h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Please leave any questions you have for me here. Feel free to ask about my views, my background, or other concerns you may have.

Note that one of my campaign staff will actually post my replies for me.

-- The Celery

*Enters*

Okay, Mr. Celery, you've been officially anounced at the presidential election home page. We're ready for people with questions to come in.

*Sits down and starts twiddling his thumbs*

*Walks in with Pierrot, a Norwegian Blue Parrot and the official spokesbird, on his shoulder.*

Pierrot: Aaaawk, who'll be first?

*Ampton enters, and inserts an audio tape into his boom box head. He pushes the "RECORD" button and waits*

*E walks in...not because she has any specific questions...but rather because she's a little nosey...*

Hello, E! Nice to see you again!

Good luck in the upcoming election, BTW. The Celery wishes you all the best.

*Kicks Ampton to prevent him from playing the tape of the secret meeting of The Celery's campaign*

Pierrot: Aaaaawk, enemy to starboard. Prepare for full broadside.

Well...if that's how you feel Pierrot...you'll not get a donut...

*offers everyone else a donut*

*takes proferred doughnut*

Thanks. Don't mind Pierrot. He used to be a pirate's parrot and tends to be a bit caustic.

*Offers non-alcoholic punch to E*

So, do you have any questions for The Celery?

*has some punch*

Umm...questions.....yes...i could do with thinking of some.....

erm...

*sighs*

Sorry...I'm all out of questions....

Oh, that's quite alright. You're still invited to all of The Celery's parties, even though you are a strong competitor. Thanks for the donut, BTW.

Thanks...

...and you're always welcome to a donut...

...oh...and if by chance the Celery does win...and there's trouble keeping the Galaxy safe...

*resits saying that people will know why *

...then just ask...

Leesten very carefoally I zhall say tis only wonce.

Wot do you get up to wif the German's in the oopstairs rooom?

German's in the upstairs room? Are you refering to Lil's Atelier? She has several visiter's there, and I have no idea what their nationalities may be. Is that what you are referring to?

Try 'Allo 'Allo in which the Calery had a very Sexy cameo role. I have the tapes as proof.

The Celery says that he thinks you might have confused him with one of his non-sentient cousins and he would be very interested in a viewing of those tapes ....

Burn the tapes.


Seriously, though, he isn't a member of the screen actor's guild. And you expect him to be in a movie?

What can The Celery do for me?

Well one of the best things celery can do for you is help you lose weight, because you burn more calories by eating celery than you gain by comsuming. Pretty neat I think.

Well, as you may already be aware, The Celery is not a researcher. He is an h2g2 creation that lives here. Because of that, he is an integral part of the, shall we say, Vast Active Living Intelligence System that is the h2g2 community (something you probably relate to very well ).

Of course, the only official power given to the Virtual Prez really boils down to a regular column in the Post, so there are limitations on what a Prez candidate can promise (despite the attempts by some opponents to bribe voters with promises of curried lampposts).

However, the Virtual Prez can make a difference if he is willing to work with the community toward common goals. One of the Celery's biggest concerns is to help and protect the rights of other h2g2 creations, that add so much to the community. And he is for stricter controls on temperature, but that might not mean that much to you.

You can also count on him to write interesting and entertaining articles in the Post (see next week's Post, coming out Monday night, BTW), and to follow through with his plans. His fish sanctuary and playground is a big success as was his huge party with dancing and black-tie dinner.

Finally, if The Celery is elected, he will have an open-door policy at the Virtual Prez House, where you will be invited to stop by any time, have a drink, and chat about anything you wish.

I hope this helps answer some your question. Let us know if you have other questions.

- Redbeard
Chief Political Operative
Celery/Webjello 2000