisssss!"

*MK collapses in relief, then winks at the jury, who wink back, producing wads of money from their pouches.*

*Peaceful sobs*

MK - a word before you go - please. You promised me the $1M dollar success fee - may I have the money now?

*Peaceful leans forward with the mention of $1M*

*MK laughs demonically. He leaps over the table, over the cat and bag, blows a mocking kiss at Peaceful, winks at GB, and runs out of the court, pursued by several jilted females.*

*The cat smiles*

* No one saw her falling on her nose, though,

* NB: usual detail - unless a simultpost should otherwise decree...

Well, my fine furry friend ... you oredered a taxi for MK, as I asked?

*Cat nods*

To the airport

*Cat nods*

At this time of day, that's a twenty-minute ride, is it not?

*Cat nods*

Then we have nineteen minutes to come to a conclusion.

Cat - did you check the balance, as I asked?

*Cat grins and stands on her hind legs in order to hold up two paws*

Hmm. Decision time.

GB - as a Marshall are you owed any money? Do the Survivors want money?
What's the matter GB, has the cat got your tongue?

Peaceful - you claim one million? really?

*Cat rummages in the bag*

*Dear reader - are all the others dumbstruck? Are they speechless? Are those ladies going to let a man have the last word?*

In this case, the man deserves to have the last word...

having spoken so brilliantly throughout the ordeal,

the trial...

Speak!!!!

Hear! Hear!