h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Stares at the MewMech with a vague smile on his face*

Sorry, guys. Technogadgets won't work against adventurers in text games.


Gee, this place is nice, what with all of the classic villains. But we need the friends and allies! Where's Syovar the Strong? Where's Y'Gael? What about Belboz and Hawkslayer?


*Syovar the Strong (one of the rulers of Zork, who happens to be a powerful magician and strong warrior), Y'Gael (a Zorkish enchantress who's actual power is overshone by her cleverness to use that power), Belboz (one of the most powerful necromancers/sorcerers in any Zork game), and Hawkslayer (world's greatest adventurer, in the genre of the Bard's Tale (who doesn't count, really, cause he isn't from a text game, but the planet doesn't need to know that.)) all appear, ready for battle*

Okay guys, We need to take down that space ship! Help us defeat it!

*Belboz and Syovar cast a powerful protection spell, causing all of the bombs being thrown by the Mews to be deflected back at the giant space ship, Y'Gael mutters under her breath, causing the passage of time to be feel faster and more confusing to the Mews than anyone else, and Hawkslayer rushes forward, screaming a battle cry. Hawkslayer manages to hit the spaceship with his sword, an extremely powerful blade of the elves, twice before being blown to bits by the Mews*

Oh, drat. He shouldn't have left the protection field...

I need you to distract them whilst I sneak out of the protection field and untie Wendy. I know the odds of my success are pretty low, but I've just got to.

*At this point, Pr. C. Tonks walks into the room.*

Hello everyone!

*has a sip at the tea he's carrying...*

The Unseen Terror got lost while chasing me...put him in one of the few force-fields I could generate...

*Walks up to the MewMech, his shield now working, feeding of the power from the MewMech.*

Hmmm...what's this then? LOL! I saw one of these things tidying the beaches on Osia! It's harmless - just the Mews throwing bombs might do anything.
Erm, let's have a look...

*Has a walk around the contraption, sends probes out to evaluate it...*

Shabby, that's what it is!
It's start to lose power in a bit...even this machine can't escape from, well I guess it's magic in here eh?

*Begins to power up a CompreMatter Shield, to place around the MewMech...*

*And if you want to learn about Pr. C. Tonks' inventions, including the CompreMatter Protection Sphere, please consult A432460...*

[Wendy] Croz you damn fool, get back in the protective shield! Your going to get yourself killed.

Well you're worth it.

*Unties Wendy and they rush towards the protective shield. However, Croz gets hit by a beam of something and appears to be vapourised*

[Wendy] NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!

Wendy, don't worry, I'm sure Croz'll come back in some unpredicted fashion later. Meanwhile...

*Affy pulls out his Bard's Tale spell book*

Usually not as potent as Zork, but it has more offensive spells. Erm, let's see...


WIZW!!!

*An astounding blast of electrical energy bursts from his fingers, hitting the Mews and the MewMech*

Yes! You couldn't have timed it better!

*Presses the front panel on his Watch, and a CompreMatter Shield is initiated over the Mews and their contraption, sealing them in with the energy...(which incidentally won't cause the Shield to rupture or anything)*

*Wakes up in a dark sealed room with no doors or windows*

Oh my head. What hit me?

Hey everyone?

Where are you?

More to the point, where am I?

[YK catches one of the bombs and throws it at the MewMech]

[Total damage done to MewMech: 25% damage]

[Spherical robots with legs jump out of a hatch on the bottom and explode upon contact with the MewMech]

[Correction: "Upon contact with the Good Guys"]

[YQ picks up a robot and explodes]

[YC uses the Force to send the robots right back at the MewMech]

[Total damage done to MewMech: 26% damage]

[To contradict some of the previous, the wings flex forward, grab YC, lift him up into the air, and throw him across the room]

*GL borrows the map and pencil from Affy. He erases all exits from the room and draws a line from the wall at their backs to the outside.*

Come on, everyone. Outside. Once we're all out, I'll erase that passage and seal in the mewmech.

[YK] I don't think so. This is a boss, you see, and the only three ways to get rid of a boss are (a) to win, (b) to turn the game system off, or (c) to lose. C I wouldn't like, and B isn't an option, so I think we just need to win.

[Nerfal fires a blaster into the hatch. An explosion is heard]

*Sits around in a darkened room. Hears noises from behind the wall as if some sort of firefight is going on*

Er, direct some weaponsfire over this way so I can get out of this prisoncell please.

[Total damage done to MewMech: 51% damage]

[Third Mew] [with regards to explosion] }Wow!{

*Affy pulls out the Wand Of Annhialation from Beyond Zork*

It probably won't instantly kill it, but it'll definitely cause severe damage.

*Affy shoots the wand at the MewMech. The blast is so intense, that the entire MewMech ship is pushed back several yards. Affy manages to shoot the wand two more times (each result slightly more powerful than the previous), before throwing the wand at the MewMech, which explodes.*

GL, YK may be right. However, I'll give it a try...

*Begins to make his way through the tunnel, wondering how much damage he just did to the MewMech. Throws a stilletto at it, just to be safe*

OK people, here's what I'm gonna do...
I'll deactivate the CompreMatter Shield for a moment, and we all run out of it. I'll then turn it back on, and (if you had indeed read A432460, you'll understand this) nothing will be able to get in or out of it. I'll then set the Compression sphere to close on the MewMEch, which will crush it...

Get ready...

*he deactivates the Shield*
*everyone runs out of it*
*he reactivates it, and the MewMech's sight is lost due to light not being able to penetrate the Shield. All the crew see is a black hemi-sphere...*

Right, there we go...no need for bombs and the like now...just watch it close in...nyehehehe.....

*grins evily, and begins to close the Shield's boundaries onto the MewMech...*

[YK] [announcer voice] Ow, I don't care what universe you're from! That's gotta hurt!]