h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

We'd better not make them angry; they could be hiding anywhere.

JTG

In all the nooks and crannys, and on top of the curtain rail....
Maybe we should whisper

They could be about to enter mythology in a way they never dreamt of. Generations yet unborn may have us to thank for their sleepless nights.

JTG

Yeah - forget the bogeyman under the bed or Lord Voldemort
The really scary thing at night is the models on the curtain rail.

Michael Rosen should write a poem about it

How's the song ...?

"I'm too scary for my ____... too scary for my ____. I'm a model, you know what I mean, I shake my scary tush on the catwalk... on the catwalk... on the catwalk... I shake my scary tush on the catwalk..."

Or something like that.

JTG

There's a poem about this kid who had to turn the light off before going to bed and his 'longest journey in the world' from the light switch to bed.
I think I need to find it and start parodying - it is the eyes of the models boring into him rather than the label of his dressing gown tickling the back of his neck............

I know the feeling: You take a deep breath, and sprint to the light switch and back, hoping to leap back into bed and safety before the closet monster or Cindy Crawford get you.

I'd like to read the poem, if you can track it down.

JTG

Personally I'd be more afraid of Jodie Kidd (and can you imagine if the 'bride of Wildenstein' got in on the scare !!)

I have the poem at home, so I will see if it can be dug out although it might take a while

Jodie Kidd I could live with... El Grecos grow on one, after all; but that Wildenstein woman really is scary! I'll have to sleep with the light on now.

JTG

Wildenstein on one side, Naomi Campbell on the other.
AHHHH

I would be petrified - I need a nightlight

Wildenstein looks like something (emphatically not 'someone') that would stalk Naomi Campbells.

What's wrong with Naomi Campbell, anyway? She may be a bit of a twig-girl, but at least she looks like her DNA was grown locally.

JTG

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That's perfect! Thanks.

You never entirely outgrow those childhood fears. Even the most rational amongst us carries a little bit of the ancestral fear of dark and shadows, I think; though they won't admit to it, of course. Kids are too sensible to rationalize their fears away, because sometimes there really are things lurking in the dark.

JTG

That is so true.
I am scared of things in the dark that I would never dream of being scared of during the day.
Mice for instance

That's interesting. Is it the scurrying about unseen, do you think?

I get the willies from windows that reflect back into a lit room when it's dark outside; I imagine all manner of things staring in at me.

JTG

I think it must be the scratching. We had loads of them when I was in Romania and they could run around all day without bothering me. It was just when they started running round the shelf over my bed at night....

I'm not bothered about mice; we have them in the walls of our old house... I just pretend they're ghosts

A pair of my wellies were eaten by a rat at work, a couple of years ago. It started with a little nibble around the tops; then, over a period of a week or so, they were eaten right down to the soles.

JTG

My dog used to eat my wellies when she was a puppy, so I'd have a pair without sole as well as a decent pair.
And of course they looked similar so that when I had to go out in the morning to feed the chickens I'd put on one of each and get at least one wet foot

That sounds to me like quite a good way to start the day to me, especially if there are nice fresh eggs for breakfast.

JTG

There was never time for that (except at Christmas), but weekend evening meals were very egg-orientated