h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*Shuffles to hide monkey behind back. Snaps to attention, and salutes*

"Well said, brave mon captain"

Thank you. Now, where is the drink kept again?

Oh thank the gods... *drinks it all* That's better.

And there's plenty more of that from where that came from, Mon Brave Captain.

Where are all these stores of food?

Might I suggest the hold, Mon Brave Captain. That space below decks. Oh by the way as you are both titled Captain, whom do I obey? Only one of you may have a higher rank than the other and I'd hate to upset some-one by not knowing. I mean to say what if you both give conflicting commands? Which one of you do I obey?

Both. Problem solved.

Lets put it this way, if by any chance we disagree.....you take your orders from....the parrot *points to the parrot* on the matter.


Uahhhh, Polly want a cracker.


Weeeellll you heard the bird, where is his cracker?

She went ashore just before we left.............Oopps sorry, you didn't mean that sort of cracker. Right. Ok. Well, erm, look I'm the navigator not the cabin boy. It's the cabin boy's task to serve on the parrot

Hello leRue, this is Liquid Warrior, our new cabin boy/navigator.

Well at least he is multi-tasking.

So how long we been at sea?.....

*checks his watch*

10, 15 minutes?

The roll of cabin boy is beneath me as I'm am over qualified. But if you are paying me double the wages for doing both jobs, then I shall accept the tasks. I have spoken to the union about this and they are behind me 100 per cent.

The trade union of cabin boys or navigators... cause the Navigators are wimps, but those little boys... well, they bite... in places some people pay women to bite.

*winces at the thought*

My shop steward is calling a strike. No cabin boys and no navigation. Can we not come to some terms?

We'll geive you this nice shiny stone.

*holds the stone up*

OOOoooooohhhhh pretty!

Hmmm!
Tempting bbbbuuuutttt..

okay your twisting my arm ... Two SHINY stones

Remember I know how to steer this ship and where we are going and can navigate us there. Think, captain, the owners of the White Star line took on the navigator's Union. Look what happened to their prize ship when they refused to deal with the union.

You remember which one it was don't you?


The Titanic.