h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*For lack of a better term, this is a place. The only constant here is the painting to the south that shows a picture of a party of some sort (which, if turned, would provide a door back to the party at F1881348?thread=552516 for those who wish to retreat). Other than that, everything seems to be shifting*

*The shifting in question seems to take place around various constants. For instance: there is always the endless lake of liquid stretching off to the horizon with a little island near to the shore and an artificial structure on the said island. However, sometimes the liquid is lava with a structure that looks like a crude hut built from rocks. Sometimes the liquid is toxic waste, with a factory of some sort on the island. Sometimes the liquid is water with eels swimming in it while a castle sits on the island. Similarly, the forrest that lies on the opposite side goes through similar changes: petrified wood, metallic poles that shoot energy to the sky, thick forrest, jungle. While the basic geography is staying the same, the make of the landscape continuously changes. It always looks dangerous however*

[Woogy] WTF!!11!11!11!!!!111
[Subtitle: What the ]

[Laguna] LOL!!!11!11!11 HAO W3 GTE ARCSOSSS!!??!1/?!/!/1/1/1?!??!?!??//
[Subtitle: Ha ha ha! How do we get across?]

*A creature, that appears to be an anthropomorphic hawk of some sort, swoops down and tries to snag Laguna*

[Laguna] OMG WTF!!1!11!1111!!1111
[Subtitle: Dear lord, what's that!?]

[He pulls a machinegun out of fricking nowhere and fires it at the creature.]

*The creature moves, but gets clipped in the wings with some bullets. He lands on the island in the dangerous liquid ocean. The bird begins to change, growing fairly reptillian and less bird-like, until it resembles a dinosaur of some sort. It then morphs from dinosaur to an unidentifiable sea-creature of some sort, which then transforms into a lemur, to a monkey, to an ape, to a normal human man, then to a being with a large, bald head and a blue cloak*

Man-Well, that's interesting....a machine gun from absolutely nowhere. But let's see if you can really defeat The Great Evolvo!

*Evolvo raises his hand, and a large boulder comes out of the ocean. The boulder throws itself at Woogy and Laguna (yes, it's that large)*

[Woogy] LOL VOLVO!!!11!!111!!!111
[Subtitle: Ha ha ha ha, his name sounds like that of a Volvo car!]

[Woogy attempts to throw himself upward and punt the rock aside. However, he simply bounces off the side. Meanwhile, Laguna shuffles off out of the way so that it would simply land next to him.]

Evolvo-Hmmm....too cartoony for physical violence to be too damaging in this form....perhaps some mind control....

*Evolvo tries to mentally control Woogy. He recoils in pain and breaks off almost instantly*

Evolvo-That was....painful. This isn't the best of forms....

*Evolvo changes into a normal person, then into an ape, etc., etc., slowly evolving into a small crustacean. He then alters and evolves into a much larger crab-like thing, roughly the size of a car. Evolvo skitters through the liquid, unhurt somehow, and snaps at the two creatures*

[Laguna] LOL CRABZ0RZ!!1!!11!!111
[Laguna: Ha ha ha! Crabs!]

[Laguna fires his machine gun at the Evolvo, while Woogy simply tries to bounce on top of him.]

*While the bullets bounce off, Evolvo attempts to snap at Woofy*

[Woogy is chomped, and is launched flying into the air towards the far end of the island.]

[Woogy] LOOSKDG LIEK IM BLATSNIGNA FOF AIGNNGN!11!1111!!!11!!!1
[Subtitle: Looks like I'm blasting off again!]

[Laguna] OMG WTF!!!1!11!1111 I UES TRNADRO1!11!!11!!!!11
[Subtitle: Hey! I'm using Tornado!]

[A bunch of squiggle lines attack Evolvo in a spiraling magic. Somehow, this comprises a wind-elemental spell]

*Evolvo is battered a bit by the magic, and as such he backs away in intense pain. He evolves slightly, becoming a little smaller and with more specified-claws. In the end, he appears to be some sort of digging-creature, who quickly digs under ground to escape from the wind magic. A claw pokes out of the ground near Laguna, attempts to snap him, and then dissapears back into the ground, which crumbles back into place, as if the hole had not been there before*

[Laguna] OWW!1!1!!1!!111 ERHTQWAEK!!111!!!111!!
[Subtitle: Ow! Earthquake!]

[The ground shakes a bit. Somehow, this is Earth-elemental magic, which is supposed to harm the target.]

*A few moments of silence pass. In a moment, a giant boar explodes out of the ground right beneath Laguna. It looks a little dazed, but that doesn't prevent it from trying to run down its target*

[Woogy, by now, lands in the liquid right next to the further shore with a soft 'parp' sound.]

[Laguna gets knocked over]

[Laguna] OW!!1!!111!11111!!! [fires machine gun at the boar]

*Evolvo yowls in pain, and evolves into what looks like a turtle. He retracts into his spike-covered shell, which spins across the ground towards Laguna*

[Laguna] OMG -- [gets knocked over] -- K00PA!!!!1!11!111

[Woogy] IM MELLLLTIGNGGGG!!1!!!11!11 WUT A WRLD!11!11!!!1!!11 WUT A WRLD!1!!!11!1111

*Evolvo morphs back into his human-with-a-big-head*

Evolvo-Hmph. Is that the best you've got?

*Evolvo telekinetically lifts a rock and throws it at Woogy, hoping to speed the process of submerging under the lethal lake*

[Woogy is it by the rock. He surfaces, now upside down, and showing no sign of being melted]

[Woogy] WTF!!1!!111!!11

[Laguna] LOLOLOLOLOLOLLO!!1!11!11!111

*Another rock is thrown, trying to make a Woogy sandwich with two granite pieces of bread*

[The motion freezes as the rock hits Woogy with a thunderclap. Then, accompanied by the Kirby "death" themesong, Woogy goes flying into the air, then lands in the liquid, where he sinks.]

[Laguna] OMG U KILDL WOOGY!!1!!111!1! J00 BATSARDR!1!!!!11!111
[Subtitle: Oh my god! You killed Woogy! You bastard!]

[He fires his machinegun at Evolvo]