h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

I'd like to join and train monsters, please. I think that'd be .

Certainly. Apart from being a , what experience with monsters do you have?

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well, I've dealt with s and moths. does a rabid attack dachsund count?

I'm now keeper of the Thingite moths. oh, and I've been riding a tidal wave at the cat house beach.last (possible) qualification, http://www.bbc.co.uk/h2g2/guide/A627437.
let me know, bud. I've got to get busy researching and building a santuary for my moths. we'll be raising them from eggs and teaching them to eat away at the names for the days of the week, so that we can re-write them.(Thingite stuff.)

Sewer moths, the size of bats?! Great! I think that means you are definately qualified.

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Yee Haaww! I figure I can train the moths to do acrobatics from catapillar stage, as well as spinning the ropes and nets. we need more monsters to make a circus, though.

Lack of monsters isn't a problem - it's training them without being eaten that is.

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how about a sea world annex? I've just been down in the sewers and spotted s and pot-smoking , squids, and guppies,not to mention the various fish.
s and the rats could be the ticket takers.
for the security we have albino aligators, not to mention the s. soo many possibilities.
which do you prefer, the circus, the sea world, or both. let me know.

Having a bit of both always works well - as long as it doesn't turn out to be a recreation of Jaws 3D

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as environmentalists, we couldn't have that. how about we only capture and train young, orphaned s?
I found a trolloc who had wandered into the sewers, and from my reading it was intelligent, although too young to communicate at present. I took it home to its mother.shouldn't we just train non-sentients?
that leaves s out, and we'll have to try and talk to monsters before we catch them.

Hmmm - good question: "Shouldn't we just train non-sentients?"
In my view, sentient s are most in need of training - it's the intellegent ones which escape and plot on the best ways to eat people. It's because they've got nothing else to put their energy into - they've been deprived of a life of sufficent stimuli, and so go mad with the boredom of it all.
Of course, it would be polite if we asked their parents to fill in consent forms, but as well as training for the circus, we could teach them art, history, literature, and much more besides. We could give them things a has never had before - a University Education.

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..."I graduated from U." I like it!
let's see, we'll need a campus dorm with some really whup-ass dorm monitors, a nursery,arts and crafts hall, anger-management specialist, training grounds, consent forms, curriculum, a library, a teaching staff and a statement of purpose.
done, all but the statement of purpose.
I propose we get chiron, the cenutar who taught hercules, to head the school. he's in hades, not my realm, but maybe the gods could get him for us.

Hmmm... I think Dragonfly would know how to get in contact with all the right people - I'll ask if she can come over and find a few of her friends and family to help...
But there's enough sewage pipes for a university - afterall, many of the pipes themselves are from the University of Life itself.

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i'll let you work out the details, just give me assignments.

Chiron is very interested in Monster University. He would like to know what sort of salary you are offering, where he will be housed, if he can have a private stable; and he'd like to remind you that he has "instructed the greatest heroes of the age in many polite arts".

Going from heroes to monsters might be a bit of a leap, but since heroes aren't offering to hire him to teach, he's content to consider this job...

Finally, who can enroll in Monster University!?? Only the monsters who will be in your circus and sea world, or is this an equal opportunity campus!?? If I am going to try to enlist other classical myth characters, I do be do be do need to know...

Any monster, mythical creature etc. are welcome to join, provided they realise that the accomodation in the Sewers of Residence isn't first class. Chiron will be housed in one of the sewers nearest the park, so he'll be able to enjoy some fresh air, occasionally. But it will be a private sewer of the finest quality - undistinguishable in many ways from a 1st class cave.
As for salary, how about 38% of the Circus Proifts?

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38%!!! Where do you get such a number?!?? Why not 42% !??

Chiron will have to make an appointment to visit the campus, his housing, and the surrounding area.

will let the big wigs work it out. off to spot in the sewers.

38% is more than generous. One person earning over 1/3rd of all our money and resources, and he COMPLAINS?
It's our final offer, and Chiron can visit whenever he's ready.

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Ok. What do YOU get out of this!??