h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

As to that Captain, I'm unsure. You instructed me to obey the commands of the parrot, and the last I heard from him was to turn left at the last island, despite the fact the charts said turn right. So we turned left. Sad to say the parrot isn't here to give any further commands or describe the island we have beached upon.

As the parrot's second in comand, I say we go and take all the women and treasure which will undoubtedly litter the island.

According to the charts this is Poofta's Island and you are welcome to go ashore if you so want, cap#'n. But I think I'll stay here, if you don't mind.

You first, then.

No.No.No.Mon Brave Captain. I'm staying here as the captain should be the one who goes ashore to explore.
So after you.
I got first dibs anyway

Looks at watch, wonders what is keeping the captains ashore. Spies a pile of books. Ah Treasure Island. Settles down in hammock to read, while sipping at a Jack Daniels and coke.

Wakes with a start, wonders where everyone is. Orders anchors away and sets sail

*fires blunderbuss at Liquid Warrior. Jumps onto boat and kicks the living Jimmy out of him*

Oh no not Jimmy, OOONNOONNONONOONONONNNNNOOOOOOOOOO Cruel world he was a good man...

*Falls to his knees*

... A GOOD MAN!!!!

*Dusts himself off*

So where now?

Pick a direction.

Lets go Port... even though I have never drunk Starboard.

*LW is grateful he is a Tai Sifu and was very well able to defend himself from the Captains pitiful attempts of assault. *

Captains I pretended to cast off to sttract your attentions as we had been here for so long. I had sent several rocket flares and even messengers to find you . If we do no cast off now, we will have lost the tides and entered the monsoon season where there will be mighty sea storms. We must leave now to avoid them.

In obedience to your commands we steer the ship Port.

MY GOD!!! A ZOMBIE!!! AIM FOR THE HEAD!!! *fires a shotgun and blows LW's head off, which promptly grows back* AIEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!! RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!!! By the way, I wonder if there IS a drink called "starboard". It would be interesting. Anyway... *Runs for his life*

Wake up captain, you've been dreaming and smoking that funny baccy again. I knew you should have never seen Sean Of the Dead, then eaten cheese before going to bed.
Look here's a bottle of Jim bean, calm yourself. It's only a dream

*Retreats to the relative sanity of his own mind*

*Ponders of the sanity of that*
*steers ship port side. Wonders if they'll be able to drop into the Island Of Muggewade, where they brew the delightful wine called Starboard. which is potent to 98%

*Mumbles "...iss"SHAUN of the Dead"...mmujmsdtkusldfh... JIM BEAM!!! NOT BEAN!!!..."*

Grovels and buys new dictionary

I remember a time when Thesauri roamed wild....

*sighs*

...Of couse they would kill a dictionary as soon as look at it.

Puts brand new Roget's Thesaurus on desk next to brand new dictionary.
"Here we are, mon captain, for your delight & pleasure"
I have also brought you a bottle of Jim Beam.