h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hello folks. I was just at Risa recently and took in the Salami races. You wouldn't believe what they do ...

*everyone suddenly seems busy.*

[Link has been playing with a model of a T-16 skyhopper and walks over to the table]

[Link] Mind if I join?

[RSE3] You're too young to gamble!

[Whiphid, murmur] He was seventeen once...

[RSE1] Yeah, and now he's ten.

[Whiphid] So?

[RSE1] Err ... [pulls up a chair for Link]

[Link] Thanks!

[The Whiphid hands Link three cards. Link promptly has a wide grin on his face]

[RSE2, sotto voce to RSE3] Does he know the rules?

[RSE3, sotto voce to RSE2] I hope not. [notes Link's pointed ears and the Master Sword strapped to his back] --er, so.

[Whiphid] Will you change your hand, young Link?

[Link, even wider grin] No, I'll keep it as it is.

[The betting begins]

*RSEs jump to attention as Chief Security officer BS appears.*

At ease gentlemen, we're off on holiday

[The pot is very full. Link still has a wide grin on his face]

[Whiphid] Okay, time to show your hands.

[Red cards are worth their positive worth, black their negative worth, face cards are worth ten (+/-), Jokers are worth 0, and Aces are worth one. The Whiphid has King of Hearts, Nine of Diamonds, and Ace of Spades. Score: +18. Red-Shirted Extra 1 has Five of Spades, Jack of Clubs, and Two of Hearts. Score: -13. RSE 2 has Four of Clubs, Five of Hearts, and Ace of Spades. Score: 0. (D'oh.) RSE 3 has a Jack of Diamonds, Jack of Hearts, and Three of Diamonds. Score: +23]

[RSE3] WHOO-HOO! 23! PURE SABACC! [reaches for the pot]

[Link, still grinning, puts down his hand, showing a Joker, a Two, and a Three. This is called the Idiot's Array, the kill-all hand]

[Link] Read and cry. [takes the pot]

[RSE3] D'OH!

*Materializes onto the bridge*

So, what ship are we in, again? Just for memory's sake?

I have no idea... comfy though...
*Relaxes into a recliner*

Well...I just assumed it was one of the shuttles from the new Esirpretne.....it just showed up on time & well....here we are.....

[YK and YC are on the cockpit of the Millenium Bug]

[YK] And we're on the Millenium Bug.

[There is a large crash and wicked laughter]

[Whiphid, from the lounge] PEEVES!

[Peeves, from the lounge] Heeheeheehee!

*Sighs*

You know, I never did see any use for Peeves at Hogwarts (other than as an interesting plot-character and running joke), and I've no idea how he's useful here.

So I think I'll amuse myself for a while.

*Pulls out some CLI Etherea-Busting Equipment*

Never tried this on a Poltergeist before, but they should work.

*Teleports to the CLI Mini-UFO, which starts zipping through space towards the Millenium Bug*

Now, the hard part. How to get in without Peeves not noticing?

I'm pretty sure I'm piloting a shuttle... Hope so anyway.

*Finishes his story of the Salami races*

... and there were tiny bits everywhere.

*Looks around, waiting for the laughter. Notices a complete lack of attention. Shrugs. Sips Pina Colada.*

[teleports in, sees pina coladas and card games and decides she wants to stay.]
hello, i always wanted to go to Risa and they said that this ship was on it's way there.

[YK] Er, okay. Excuse me, I need to go deal with Peeves.

[Creates an SEP field around Affy as he comes aboard; it works on Peeves]

Thanks YK.


*The CLI Mini-UFO cloaks, and beams the SEPed Affy into the Millenium Bug. Armed with the latest in Etherea-Busting Equipment, Affy starts slinking through the Bug. After not too long, he looks around a corner, and sees Peeves. With a yell of triumph, Affy jumps around the corner, and shoots the Containment Beam, which bounces off of the mirror, and hits Affy, knocking him into the wall in the hallway. Peeves cackles and flies away*

I'll get that Poltergeist, don't worry.

[Peeves] Oh! Heeheeheehee! You're invisible! I know you're there, even though you're invisible! Who's there? Heeheeheehee!

[YC] Say, did you know that J. K. Rowling is the third richest person in the UK?

Doesn't surprise me in the least.

*Watches Peeves floating around the ceiling, cackling to himself. Affy pulls out the snowzar, and fires. Peeves narrowly bounces away from the beam, causing it to hit (and freeze) the lightbulb, plunging the room into darkness. While groping around for the exit, Peeves hears where Affy is, picks him up, throws him in a closet, and locks the door*

PEEVES!!!

[Peeves] Heeheeheehee! Naughty, naughty, naughty!

How long till we get to Risa? Once there, I think I'll be able to force Peeves out of our lives. For good.


*Kicks open the closet door, makes sure the SEP field is still functioning, and puts on his infra-red/Spectral Searcher goggles on. He can see that Peeves went through the door on the left. Grinning, Affy walks over, opens the door, and gets hit in the face with a waiting pie*