h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*What we have here, ladies and gentlemen, looks like a cross between a genetics laboratory and a computer lab. This is, in fact, what we're looking at as the Imaging labs were designed to change the shapes, sizes, colors, and functions of everything present in the virtual world. Computers sit, awaiting input, while various Transformation Chambers, each large enough to hold an elephant or two, await whatever needs transmogrification.

A sign on the wall explains all of this, while a plaque next to the wall reads "The Quick Fix Lab: aesthetic changes/non-dangerous tamperings". A door opposite the entrance reads "Caution! Metaphysical Transmogrification Lab"

*Pokes his head in, reads the sign, exits.*

*Looks at one of the computers.*

Now, how does this thing work...

[Yar] I suppose a better question would be /why/ ... [thinks] Hmm ... we weren't authorized to be in the security area. I wonder what if we were to become someone who /is/ authorized ...

That idea has potential!

*The computer seems to have a very simple database that allows the computer to understand simple instructions for changing the appearances of items. For instance, it could understand a person who said "Make my ears look like Dumbo's", so extensive is its vocabulary (as is the case with all CLI AI devices). Basically, just tell it what you want, and it should deliver*

Computer, I want to look like Dr. Demento. Complete with coat and tophat.

*Clears throat*

Computer, make me look like... Thrud the Barbarian.

*Steps into the a transformation chamber, all kinds of wibbly sci-fi stuff happen and aN 8-foot-tall pile of muscle with an alarmingly small head steps out.*

Right, more beer.

*Heads back into the the web/hub thing.*

[Yar] Hmm ... now if I didn't already have a nice stock of characters with me [pats the Poké Balls at his belt], I could use /this/ instead of having to have a bunch of other guys. Hmm ... nah, I won't try looking like Affy. He's too creative for me to imitate, and anyway it'd probably screw up trying to get someone who looks ageless, faceless, gender-neutral, and culturally ambiguous.

*Penny enters and whistles*

Nice stuff, here. Hmmm....don't wanna go for a totally new character, but maybe a few small changes wouldn't be out of question.

Penny whistles, huh?


[Yar] Hmm ... I know! Gimme a Jedi Red Mage outfit. And dark glasses. And keep my belt.

[He steps in, then steps out, now wearing a sort of bright red set of Jedi Robes with black pants, and a plumed, wide-brimmed hat. And still his belt with its various utilities.]

[Yar] Huzzah.

Hmm... Well, I've always felt like I should be doing something useful... So, let's see.
[Lentilla steps up to the terminal and is busy for a moment. A variety of things appear on the podium, including: A soft felt hat, a horse, a chocolate cream pie, an orangutan, the artist formerly known as the artist formerly known as Prince, and finally Lentilla herself reappears.]

Nope, nothing really seems to click. Ah! I've got it. Might as well have some fun, right?

[After some frantic keying at the terminal, Lentilla's image disappears, and a figure rather like that of the Pink Panther appears on the podium. This version has a more... er... feminine cast to its features, and a suggestion of female attributes, but nothing overstated.]

Wait, gotta have somewhere for my gear... [A black utility belt appears around the waist of the Panther, complete with a holster for the Ray gun and several pockets for necessary items.] Prehensile tail? Check. Extendable claws? Check. Can I actually use my paws as hands? Definitely yes. [scratches head.] Cool! [flicks tail, looks at feet.] And only one thing missing... [black leather motorcycle boots appear on the feet of the Pink Pantherette.] Right! I'm styling now...

[Yar] Excellent. [He exits]

Computer, make me look more adventurous.

*Hops into the transmogrification thingy, and zaps to a different form*

Um, no,....not Lara Croft....something more realistic.

*She flashes into Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica*

Well,...maybe something in between. But with longer hair. Oh, why not....longer purple hair.

*The machine does so*

Wonder Whistle!

*Heads back out to the main hub area*

*has been watching the others, thinking*

*enters the chamber*

*a few moments later a drow exits, bearing all the abilities a female drow would have except for that annoying evil religion, plus the cloak of invisibility and the whip of snakes*

Think of me as a ranger, like the famous Drzzt Do'Urden.

*Appearing to be alone, considers her options.*

*enters the chamber*

*exits the chamber looking pretty much the same, except 25 years younger*

If only it were IRL. *sigh*

*Thinks that the others are probably over in the games area and heads off in that direction.*

[Robo-Ky arrives, and looks around whilst letting off steam.]

[Robo-Ky] I_WISH_TO_LOOK_LIKE_ROPPONMATSU_MK_I.

[After a moment, Robo-Ky now looks like a woman in a lab coat, with short purple hair and a black headband. There is something unmistakably robotic about her, though it's less flagrant than Robo-Ky was.]

[Ropponmatsu] Excellent ...

*Wanders in and sniffs around.*

*Eventually he hits on the right combination of buttons that turns him into a wolf-man type creature- he retains his tail, head, and fur, but gains opposeable thumbs, the ability to speak and sort-of clothing. He stumbles out of the chamber and pulls himself to his feet.*

How do these people WALK?

*Spots the door opposite.*

Aha!

*Checks to see if it's locked.*