h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*waits for a hunky lifeguard to rescue her and give her the... kiss of life*

There`s a whole army here that might oblige ..... wave harder. Do you like fake airforce handlebar mustaches by any chance ?

Ah Venus, what are you doing so close to the dangerous currents?
Don't worry, I'll save you!
*Dives in the water and swims up to where she is in trouble, and puts armbands on her to prevent her from drowning, and prepares to return her to the shore.*

<BB<

~ Shouts warning ~

Careful <BB< don`t forget you`re still drugged up to the eyeballs [tries to work out whether jellyfish have eyeballs - pauses - gives up. Too hard] from the tranquilizers.

~ <BB< falls asleep in mid-swim ~

~ Red Dog curses and dives in after <BB< ~

*Little does Red Dog realise that unless he applies to be an Official Waterworks Lifeguard, the H2G2 Waterworks Lifeguard's Union SOUL - the Society to Outlaw Unauthorised Lifeguards - will have no choice but to declare war on Red Dog.*

<BB<

~ Red Dog decides to leave Bluebottle to it and heads for shore ~

~ Throws a few mines in the water to remind Bluebottle that war has it`s own rules ~

~ Calls in airstrike ~

*airstrike arrives, but being a rather newly recruited and inexperienced airstrike, drops napalm on completely the wrong person*

Oops sorry Red Dog... erm...

*shakes head in disbelief on yet another thread*

*hands Red Dog a KFC complimentary small packaged wet towel to cool himself off with*

Erm, I'm sure the burns will heal with time.

it`s not the burns it`s growing the fur back that`s a nuisance ... you know you have to go throw that awkward stage where it looks really awful

*hands Red Dog a fur coat made from kittens* Will this help?

*waves machine gun around menacingly, and everyone else is very glad that he hasn't figured out how to disengage the safety catch yet*

Cor. Not arf .... my own kitten coat and full length too !

Many moons ago when we first set the Dog House up and started the war with the Cats they stole our Tiger Skin Trophy Rug and buried it. This`ll more than make up for that loss.

~ walks around a bit checking out reflection and admiring the cut ~

~a dark shape can be seen growing larger beneath the drowning venus~

~slowly they she is lifted into the air by a large dark shape~

~as more of the shape emerges it is actually the ACFN Crimson Shark in Submarine mode~

~Redfish waves out the window looking smug~

Oh look, i have "accidentally" rescued someone while i surfaced. Good thing it was an "accident" or the lifeguards would be annoyed.

arriving with a hauntogram for BlueBottle, sees her in the water. Shrugs, a job is a job. Starts to dive in, trips on the surface of the water. Glug...glug..sputter.
Surfaces a moment later, levitates over to Red Fish. "Have you seen >BB?" she asks, wondering what that strange, jellylike sensation on her back is. Looks around."I guess she's not here." shrugs, vanishes.
Something cold and snoring falls on the deck of the sub.

You could join up, you know, and apply to be a lifeguard.
Then you'd have greater freedom of the Waterworks, which could be handy in your war.
And the only other duties you'd have would be to keep the lifeguard hut safe.

<BB<

~hands over a completed application form on behalf of the ACF~

..And the type of lifeguard you wish to be is...?

<BB<

um... i think we would like to be... the kind with battleships and warplanes and guns n stuff...... um...

there are quite a few of us...

Well, you are now an official lifeguard - so please go round saving people, and try not to let your war get in the way of your duty.

<BB<

~salutes~

~runs off looking for drowning people..~