h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We need to do two things, but we may only have time to do one of them. The two things are - make sure our supplies are safe, and make sure we have good shelter. We can look after the supplies fairly quickly - take what the tribe needs for today, then dig a hole in the sand - near the rock wall - and bury the supplies. The wind and weather won't harm them, and we can get them back after the storm.
A shelter? I don't know if we have the time. My mum always says - if you don't know where you're going, how will you know when you've got there? Until we find a good place for a shelter, we can't even start building it. I reckon we need to get looking - but not too far inland - the beach is usually a pretty good place.
I had an idea as I went to sleep. My mum says you get your best ideas when you relax. The bad things about the beach are the wind and waves, the seaweed smell and the lack of fresh water. Anywhere just off the beach fixes the weather and the smell, but what about the water?
I'm fed up with trekking all the way up to the waterfall and all the way back. My feet are sore. My mum says neccesity is the mother of invention. After the water falls down the waterfall and into the pool - where does it go? Tell me that.
Where does it go? it flows down to the sea. Let's go looking for the water. Look for the lushest, greenest patch of bushes and trees - and that's where the water falls to after it falls down the waterfall.
Got it?

Kes, you're so brilliant and resourceful...

*note to tweet and gb: 'magic' powers are not of any use in this application, much as they would also be useless if one were stranded on an island irl*

the wind begins to rip through the unsecured shelter, and threaten to upset the smoked fish from the tree*

*Thinks: Sigh! The truth is I'm just desperate for one of my mum's cups of tea in a nice warm lounge, with the TV on, but I'd sound like a real nerd if I said that*
Gosh! Thanks! Glad you've joined us. With luck, the fresh water might be close by. Let's each look round for just five minutes, then meet back here and report ... or should we stick together? What do you think? My mum says there's strength in numbers ...

Oh! The wind. No time for that. Quick - grab the food and goodies. I've dug a hole with a piece of the wood - bury the goodies in here. Good. Now head into the trees. Stick together! What a wind!

Kes, quickly, let's look for higher ground.

Tsunamis, after all, are common in this part of the world.

Is all this worth a million dollars???

Oh, all right, if you're sure. My stamps on Natural Disasters (Scunthorpe Centenary edition 1947) indicated that Tsu-whatsits follow an undersea earthquake, rather than a wind, but I'm probably wrong, and i daren't get my album out for a look - all my precious stamps might blow away. I'll stick with you. What million dollars?

*Suddenly there's a loud explosion, a cloud of smoke spreads around the small camp site. A tall old man with a long white beard, wearing a pointed hat and robes emerges from the smoke.*

He speaks: GREETINGS I AM MAZROJ THE GREAT AND... wait a minute. This can't be the right place. Great, now I'm really late.

*There's another explotion and the man disappears in a puff of smoke.*

ROFL
I wonder if the "explotion" was caused by a stick of dymanite which went off with a bnag?
*NOTE: Kes has no set of stamps which would have explained the concept of hubris. Forgive? Please?*

*PE's eyes have got that glazed look again. She hangs on to a tree trunk, as her skin acquires an interesting hypothermic colouring and texture. The wind drops for a few minutes, so K retrieves the airplane seat and harness from the beach, and combines them with trusty anorak and tree trunk to create some shelter. The anorak seems heavy. K plunges his hand into one pocket and finds something that resembles an off-cut from a kevlar flak-jacket. He recalls it as having once been six large Mars bars, purchased two weeks ago. He hacks a piece off using the small knife, and ruminates. Stuck to the underside of the Martian growth, K finds the leaflet for the "Survivors" thing, and reads it - more carefully than he did three days ago. There is much small print, some of it lost beneath caramel goo, but it helps to pass the time...*
.... to a desert island where ..
Oh. No dessert, then.
... a sun-drenched paradise, in which ...
Hmm. I look forward to that bit.
... with the approval of their peers, for up to 40 days ...
Grief! Days! I was sure it said hours. I want my mum! What has the House of Lords got to do with this? My mum says you can never trust politicians.
... he or she will, if successful, be rewarded with the sum of one mi......
Can't make the rest of it out. Why did Dad do the entry form in his name, when he sent me? His idea of a joke, I suppose.
*Now somewhat sheltered, PE is developing a healthier colour and texture, while remaining glazed.*
My mum always says there'll be a change in the weather soon, and it's always darkest when the lights are out. I'll wait for the wind and rain to stop. My mum says you shouldn't go out in the rain without your wellies or you'll get a chill.

What was that loud explosion?

Who was that???

Oh!! the anguish of it all!!!


Didn't you hear about the million dollars?

Nothing to it, really, the guys at the jetty are probably drinking it up, anyway.

No, do tell me about it. It sounds like an awful lot of money. My mum says that money can't buy you happiness, but my dad says that happiness can't buy you money, but I don't have any, so I don't know.
Don't look so worried. It can't be that bad - you can have a lump off my Mars bar if you like. Would that help to warm you up?

* Seated on the airplane seat, grasping her wonderful shawl, Peaceful recovers from her bout of hypothermia. That was really close, --Vicky, the Nameless Viking Queen, her secondary personality, after Marybel, that is, was threatening to emerge. Typical, in times of crisis...

Doesn't Kes notice what is going on? Does he know she is hopelessly in love with him? Does he have a stamp for hopelessly disgruntled and lovely mad scientists???

How long do these storms last?

* The wind blows, it howls...

Maybel is singing a song inside her brain:

"There's no island like Poco Island,
Like no island I know...
Even when the wind blows and you have to run
Even when the sun burns or there's no more sun..."
...

* Peaceful wishes the song would stop. She hopes Kes won't
notice she ate the edible mushroom stamp.

[She really doesn't know why she did that, as she is totally
unaware of her fractured personality problem...]

[Not really the time to think about these trifling matters,
there's a mega-storm going on...]*

Is the ammo safe?

* She finds herself asking.

*coconuts< fly off of trees as tho they were nothing more than peanuts*

*leaves are ripped violently from the trees*<

*on the positive side, the wind IS expected to die down by sunset...*

Thanks, that's delicious!

If there's anything left on Poco, after the storm, I'll go looking for edible roots and truffles...

Feeling better already!!!

Your parents are so wise. Why did they let you come? You look so vulnerable in that lovely anorak. You look...

* Peaceful sighs, beautifully

But you are strong and resourceful!!! You are wise!!! If we manage to survive, it will be thanks to you...

*K, lacking experience, interprets PE's glazed eyes and shallow breathing as fear*
Don't worry. It's only the wind.
*Bump! CRASH!*
It's all right, it's only a coconut. There'll be lots to eat after this. The wind's getting quieter. The sun will set soon. We'll be nice and safe. My mum says the weather's allright as long as it's on the outside. My mum says Science is working on a cure for the weather. My dad says Science ought to be working on a cure for his dandruff.
Do you want to tell me a bit about yourself? I've been talking for ages.

* Barely escaping a flying coconut... Peaceful beckons to Kes,

Come, my friend, there's not much we can do right now, everybody's safe [seems so...]

Show me some more of your wonderful stamps...

What's hubris? Is it a delicacy from the Northern Hemisphere?

Myself, nooo, nothing much to talk about.

I am a simple maidl, specialized in all areas of science.

Lately we've been randomly accelerating nano-particles, we have been watching the stars, we have been experimenting with genetics, we have been doing this and that. Boring!

Ve haff not fount yet the kure for dahndruff, sohrry.

* Vicky, the gorgeous and Nameless Viking Queen quickly returns to her hideout in the depths of Peaceful's tormented mind.

*The shelter is very small, but it was possible for Kes to get closer*
I had a set of stamps on Survival in a Cold Climate. I think my album is just over there - next to you. Have you been looking through my collection? I don't mind, as long as you only handle them by the edges.
*He reaches across for the album. Lightning flashes; thunder roars; waves break upon the shore. He scarcely notices that the Edible Fungi 3p special is missing ...*

ROLF !!!

M.K*