h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*The colonel limps into her office, she see's Major Khamsins paperwork and also sees something else, she switches on an ultra violet light and it shows up fingerprints all over her files and draws, she picks up the phone and makes an announcement*

*Her Phone rings*

Colonel Reefgirl............yes Captain..........can you come here I'm waiting for Major Fretts

*Kat gives a perfunctory knock on the door and marches in*

*Sees the look on Kat's face*

Yes Captain

I...have been given...information suggesting that you are responsible for the death of my sister, one Phoebe Travelyan of the 8th Blackband Army Movement in 1998. I...this is a serious thing colonel and if you are shown to have covered it up in any way then there will be serious repercussions. We were told she was killed in a flight malfunction.

*Kat stands in front of the colonel's desk, shaking with fury and barely holding on to her pent up fear, rage and grief*

What are you on about captain, I remember Pheobe yes, I remember a crash but nothing else

It says...my information states...that you were personally in charge of that flight sequence and that you attempted the Maklunski Flip Twist with your team, something that is never attempted except by the most experienced fliers and last time it WAS attempted one pilot crashed and was lucky to be alive. In the courts it was stated that the flight record was never retrieved...but I have information that reveals that it WAS and that YOU gave the order for that manouever to be undertaken and YOU were the one who took them in too fast and low and Phoebe never had a chance being on the end of that. She was BOUND to hit. But that would damage your career, that would put you in danger of prison. So it was merely set down as a flight malfunction!

*The Captain bursts into tears and rushes out the room, leaving the door swinging behind her*

*Sighs and watches her go*

Yes and I have to live with that decision every day of my life

*Calls after Kat*

Come back when you've calmed down and we'll talk

*flattens against the wall to let Kat pass*

*knocks*

Permission to enter ma'am

*holds up a six pack*

I brought beer.

*knocks on the already open door*

*salutes*

Ma'am. Major.

*Walks up, charts in hand and laptop in satchel under arm, and salutes best she can.*

Ma'am... Sir... Sir...

*Wonders why everyone is looking so serious, and blurts something out.*

Er... this isn't about the BIF, is it? Because I can explain... and the statute of limitations has probably run out anyway...

*Major Fretts pager bleeps twice, he takes it out and reads them both*

Major AkronU after this I'll be happy to personaly show you around armoury.

*looks round*

Major Scandrea. Fully recovered I hope?

*Kat re-enters the office looking glazed but composed and gazes suspiciously around at the assembled officers*

Yeah, you?

**

Yeah just a few scratches.

I'm OK, thanks...

*Hopes no one presses the BIF issue further.*

So, what did you need me for?

*begins noticeably counting the people in the room*

Yep, I brought enough for everyone.

*turns to the Colonel*

That is if it's still Miller Time ma'am

*glances at Major Fretts*

I'd be glad to take that tour when we're through here

*gets a puzzled look on his face and turns to Scandrea*

What's a BIF?

Ok now you're all here I have assignments for you, Scandrea I want you and some of your team to go to P20-877 there is a metalic substance in the soil that the local folks use to make weapons with, I want to know if this stuff is any good

Bubba, on P4A-299 in a factory where they make death gliders I want you Major Khamsin and Major AkronU here to see if you can find some scimatics and plans to help us inmprove the X-309

Kat, this isn't the time or the place to talk about what we have to, I'll come by the Med Lab later and I will explain everything, the absolute truth I promise

*Switches on the Ultra Violet light and the finger smudges everywhere show up*

Now can anyone explain this, I know I'm paranoid and often it pays off, someone has been serching my office, anyone got any ideas as to why?

*Looks at Akronu*

A BIF is a very long story...

*Looks at Reefgirl.*

Not me- I was in the map room the whole time.