h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

Hmm... Bosun! Get me a cutlass! We'll just cut everyone's hands off except mine. Problem solved.

I don't think that's quite what I meant, please do not be so rash, mon brave captain.
I meant she did it without anyone else, alone, solo. So there was no-one else on the boat.There are your crew on this ship. You can hardly say we are doing this solo.

Look if we get Harrison Ford here and Cut off HIS "Hans" Then we will be doing it "Solo"

Perhaps I'd beter let you make that decision, cap'n I am only the navigation officer here
Oh my word is that the time? I must be going. I've just remembered a very important appointment

Dang. Its always the navigation officers that crack first. Shall we set off?

Steady as she goes there lads, left hand down a bit.

Wait a minute..................70 days.....no women...........70 days..........only sailors.......I've heard stories.....


*A seagull crashes into LeRues head*

Ow......oh well lost my train of thought cant be that important.

What about the bosun?

*Just then the bosun falls off the crows nest into the ocean and is swept out to sea,sevearl days later she is swept onto a desert I sland with the currents.The only inhabitants are a tribe of mucely men who,due to an astonishing genetic plague,have no females in the tribe*

Hmm... that was unlikely.

Yes quite unlikly....but not impossible.

*stares thoughtfully out to sea for some time*

Hey wait if there is a ribe of muscley men with no women then there must surely be a desert island with gorgeous women with no men...its just a matter of finding it........SOME DRIVE THIS THING TO THE FIRST DESERT ISLAND THEY SEE.

Right! Er... what's your name? *points to Liquid*

Damn the hard questions again!! I was hoping for something more simple
Eric, oh that'll do.
I'll most likely forget it again anyway.
Steady as she gfoes, left hand down a bit.
Now these wriggly lines are the shore lines, aren't they?Nice coloured chart. Ah yes. Right hand up a bit.

-to leRue, whispered- Is he qualified?

Of course I'm qualified. Now then. An island full of nubile young ladies, yup that I can find. Now move out of the way while I use these pointy things to plot a course. Compass, yup that's it that's what they call these pointy things. Now then. taking into account the wind and the position of the sun and the variance of the swell it should be....Left hand down a bit

What in under the gods' lights are you talking about?

Yup, sorry, that's navigational talk, only we in the trade would know what it means.Anyway, once we get under way to this island of nubile naked young ladies it will be ok.

Nubile... you mean from Nubilia? Is that near here?

Well according to the charts, just a few sea miles south of here, amongst the Virgin island

Well at least it is not in the Shetland Islands.

*-drum and cymbals-BA DOOM DOOM TTTTTSSSSHHHHHH*

*reaches down behind him and picks up a monkey,and turns to the crew*

Okay who brought alon ANOTHER drum playing monkey, I know they looked like a good investment at the time, but there is no market and no core demographic.

Saliors Huh, cant sail with them, cant sail without them.