h2g2 The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy: Earth Edition

*with a quick nod to Styx, Amos pushes the cage door open, lowers himself until he's hanging from the bottom by his hands, then gives a mighty swing and launches himself at the rather smelly gobold king at the same time that GDZ has launched his first stun grenade*

*fortunately for Amos, who has landed square atop the king and is now using the gobold ears to pound its head on the stone floor, the second grenade bounces off Amos's back without denotating and rolls into a corner*

*the main pack of gobolds are beginning to stir weakly after the flashbang. Some of them have got to their feet but are still blinded*


note to apprentice
Beware omnipotence!
Always leave room for a bit of jeopardy.

Wah!
*red eyes blinded by flash*
*falls from cage*

*Hands the Queen of Sprockets to Witty*

I get the feeling that we're not playing with a full....um,....deck....

*Puts down all four queens.*

What makes you say that, Affy? Intuition?

No, nothing like that. It's just that this card that I picked up here....you know, the one that didn't help me when I drew it a few posts back? Well, it's got the rules for playing Poker on it. I just now figured out why it didn't really go with my other cards....

*Lil was just resetting her nanogun when the grenade went off and avoided the flash*
Styx!!!!!!

*thoughtlessly runs underneath the cage to catch the rat and trips over the sticks that Zeppo hadn't got round to picking up*

/* d'E aims at the group of stunned cobolds and pulls the trigger on his gun again, hoping for something better than a teacup. The nozzle set to "yellow" produces a misty gas that suddenly solidifies into a teen-idol magazine that flies at great velocity straight into the middle of the cobold group. */



/* Zeppo bites the cobold king on the nose. */

*as her freezing jet doesn't seem to e having much effect, sets it back to 'flame' and presses the ignite button, aiming at the remaining gobolds*

I hope that chars your butts!

*as a result of the flame, the remaining kobold butts are indeed charred, but the stick pile is set alight*

*also, the kobolds back in the barracks have finally noticed the uproar and are pouring down the tunnel. The rat-ants who were guarding the tunnel, seeing that things are going well in the room, have done a tactical retreat and joined the group in the main room*

*looks up from the king, who was trying to play dead until Zeppo bit his nose*

Fools! We need that tunnel to get out! Arrr, ye flippin ratants can't do anything right without a direct order!

*drags Lil and Styx out of the pyre*

Huh. The cobolds didn't even find the magazine mildly distracting.

/* Fires again at the cobolds in the corridor. This time the nozzle set to "red" produces a fine mist that solidifies into seven brass replicas of the Statue of Liberty that fly at great velocity towards the cobolds. */

YES! Metal! And pointy!

/* Zeppo , after sniffing the cobold king's head, adds his scent marker to where Amos left his. */

Do you have any "Limited Edition Hoyle! RULES TO POKER"s?

*dazed*
*can't see*
*hears Amostalk about rat-ants*
*chitters an order in Rat*

*rat-ants turn and go short way up tunnel and killing jobolds*

*Seems to have lost his quiver of bolts in the fight.*

Has anyone seen my crossbow bolts? They seem to have been ripped from by gear.

Affy, that card is one of a kind and shouldn't be used in the game, unless you use different rules for Go Fish.

In fact, this game is void. We need to sort the deck out and start over.

*suddenly Gandalf stiffens, refusing to take another step no matter how hard Ti tries to make him continue drawing back*

*suddenly Gandalf whirls around and starts galloping madly towards the camp, with Ti barely hanging on*

*Ti lies down flat on her stomache on Gandalf's back so as to make herself a smaller target for whatever it is that comes barging behind them, branches snapping*

It's getting smoky in here. Cobolds could learn a thing or two about building effective chimneys.

Oops!

*sets the carameliser to 'freeze' and dowses the flames*

Sorry!

*After the others had left for the main cavern, GS bends down and searches Red Gobold. He finds a throwing knife and puts it in his own boot. He then follows the others to the main cavern and hides behind a rock, near the throne. Whenever one of the other Gobolds comes near enough, he throws his knife, then goes and retrieves it from the corpse.*

*The Gobold King is unconscious, due to the head-banging. Several Gobolds are holding up a magazine, looking at the centrefold. A half-dozon other Gobolds are lying dead or wounded, with small feet on pedestals sticking out of their bodies. Several more Gobolds are encased in ice. The remaining Gobolds are skittering around, looking for a way to escape. There are only a few of them. At the door to cavern a battle is raging between the rat-ants and the Gobold reinforcements.

GL spies the door behind the throne. He runs over to it and opens it, revealing yet another twisty passage.*

C'mon, guys! Lets try this way!

*GL darts into the passage.*

*Now able to see, Lil discovers that she had grabbed GDZ's quiver of bolts when she was blinded earlier. She gives them back to GDZ* Sorry -- the case is slightly charged but they should still be useable.

Styx, are you OK?

*ties a luminescent inflatable squid back onto her stetson and looks around for Gord* You fought well! Come with us!

*follows Garius back into the tunnel system*