h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I like pie
Me too
No-one asked you!
I dont like pie
What??
What??
What??
What???
Hey whered you come from?
No-where

GASP! A pie dissident!

...
*wonders if he should post his long conversation with himself...*
*wonders that he should...*
WITH A VENGENCE!

...
*plots...a graph of the arctangent of five...which is just a horrizontal line...*
...why did you plot that...
...for the hellava good butter...
...what...that makes not sense...
...of course not...it makes yes sense...
...that doesn't make sense either...
...hello...
...what...
...yes...
...er...
...oh...well what do you want then...
...an explation for this wierd behavior...
...oh that old thing...I bought it off this old pawner...
...of course you bought it, Raskonikov...
...I'll have to see if I can get you one...
...a what...
...an old pawner...
...why would I want one of those...
...paper weights are nice too...
...why does this conversation not make sense...
...oh it's down the block...
...what's down the block...
...no that way...
...are you hearing a word I'm saying...
...no...
...was that supposed to be funny...
...yes...
...or are you just coincidentally saying that...
...why of course I am...
...I'm getting disturbed...
...well you certainly took your time...
...whats that supposed to mean...
...well I just notice that you only now got around to getting one...
...by one do you mean a mental issue...
...no...I mean a Don Quixote...
...what...a Don Quixote...what in the name of Cervantes is a Don Quixote...
...AHA!...I'VE GOT IT...
...a concusion from thinking to hard...
...no...OH CERVANTES!!!...
...was that a feeble atempt at an explitive...
...Dovstoevsky straight...
...oh do be quiet...
...Oh...I'll be quite...only after I've Issaced your Assemov...
...WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO BE...
...Talk to the hand...
...I might have a more competant conversation with the hand...
...I don't want to hear about your suffering...
...wha...
...you heard me...I don't want to hear about your suffering...I've already done the dishes...
...er...that had nothing to do with my suffering...
...riiiiight...
...I'm getting scared...
...well you have been talking to me for quite a while now...
...yes...and...
...and do you have any clue why I'm like this...
...wait...let me guess...you were talking to yourself to long...
...how'd you know...
...I have-...
...GONNECTIONS!...
...no...I have common sense...
...or do you...
...yes...I do...
...are you trying to convert me to comunism you...you...Fasciest...
...did you let loose your train off thought again...
...um...it should be at the station around 3:15...
...are you sure it's not just given up and run away...
...no...I'm fairly certain that that's the right time...
...okay then...
...unless of course they changed the schedule without informing me...
...they do that a lot don't they...
...no...yesterday they only did it twenty three times...
...only...
...ya...before I'd be lucky if it were ten...
...wait...you do realize that ten is less that twenty three...
...well it is if you use base ten...
...are you telling me you aren't...
...I use base fish...
...riiight then...I'll be walking this way now...
...NOOOOOOOOOOOOooooooOOOOOOOoooooOOOOOOOOOOOO...
...what now...
...what...
...whaddya mean what...
...what what...
...what was that big long overdrawn no for...
...I can offer you the world...
...er...whatever...but you still haven't answered by question...
...but the world is not enough...
...yes yes...and you'll probably live to die another day...
...no that was our mutual friend with the expensive acny...
...I was never his friend...
... ...never say never...again...
...what...
...SAY IT...
...never...
...THE WHOLE THING...
...what whole thing...
...you know very well what whole thing...
...yes but do you know...
...no...
...then how do you know when I say it...
...I know exactly what you said...
...but...but I thought you just said that I didn't say the whole thing...
...what whole thing...
...what do you mean...the thing you were just ranting about...
...oh that...I learned about that from my golden eye...
...and what exactly does this golden eye do...
...I use it to see thing...I see them with my golden eye...
...and where is this golden eye...
...in my bag of holding...
...your...what...where's you bag of holding...
...Idunno...
...do you mean you lost it...
...no...
...well if you don't know where it is then you must have lost it...
...I know exactly where it is...
...and where would that be...
...in the lost luggage aisle of the local pub...
...since when does the local pub have a lost luggage aisle...
...why would a pub have a lost luggage aisle...
...that's what I'm wondering...
...but your the one how told me about it...
...no you said that...
...and you think I'm crazy...
...no I know your crazy...
...then why are you asking me if I'm crazy...
...I never asked that...
...WAIT...
...for what...
...you said it again...
...said what...
...aw CERVANTES...
...what...
...you ruined the moment...
...what moment...
...the one next thursday...
...what one next thursday...
...ya did it again...
...how did I do it again if it hasn't happened yet...
...do you have a golden eye of seeing...
...no...wait...what...AHHH...stop that...
...stop what...
...stop contradicting yourself...
...me...are YOU accusing ME of a down right disrespect of the law...
...no I'm accusing you of contradicting yourself...
...oh so your insinuating that I'm hypocritical...
...yes basically...
...in that case I'm afraid I'll have to ask you to step out side...
...why...
...so I can check the time...
...wait...I think they changes the schedule again...
...what schedule...
...the schedule to your train of thought...
...now that's just nonsensical...it's only a metaphor...
...I'm not even going to bother...
...yes...
...I never asked a question...
...YOU SAID IT AGAIN...
...said what...
...you said...the word...
...I never said that...
...YOU SAID IT AGAIN...NEVER SAY THAT...eep...I JUST SAID IT EVEN THOUGH I TOLD YOU TO NEVER SAY THAT...
...you just said it again...
...said wha...
...AAAAACK...
...no I don't recall saying AAAAACK...
...grumble mumble grumble grumble...
...Mmmmm...soup...
...wait...did your stream of conscious just change again...
...no it's always been that color...
...what color...
...your not making any sense...
...me...I'm not making sense...what about you...
...I never said anything about color...
...uggg...
...no...I don't really like how they look...
...what look...
...those colors...
...wait...you did it again...
...I never said...that word...
...what word...
...never...I never said never...
...you just said it again...
...AH YOU SAID THE WORD...
...has this gone on long enough...
...no...probably...
...probably what...
...it probably has...
...but...but...but...you just said no...
...that's no reason to get studdery with me mister...
...wait...what...ACK...what are you talking about...
...what is who talking about...
...you that's who...
...I didn't say anything...
...yes you did...
...when...
...for the past twenty minutes...
...huh...
...I have it on tape...
...then play it...
...fine *play tape*
...that wasn't me...
...then who was it...
...who was what...
...WHO WAS IT ON THE TAPE...
...what tape...
...THIS TAPE...
...that's not tape...that's an audio cassette...
...FINE...WHO WAS IT ON THIS AUDIO CASSETTE...
...there's no one on the audio cassette...
...yes...there's a person who sounds like you on it...
...are you hallucenating...
...what do you mean...
...I don't see anyone on that tape...
...wait...I thought it was a audio cassette...
...or is that just what you want me to think...
...JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION...
...what question...
...who is it on the tape...
...what tape...
...this tape...
...oh you mean the audio cassette...
...BLAST...
...where...
...forget it...
...forget what...
...good...
...so I should be evil...
...probably...
...well it's a yes or no question...
...do you want chese with that...
...oh I'm on the tape...why didn't you just ask...
...so it is you on this tape...
...no...
...but...you just said it was you...
...no I didn't say I was on that audio cassette...
...then what audio cassette are you on...
...me...I'm not on any audio cassette...
...but you said you were on the tape...
...I am...just not that tape...
...then what tape are you on...
...this one *holds out tape dispenser*...
...not that kind of tape...
...would you rather have duct tape...
...no...audio cassette tape...
...they make a special tape for audio cassettes...
...this is going no where fast...
...DON'T SAY THAT...YOU'LL SEND US TO NOWHERE...AND FAST...
...what...ugg...give me a second...I'm falling apart...
...do you need some audio cassette tape...
...no...I don't need any audio cassette tape...
...well it looks like you do...
...and why's that...
...because you just broke the audio cassette tape...
...no I didn't...
...but you will...
...and tell me...no wait...I already know...you used your golden eye...
...no...it says so on the package...
...what package...
...THE package...
...where is this "package"...
...in the golden eye...
...but but but...forget it...
...okay...
...now answer me...who is it on this tape...
...Idunno...
...but you just said you knew...
...but I forgot...
...HOW CAN YOU FORGET THAT QUICKLY...
...because you told me to...
...do you listen to everthing I say...
...probably...
...what do you mean probably...
...Idunno...
...then why did you say it...
...I didn't say it...
...ugg...why...I should have never gotten up this morning...
...YOU SAID IT AGAIN...
...not that again...
...not what...
...the word thing...
...what word thing...
...duh idunno...THE WORD THING...WHAT OTHER WORD THING IS THERE...
...well there's that one in the paper...
...what paper would this be...
...near the funnys...
...NOT WHERE...WHAT...WHAT PAPER...
...don't ask me...your the one who said it...
...said what...
...the word...
...and whats the word...
...a secret...
...a secret?...
...yes...the word is a secret...
...I thought it was a secret...
...YOU SAID THE WORD...
...so...you're...you're telling me the word is "a secret"...
...is that what I said...
...yes...
...then it apearently is...
...but "a secret" is two words...
...well duh...but the word is only one word...
...THEN HOW IS SAYING "A SECRET" THE SAME AS SAYING THE WORD...
...YOU SAID IT AGAIN...
...I NEVER SAID ANYTHING AGAIN...
...yes you did...you just said it again...
...HOW MANY THE WORDS ARE THERE...
...one and a half...
...how can you have half of a word...
...cut it in half...
...but then it wouldn't be a word...
...well I gave you an answer but you didn't like it...
...forg-...never mind...
...okay...
...aside from that fact...WHO IS ON THE TAPE...
... ...
...ARE YOU LISTENING TO ME...
... ...
...PAY ATENTION...
...wha...
...listen to my question...
...I'm sorry...but your time is up...please insert two pennies and a half of a duct...
...what kind of request is that...
...an automated one...
...don't tell me there is a slot for a duct...
...okay...
...is there...
...no...
...really...
...no...
...so is there or is there not...
...no...
...so there isn't one...
...yes I was just pulling your leg the whole time...
...right then...I'm afraid I'm going to have to shoot you...
...if your afraid why not just not do it...
...forg- never mi-...think about it...
... ...
...you done yet...
...with what...
...thinking...
...about what...
...stuff...
...that wasn't a very good answer...
...well niether was that...
...why are you interrogating me...
...for the pure unbridaled joy...
...oh...I thought you wanted my Hellava Good Buttler...
...I thought it was Hellava Good Butter...
...well the butter's not have bad either...
...but what of this buttler...
...well he does have a tub of Hellava Good Butter...
...okaaaaay then...moving right along...
...along what...
...with the conversation...
...to they require tracks to work on...
...yes...yes they require tracks...NOW WHO IS ON THE TAPE...
...what gauge is it...
...what do you mean what gauge is it...
...well if it is narrow gauge then I nead a conversation made for a narrow gauge track...
...well with you narrow mind it must be narrow gauge...
...it looks like wide gauge to me...
...IT DOESN'T MATTER WHAT GAUGE IT IS...THAT IS TOTALLY IRRELEVANT TO THE QUESTION...
...which is...
...If you wore tuesday on blue...what are the times...
...oh...that's easy...I'm the one who was on that audio cassette tape...
...that's great to hear about you sky maroon parakeet...
...so that's all...
...yes that's the general tabletop lapdesk...
...I'll be leaving then...
...good see you on the purple tangerene of the insanity gerble hamster...
...*leaves*...
...finally...





...*walks back through door* we meet again...

Oh good, that's the same one as the pirate ship's brig, I read that already.

Not sure why I have, though...

...I'm too lazy to actually rewrite another...unless there isn't anyone posting...

yes........ well that was strange

Did anybody else read the whole thing, or was I the only one nuts enough to do it?

no I was nuts enough too

YAY!!!!

You're as mad as I am!

You'll never walk alooooone!

wwooooooh!

Jack is madJack is madJack is mad mad mad mad madAnd I'm outsane! Wooooo!

so is Yael so is Yael maaaaaaaan outsaneness

This is getting weirder and weirder.

woohoo! as it should be!

We're all one big crazy family.

...if your considered mad for reading it...what are you considered for writing it...schizophrenic...

Mainly and , I think...

*Kicks door open, assumes super hero pose then realises he is not in his Super hero outfit*

Dammit!

*Pulls ripcord of destiny*

KERPOW!

*"Super Doc" resplendent in crotch wrenchingly tight spandex and spangly Codpiece and chips utility belt stands before the thread with sun bouncing off his pearly whites*

TING!

I understand this is the new Valhalla for 21st century superheroes - may I join your knitting section?